The order of family education must not be misplaced at any time

A reader forwarded me a true story from a mother. The couple had a daughter in middle age. The father at home is strict and conscientious in his behavior and adheres to family rules. He obviously wants to encourage his children, but his mouth turns into denial and belittling. And my mother, who has been outgoing and slightly strong since childhood, prefers to educate her children in this way: Either don’t do it, or do your best. Probably due to the influence of the family atmosphere, my daughter has also developed the habit of complaining less and being able to endure hardships. Thanks to good study habits and a solid foundation, the children\’s grades have always been among the best in both primary school and junior high school, and they have been among the top three in junior high school. The family is relatively democratic in choosing extracurricular classes for their children, but the use of electronic products and puppy love in adolescence are non-negotiable taboos. After entering the third grade of junior high school, children begin to passively stay up late for a long time. Because there is too much school homework, as a child whose notes can be used as study templates, my daughter is very serious about her homework, so it is normal to do her homework until one or two in the morning. Many times she has to get up before six o\’clock the next morning to catch up. Hours of homework before going to school. At that time, my parents didn’t know what role this kind of hard work in learning, which was praised by the teacher, would play in the subsequent journey of life. They were just distressed and grateful to have such a motivated and studious child who was really lucky. The mother said that although she couldn’t help her children with their homework, staying up late with them while working in the study room and acting as an hourly timer to remind them that 12 o’clock had passed was probably the moment when they were closest to their hearts. After entering high school, everything was prepared for the children. The other three girls in the dormitory were all very good, and the parents were relieved a lot. Life in the dormitory in the first year of high school is fresh, interesting and tense, but the child has obviously become rebellious. He goes home every weekend and goes tit-for-tat with his parents for no reason. On weekends, without even saying hello, my classmates and I went to get the ear piercings we had been longing for. As we became more beautiful, we became more and more fond of talking back, and our words were extremely mean. My mother was often so angry that she roared. I thought that controlling the economy could influence the children, but little did I know that money could not bring about a close relationship between mother and daughter. Adults are getting busier and busier at work, children almost spend their weekends in their rooms, and the family has less and less time to chat and talk. Fan Deng Reading Club: Five compulsory courses for new parents in family education [Video + Audio] The results of the first midterm exam for the first grade of high school were announced. The parents will learn that their daughter’s total score ranking in 9 subjects is not only at the bottom of the class, but also in another subject. Failed the secondary course. Reminiscent of her child\’s rebellious behavior after entering high school and his habit of locking the door when he came home on weekends. My mother guessed that it was due to the influence of electronic products, so she confiscated her mobile phone that day and made three rules: she was not allowed to bring her mobile phone to school on weekdays, and she was not allowed to go shopping on weekends until the end of the semester. Let’s talk about it when my grades improve. My daughter, who always liked to talk back, had tears on her face, said nothing, and slammed the door. After that, he frequently missed school and asked for leave, which attracted the attention of the school doctor, who recommended that the child be taken to a professional institution for psychological examination. Only then did the parents find out that the child had suffered from depression for no apparent reason. Now that everything has stopped, looking at the pale girl under the sun who has temporarily suspended school due to depression, her mother is in a daze. She really wants to go back in time, when her daughter is still the same girl who went to kindergarten carefree with a schoolbag and braids. Little girl. She said that like most people, she once looked forward to women becoming phoenixes and was swept up in the trend., in the theater effect, although I know that standing up to watch a movie is tiring, I dare not sit down easily, but now I have to stop. Until now, I still haven\’t figured out at what point the child went wrong. At what point did the child go wrong? Based on the above information alone, I guess you can see many problems at a glance, such as the way the father speaks, the way the mother does things, the child\’s own temperament… Now I will focus on my own views. First, the child\’s overdraft in junior high school is too great, and by high school he is already unable to cope with his studies. I once said that many children\’s academic performance suddenly dropped after they reached high school, and there was a huge gap between them and junior high schools. Today, I will use this case to talk about based on my own experience of going to school. From my observations over the years, there is one main reason for the decline in students’ high school performance: their learning ability is temporarily unable to match the difficulty of the subject. In other words, the intelligence level or intellectual tendency cannot keep up with the knowledge level of high school. For example, I was very good at physics in junior high school, with close to perfect scores. But when I got to the mechanics part of my freshman year of high school, I suddenly couldn’t understand it and couldn’t keep up. When encountering such problems, children with well-developed self-awareness and relatively smooth growth tend to have more courage to face difficulties, find ways to overcome them, know how to seek help from teachers and classmates, and are not too irritable. If one path fails, find another. Get over this academic threshold (which I was then). But it’s hard to say for children who have problems growing up. Now