The obedient and sensible son of a top student failed before the high school entrance examination: I did two things well to rekindle his motivation and confidence.

My son is 15 years old and is in the third grade of junior high school. From childhood to adulthood, he has always had excellent grades and is the top student in any class he is in. Not only is he excellent in studies, his son is also obedient and sensible. He knows how to learn on his own without his parents having to worry about him. Whenever he didn\’t do well in an exam, he would be very anxious without me saying anything. He would tell us that he was sorry for letting us down and that he would work harder next time. The exercises I asked him to do and the cram schools he attended, he never refused and would obediently do them. My son\’s understanding makes my husband and I deeply gratified. After graduating from elementary school, my son successfully entered a key junior high school in the city. But for such a brilliant academic, in the third year of junior high school, he refused to go to school. After failing two consecutive exams, my son was severely hit and was obviously depressed. I comforted him: \”It doesn\’t matter. Just try to catch up next time.\” My son didn\’t say anything. In the following days, he always said that he felt uncomfortable, had a headache, and had a stomachache, and asked us to ask for leave. The more times I did it, the more nervous I became, fearing that my child would get sick. But when I took him to the hospital for a checkup, nothing happened. But a few days later, my son wanted to take time off again, citing stomach pain. The classes in the third grade of junior high school are tight, and I don’t want him to miss classes all the time, so I ask him to persist. I also questioned him in my heart: \”Are you really uncomfortable or are you tired of studying?\” In the second semester of the third year of junior high school, when school started, my son started making noises and didn\’t want to go back to school. My husband and I were shocked by the changes in our son. We asked him why he didn\’t go to school, but we couldn\’t explain it. I was very angry: What is the reason why you don’t want to go to school? You should tell us about it! If you can\’t learn good things about it, you won\’t learn it. You have to give us a convincing reason, right? But no matter how hard I pressed, my son never gave me a reasonable answer. When asked again, he broke down and got angry, howling and crying, and locked himself in the room and refused to come out. In desperation, I had to ask for leave from the school, hoping that my son could take a break before returning to school. On days when he is lying down at home, his son sleeps most of the time. He alternated between morning and night, staying up until late at night and not getting up until almost noon. I only eat two meals a day, and the portions are not large, and they are mainly junk food. Sometimes I order takeout for myself. Seeing his appearance, I felt extremely anxious. I searched online for various content about junior high school students who were tired of studying and lay down to learn how to deal with it. I also seized every opportunity to reason with my son and urge him to return to school quickly. If you really can’t go to school, don’t stay at home every day. You can go out for a walk! But my son not only refused to listen, he was also full of resistance. When I opened my mouth, he slammed the door. In the end, in order to avoid seeing my husband and me as much as possible, he basically didn’t leave the house. Only during the day, when we are both at work, will he come out to find something to eat and get a takeaway. Seeing time passing day by day and more and more missed classes, my husband and I were so worried that we couldn\’t sleep. I don’t know what to do to help my child, but I’m afraid that forcing him to go to school will trigger extreme behavior. Isn\’t it useless for a good junior high school student to not go to school and sleep at home? ! At that time, what I couldn\’t understand the most was: Why did a child who had always worked hard and achieved excellent grades suddenly become flat and unable to go to school at the critical point of the high school entrance examination? Now through study and reflection, I deeply understandAfter thinking about it, I discovered that the reason why children who are academic masters have such problems is often related to their parents\’ long-term high expectations and high demands for their children. I was actually very puzzled at first: I almost never spanked or scolded my child, and I didn’t criticize him much when he failed in the exam. It was because he always had high demands on himself. In fact, parents\’ requirements for their children, after long-term strengthening of the children\’s hearts, will gradually become their children\’s requirements for themselves. Children\’s high self-requirements reflect their parents\’ high demands on themselves, and they have been burdened with a heavy burden since childhood. For example, not being calm and apologizing to parents when they fail in exams are all manifestations of children\’s excessive psychological burden. Such children will look at themselves based on other people\’s standards of judgment and always want to meet other people\’s expectations. So, the child wants to feel better by winning, by defeating the opponent. If you fail to do this, you will have feelings of frustration. If you do not get correct guidance and guidance for a long time, your emotions will be accumulated in your heart, which will lead to psychological problems. From the parents\’ point of view, it is just two failed exams, and they can just try hard to do well next time; but for the children, this is a feeling of lack of control, and they just want to escape and are unwilling to face it. Many parents tend to care about test scores but think emotions are a minor issue. If it is not handled correctly for a long time, it will get bigger and bigger like a snowball, and the child\’s emotional expression will become more and more intense. Indeed, I have always thought that I have no requirements for my child, and that he knows how to work hard. In fact, my high demands are detailed in the control of his life. Especially in elementary school, his day-to-day life was tightly planned by me. Doing a few papers and attending a few tutoring classes, from getting up in the morning to going to bed at night, my son\’s schedule revolves around learning, and he rarely has any independent time. Once I have \”trained\” my son to become a top academic, and he can demand himself and take the initiative to work hard, I won\’t need to arrange everything in detail. But this high demand and high expectation has been deeply rooted in his son\’s heart, and he was eventually overwhelmed. Now that you understand the reasons for your child\’s problems, how can you guide your child out of the predicament? Remember the two key words – acceptance, respect, and scientific guidance, and your child\’s problems will be easily solved. 