The most promising child in the class is never number one, but…

My father has been teaching all his life. In the county town\’s primary school and junior high school, he personally took many children from first grade to third grade. One year, my father was in charge of the graduating class. There was a boarding boy in the class who studied very hard, but his family conditions were very poor. At every meal time, when others went to the canteen to get rice, vegetables, and snacks, this boy would take out the pancakes he brought from home, roll them up in batter, and fry pickles or shrimps. It was considered a meal, and as soon as he ate it, he would One week. The father felt very distressed when he saw it, so he would spend money to buy the boy some milk and fruit from time to time. Every time the boy received something, he was very moved and could not speak with tears in his eyes… The graduating class sent out one issue after another, and batch after batch of good students came out of his father\’s class. Many people joked with me: \”Your family must be very lively during the holidays, right? Your father has so many proud disciples, why don\’t you line up to give gifts?\” Yes, I originally thought it would be the same. But the actual situation is that most of the people who are still in contact with and have a good relationship with their father are children who were not very good at studies at first, and there are even a few who are naughty and troublesome. Many of the children with the top grades rarely have contact with them after graduation. Occasionally, there are teacher-student gatherings, and their shadows are rarely seen. I once asked my father in surprise: \”Shouldn\’t those children with good grades be more grateful and closer to their teachers after graduation?\” My father always said lightly: \”We all have our own careers and are very busy. , it’s normal that I don’t have time to contact you.” Although my father didn’t say some words, I could guess from the current situation of my friends and classmates: many children who had excellent grades at the beginning are not doing well now, at least not as well as they were at the beginning. Everyone’s expectations are very different. This sense of shame for not living up to everyone\’s expectations may be the main reason why they are unwilling to contact their past teachers and classmates. Many children, as their parents most expect, do not play or cause trouble, and they become \”three good students\” all the way to college and graduate school. After they graduated in their twenties, they discovered that the master\’s degree diploma in their hands was only worth 4,000 yuan per month. In times like this, when the economy is not booming, not only do they often encounter obstacles in finding a job, but it is also difficult to find a partner… Many people did not discover it until they graduated from high school or college. In order to pursue \”number one\” in the eyes of others, , I have lost too much. When others look back on their youthful years and their first love, they can remember nothing but test papers and pressure, staying up late and insomnia… My father always said: \”I find more and more that now we are not just looking at grades and It’s the age of academic qualifications. Good grades can only mean that you can take exams. It does not mean your communication skills, it does not mean your work ability, and it does not even mean your character.” I think this passage is very reasonable, and in It is also constantly verified in life. Some time ago, a boy who just graduated from graduate school came to our company as an intern. When the boy first came, we saw that he had a relatively high degree of education and a good professional background, so we asked him to follow a product manager to learn the operational aspects of the business. During the company\’s morning meeting to discuss the operation plan, this boy always acted very thoughtful and made several good suggestions. Everyone is very happy, I feel that this child is worth cultivating. During that time, everyone was very busy and didn\’t have time to go out for lunch, so we often asked this boy to help us go downstairs to pick up takeaways and check on the express delivery. Only a week later, this boy left without saying goodbye. The HR teacher called him and asked him what he was dissatisfied with. He said: \”Your company lacks the most basic respect for talents. I am here to learn product operations, not to run errands for you!\” But this boy may not know that we There are also interns in the company who have higher education than him and go to better schools. When we were busy in the past, everyone took turns ordering food, picking up express delivery, pouring leftovers, and clearing the table. No one felt that they were being looked down upon, and no one felt that they were just an errand boy. Afterwards, the manager said helplessly: \”I have seen too many children like this. They have quite high academic qualifications, but they have forgotten the basic etiquette of life. He left our company today, and he will definitely stay in the next company. Soon…\” Grades are very important. After all, it is a student\’s duty to handle their own studies. However, children with good grades may not necessarily be truly outstanding; children who are admitted to a good university may not necessarily do well in society. It is said that someone has made statistics that when the children in a class grow up, the ones who eventually achieve something and live a prosperous and happy life are often not the children who always take the first place in the exam, but those who are 7 to 17. This conclusion sounds a bit nonsense, but if we think about ourselves and the people around us, it seems to be true. When I was doing psychological counseling, I came into contact with some college students who had no goals, no ideals, and were confused. What is unexpected is that when they were in junior high school and high school, they were the best students in the class. They studied very hard at first and often stayed up until midnight with the lamp on. However, children\’s nature is divergent and public. Even if it is temporarily suppressed, sooner or later they will go crazy in other ways. As a result, these \”good students\” who were burdened with huge academic pressure completely liberated themselves after entering college, staying up all night in Internet cafes, playing games, and watching movies. This is the norm in many universities in China. The children who were very good at the beginning, after standing out from the thousands of troops, wasted their time in the best and most hard-working years… Long Yingtai wrote in her book \”Watching\”: \”I Slowly, slowly I understand that the so-called relationship between father, daughter and mother only means that your fate with him is that you will continue to watch his back fade away in this life.\” Indeed, almost everything in the world All love is for the purpose of gathering: if you love a girl, you want to hold hands with her; if you love a cat, you want to adopt it home. However, only parents\’ love for their children is aimed at \”separation\”. We really can\’t take care of our children for a lifetime, so we can only hope that our children can become independent as soon as possible and learn to face the wind and rain alone as soon as possible. As long as children can live a happy, prosperous, and stable life in society, it is the greatest success for parents. A lifetime is so long and there are so many social variables. Although grades are very important, never let your child become a person who has nothing but good grades!