let’s look at this mother’s description: By the third grade of junior high school, it is normal for children to learn at one or two o’clock at night. In order to complete their homework, they sometimes have to write for an hour before getting up early. It is obvious that this is a child who is very strong academically, and his personality may be inherited from his parents, or influenced by his parents. However, when I saw this, my heart tightened and I was extremely shocked! Is this a normal life for a junior high school kid? Let alone minors, even adults may die from overwork if they work like this for a long time! However, the mother said that the couple stayed with their children in the study room to remind them that it was past 12 o\’clock. This was the time when the family of three was closest to their hearts. I think the scariest thing is this \”near\”! For a young girl, is there anything more harmful to her body and mind than staying up too late? As a parent, the correct thing to do is to hold back and try every means to educate your children. I don\’t care where your grades are. You should sleep well first and be healthy physically and mentally, then grades. You can\’t exchange your physical and mental health for grades. Someone asked, are children who are physically and mentally exhausted in junior high school bound to have poor grades in high school? Of course it\’s not absolute, but most of them have little potential left by high school. And those children with sufficient intelligence can do well in junior high school without working so hard. Besides, they also have the ability to balance body and performance, so junior high school will not cause overdraft. Only those honest and well-behaved children will fail to study in high school because of their strong personalities or because they overextend themselves to please their parents. Yes, the way I studied in the early stage was wrong. If I didn’t say it well, I would throw up at it. I didn’t want to learn it in high school at all. Second, hard study in junior high school is not based on true autonomy and internal motivation, but based on strong character and external pressure – I can only have a strong sense of existence if I have good grades; my parents will be satisfied only if I forget about food and sleep -The only way is to go out and learn. In the case, when little Ye Zi registered for school in the third grade of junior high school, it was the child’s first rebellion. Good! I have followed you and tried my best to study, so it’s time for you to follow me. Only when children\’s learning comes from the initiative, freedom and consciousness deep in their hearts, comes from an instinct to pursue excellence, and a sense of autonomy in learning, and is voluntary and enjoyable, can they open roads over mountains and build bridges over rivers. This little leaf is not. By high school, she felt that she had the strength to resist. She would resist whatever she could, resisting her superego and resisting her parents\’ strong will. In addition, I have seen too many children who were relatively well-behaved in elementary school gradually become rebellious and unwilling to study in middle and high school. A common rule is that when they were young, their parents spent a lot of money and invested a lot, but they seemed to be very attentive. If you train your children, their grades will be good, but when they reach middle school or high school, they will start to have a lot of fun. They subconsciously make up for all the delayed play and regain their overly submerged self. These two states are far from the expectations of the parents’ “chicken babies”. why? Parents focus on their children\’s grades but rarely get close to their children\’s hearts and understand their feelings. Third, why is Xiaoyezi high school so mean to his parents? I complied with you too much before, my life was too bad, and I suppressed myself too much. I want to get all the lost self back, just to confront you. Since grades are the most important thing in the eyes of parents, well, bad grades will hit you hard, and I don’t care. You see, after the mother knew her daughter’s grades and rankings, she immediately confiscated the phone. Why didn’t the child resist? Because she had expected this day, and what she thought was that her parents care about grades the most anyway (children don’t understand that most parents What they care about most is their children. In fact, many parents don’t know that what they actually care about most is their children, but if nothing happens to their children, they will only focus on their grades.) Just like this family, the biggest problem is still only focusing on their children’s grades. There is too little care for children. As long as you have good grades, everything will be fine, and you can\’t own electronic products or have puppy love. It\’s a pity that mothers who focus on their children\’s grades are not aware of the inner changes of their children. Instead of comforting their children and looking for the root cause of the decline in their children\’s grades, they simply confiscate their mobile phones and block the last window in their children\’s hearts. . Fourth, the body comes first, the spirit comes second, and grades come third. This is the order that cannot be misplaced at any time in family education. When something happens to a child, many parents blame their own problems, saying that the theater effect makes people breathless and involuntarily involved! Although this is an objective fact, it cannot be an excuse for something to happen to a child. Our parents are so many years older than our children, what do we do? Before the child reaches adulthood, you can protect him from wind and rain! We must stand a little higher than them, see farther, protect them, bear with them, support them, and guide them. If a child cares too much about grades out of self-esteem and competitiveness, suffering physical and mental suffering, we should enlighten him, drag him back from that wrong road, show him the vastness of the sky and the magnificence of the earth, and show him the loveliness and richness of life. ,removeAfter getting good grades, there are so many people and things worthy of love, telling him that his body should come first, his mind second, and his achievements third throughout his life. why is it like this? The first two are the basis of the latter! Otherwise, the gains outweigh the losses, and there may be a longer detour to go!