1. See your child’s emotions and stress, be your child’s decompressor, and help him relieve his inner emotions and stress. When my son first said he didn\’t want to go to school, I was very anxious and criticized him in various ways. I seized every opportunity to nag and urge him, what will you do if you don\’t go to school, you can\’t miss classes, etc. I am very scared that my son will really drop out of school completely, and his excellent studies will be ruined! But my son would either avoid me irritably, or get angry at me, and would not listen at all. Later, my son would say some negative and extreme words, such as what is the meaning of life? I knew that persuasion was useless, but I didn’t know how to answer the question. I was filled with fear and didn’t dare to say a word. In fact, my reaction expressed my disapproval and disapproval, and my inability to bear my son\’s negative emotions. Therefore, facing the dilemma and having nothing to do, it also aggravated the son\’s rebellious psychology. Now, I realize that the child\’s behavior is that he has emotions to express. What I need to do is not to persuade him with rational reasoning, nor to repeat useless nagging.Nao, but to truly \”see\” the depression in his son\’s heart and help him let go of his emotions. I stopped mentioning school and changed my nagging attitude. After my son noticed it, he gradually began to walk out of the room. Occasionally, he is also willing to have dinner with us. My husband and I just chatted about everyday things in a relaxed manner, trying to create a warm and peaceful atmosphere. One day, I bought a lot of things that I couldn\’t carry anymore, so I asked my son to come downstairs with me. In the elevator, I met a neighbor and she asked us what we were going to do and when we would resume school. My son didn\’t say anything, so I responded with a smile: \”Don\’t worry, take this time to take a good rest. I have been so tired from school these years, and I just want him to be in a good mood. I don\’t like going to work, and I wish I could have four weekends a week.\” \”When I got home, my son complained: \”This aunt is so troublesome. It has nothing to do with her not going to school!\” I agreed: \”It\’s who cares about the child.\” My son showed a long-lost smile and took the initiative to help. I put things away. When a child complains or complains, parents must keep their emotions stable, because he is just expressing his feelings. Empathize with the child and in the process of complaining, the irritability will slowly flow away. When I can see my son\’s emotions and help him to calm down, my son will tell me when he feels emotional. As time went by, my son often felt anxious about going to school. He can\’t get rid of the psychology of escaping, and he is afraid of being off the normal track. I didn\’t take the opportunity to propose: Then you go back to school! Instead, let him understand: \”Son, mom can feel your stress and entanglement. You get upset when you think about going to school, but you feel anxious when you stay at home, right?\” This supportive and empathic attitude makes the son feel supported. Seeing, being understood, and being accepted, the emotional burden is greatly reduced. Good parent-child communication not only relieves the son\’s anxiety, but also provides a safe psychological space for him to get out of his current state. 2. Respect the child\’s growth rhythm, give him the greatest support, and become the \”staff officer\” and \”logistics officer\” for the child\’s growth. After my son took leave at home, his diet was irregular, his day and night were reversed, and he slept with his head covered every day. I was anxious and distressed, and always wanted him to go out for a walk and breathe fresh air. But my son was very resistant and even more tired of my urging and reminding. Because at this stage, the child\’s inner energy is weak, and only by adapting to his energy level can recovery be facilitated. Now, I understand that I need to respect my child’s rhythm and let him adjust on his own. I would still suggest going out, but never in a pushy or nagging way. In the evening, I would knock on the door: \”Son, mom wants to go for a walk and eat a KFC bucket (this is his favorite fast food). Do you want to eat?\” At first, my son refused: \”No. !” Then I went out by myself and said in a relaxed tone: “Then I’ll go by myself and bring you a family bucket.” Later, when my son agreed to go out, I didn’t mention school. Instead, encourage him and let him experience the sense of accomplishment and satisfaction brought by taking the initiative: \”Son, it\’s great to walk with you. I can chat with my mother and not feel tired after walking for an hour.\” I I no longer keep an eye on his work and rest time, and give him space to adjust on his own. Only when he goes to bed early or gets up early on a certain day, andExpress your appreciation: \”Are you adjusting your schedule? It\’s not easy for people who are used to staying up late to go to bed early. Don\’t be anxious, take your time.\” Learn to slow down, give your child space and freedom, and let him drive by himself. Through such interaction, not only can the child\’s efforts be encouraged, but also support and trust in him can be conveyed. Feeling his mother\’s unconditional love, his son slowly regained his confidence and was motivated to adjust his condition. One ordinary night, my son was eating fruit and suddenly said to me, Mom, I want to go back to school. I didn\’t show excitement or excitement because I was afraid that such an attitude would put pressure on the child and make him think that my mother had done so much just waiting for me to say this. I just smiled and asked him: \”What are you going to do?\” The son analyzed methodically: His basic skills are not bad, mainly because of the new teaching content in the recent period. For classes he missed, he could ask his classmates to borrow class notes. Study on your own first, and then find a teacher to make up for any knowledge you don’t understand. I told him to just do what he wants and to tell his mother anytime he needs any support. In addition, mom hopes that you can put down your harsh criticism of yourself. No matter how much you learn, mom will be proud of you! The son\’s eyes were red and he nodded slightly. I gave him a hug. In this way, after nearly two months of lying flat, my son successfully returned to school. With the foundation from the past, my son’s basic knowledge and self-learning ability are very good. After adjusting his physical and mental state, he quickly caught up. He has regained his past composure and hard work, and his whole person has become more positive and cheerful. After accompanying my son through this turmoil of being tired of studying, I realized that when children face psychological problems, the way parents respond is crucial to the recovery process. Only by maintaining a learning attitude and being willing to grow and change can we help children get out of various difficulties such as being tired of learning and being rebellious, and successfully go through adolescence. Click \”Like\” and may our children get better and better, and our family and life become happier!