The mother who hurt her child the most

I went to my sister\’s house to play. After dinner, when everyone was clearing away the dishes, my nephew naturally picked up his mobile phone and played games. When we finished chatting and were about to go home, my sister suddenly discovered that the child had been playing in the bedroom for a long time. So she shouted, stop playing and give me your phone! The nephew replied while playing, it only takes ten minutes for me to finish this game. My sister\’s temper suddenly rose. She walked over without any reason, grabbed the phone, and scolded her nephew. The nephew stared at the ground, holding back his anger, and sat on the edge of the bed without saying a word. In fact, we know that the reason why my sister is so angry is because her nephew often says \”play for another 10 minutes\”, but after ten minutes, he shirks: \”play this game again.\” This kind of thing happens a lot, and my sister naturally doesn\’t Be patient. How do parents communicate with their children? The most acceptable education method for children. Although Mobi\’s method is simple and crude and relatively effective, if it continues for a long time, she may not be able to control the child before he reaches puberty, and the child will become seriously rebellious. Many parents have a headache when it comes to their children playing with mobile phones. Is there any good way to make children self-disciplined and consciously control the time they spend playing with mobile phones? \”Mom, I want to play for 10 more minutes.\” These two answers hurt the child the most. We usually have two answers for children who play uncontrollably. These two answers actually hurt the children the most. 1. The first type is to take away the phone directly and say \”no\”. When many parents get angry, their subconscious reaction is the same as my sister\’s. They take the phone away and then yell, accuse or rationalize. Why don’t children understand our painstaking efforts? Has he finished his homework? Don\’t your eyes hurt? Do you just know how to play and not study? When we think of these things, we become very angry, and losing our temper is inevitable. The book \”Whole Brain Parenting\” talks about how when we use authority to make children obey, it will trigger the child\’s lower brain, and feelings of anger and unfairness will fill his brain. Although the nephew was silent, he would never think like this in his mind: \”Mom was so right in scolding me. I really regret it. I shouldn\’t have done this.\” Most of what he was thinking was: \”Why? I just You get so excited after playing with your phone for a while. My classmates often play at home, so that’s okay. Besides, you often play with your phone at home, and I didn’t say anything to you. You just don’t like me.\” Such thoughts have accumulated a lot. , if emotions are not relieved, children will lack the ability to perceive negative emotions. When he has negative emotions in the future, he often feels helpless, panic or ashamed. It is also difficult for children to develop empathy when they grow up. And under the influence of negative emotions, he is prone to rebellious psychology or self-defeat. Before puberty, such children will have various problems. 2. The second way is to compromise and say, \”Okay, remember to give it to me later.\” When the child says, \”I will continue to play for ten minutes,\” we often subconsciously have another choice: compromise. We will hesitate for a while, but finally answer: \”Okay, we can\’t play for another ten minutes.\” However, mothers who often do this have a feeling: it is often difficult for children to play.Fulfill your end of the bargain? By the time you go to collect your phone, half an hour may have passed. This is because we often compromise, which is actually telling our children: \”You haven\’t touched my principles and bottom line yet.\” Through repeated trials, children learn that the rules set by their mothers can be broken or not followed. In this way, it is difficult for children to establish a reverence for rules in their hearts, and they will gradually lose their awareness of rules. The book \”Self-Awakening, Giving Children the Best Family of Origin\” mentions that if the parents do not have a clear attitude when the children test the boundaries, or repeatedly back off, the children will continue to cross the boundaries. Children without a sense of rules will find it difficult to develop along the correct path in their future lives. Precisely because there are no rules, he will be confused, directionless and lack self-control. We can help children in this way. Children\’s brains are immature and have difficulty controlling their own time when faced with fun mobile games and cartoons. At this time, we need help. 1. Set rules As children grow, we need to instill some sense of rules in them. The little things in daily life are the best teaching scenes. Before children want to play with mobile phones, we must make an agreement with them. For example, mobile phones can only be played for 30 minutes. After 30 minutes, children must take the initiative to put away their mobile phones. If you exceed the 30-minute limit, you will be \”punished.\” Punishment is not hitting or scolding, and it must be carried out with the child\’s consent. For example, if a child violates the rules once, he or she will not be allowed to play with the phone within 2 days, or the next time he or she plays, the time spent looking at the phone will be shortened. Once the rules are established, we must not give in. Don\’t think, \”Let\’s forget it this time.\” We must implement them firmly. Because if the child knows that rules can be broken, then he will still take chances next time. And if your attitude is kind and firm, then the child will know that he must abide by the rules no matter what, and he will become self-conscious. If the child has no concept of time, then we can practice the rules with him. For example, remind him in advance: \”There are still ten minutes.\” When the time is up, take the initiative to take away the phone. Cultivating a sense of rules is a long-term process. Children will definitely keep testing your bottom line at the beginning, but if you are determined, over time, you will naturally gain a child who abides by the rules and is sensible. 2. Help children develop self-control. If the child has self-control, then the mother does not need to worry about the child playing on the mobile phone, because playing on the mobile phone is just a temporary pastime for him, and he has enough ability to control the time he spends playing games. So how to help children develop self-control? Let children bear logical consequences. \”Positive Discipline\” mentions one word – logical consequences. When a child makes a decision, he has to bear the consequences of that decision. If your child wants to play with his mobile phone, let him decide how long he wants to play. But you have to tell him that at a certain point in time, he must wash up and turn off the lights to go to bed. If a child plays games late and fails to complete his homework, he will have to bear the consequences of his wrong decision, such as being late, being criticized by the teacher, etc. As the saying goes, \”Every time you learn a lesson, you gain wisdom.\” Children learn far more from logical consequences than their parents\’ constant reasoning. Cultivating Positive Psychology in ChildrenResearch by author Carol Dweck has found that when children believe that they are inferior, they will think that making mistakes is due to their poor ability, so they can only accept their fate. In contrast, when children believe they can do it, they focus on their efforts. Carol Dweck calls the latter a “growth mindset.” If we want our children to have a \”growth mindset\”, we need to change our daily words from simple praise and criticism to encouragement of specific actions by our children. For example: \”I saw that you studied hard every day before the exam and took notes carefully, so you did very well in the exam this time.\” \”You played with your phone and put it down when the time came. There was no need for me to remind you. I I really like you like this.\” \”You originally wanted to play a game, but you looked at the time and found that there were only a few minutes left, so you chose to play something else. I appreciate your plan.\” Through such words of encouragement, the child gradually This cultivates a \”growth mindset\”, makes you more motivated and has self-control. When children play with mobile phones again, we don’t need to worry. When your child says, \”Mom, I\’ll play for ten more minutes,\” how do you respond?