The personal experience of a teacher mother: Children raised in this way are easily bullied

The son was born with a weak constitution and a cowardly character. Since kindergarten, my son\’s best friends have been girls, and he is also very popular with girls. Because he has always been kind, quiet, not noisy, and never fights with others. After entering elementary school, most of my son\’s good friends were docile and well-behaved children. I never heard my son say that he had any quarrels with anyone. I once asked my son, has anyone bullied you? The son said, no. I deliberately asked, about that classmate in your class, the teacher said he likes to violate disciplines, are you afraid of him? My son said that he was taller and older than me. Of course I was afraid of him, so I kept away from him. But I guess he wouldn’t dare to bully me. Everyone knows that my mother is a teacher. It is true that no matter how violent the school bully is, children are still children. The identity of teachers and parents are still very important and intimidating in the eyes of problem children. I originally thought that my son would always live a peaceful and happy childhood in the company of his parents and friends. However, in March this year, everything was disrupted. In March of this year, my husband and I both left our hometown due to job transfers and moved to another city thousands of miles away, so we could only temporarily leave our son to the care of my mother-in-law. Although I was reluctant to give up, in the long run, with increased income, better living environment, and greater room for development… I finally chose to change. I think, at most, it will take a year to wait for the new environment to settle down, and then take my son with me as soon as possible. This temporary separation should have little impact on his son. To take a step back, even if there is some impact, it should be able to be remedied in the future. My mother-in-law is an old person who lacks a basic sense of responsibility for the family. Apart from three meals a day, her thoughts are all about the mahjong parlor. Therefore, while my husband and I were away, my son was actually a left-behind child. At night, he didn’t even have a companion to talk to. Looking back, this was the first mistake I ever made! As a mother, I gritted my teeth and endured the longing for my son, but I seriously ignored the loneliness and helplessness in my son\’s heart. On the phone, I would only ask my son endlessly: Is he eating well? Is it cold? Are you sick? … My actions have actually exposed my guilt towards my son, just like the words that countless parents who don’t stay by their children often comfort themselves… There is nothing I can do, I just want to eat well and not get sick. This is such a superficial and pale argument that lacks nourishment. Usually when I go back to see my son, I will call in advance. Every time I see my son, although there is a black ring around his neck, his face is still clean and his clothes have been changed, so I feel okay. One time, I was halfway home from a business trip. My phone was out of battery, so I went straight back. However, when I first saw my son playing in the community, I was shocked. He was dirty all over. The hem of the autumn coat he was wearing was much longer than the jacket outside, and the clothes were empty. The ground is wrapped around his body, and his shoes are covered with mud… This may be the true condition of his son. When I was walking home with my son, a child called him from behind: \”Skinny monkey! Do you still want to play with us tomorrow? If you want to play, bring your top!\” I learned from my son that these The child is rude, usuallyHe loves to give others nicknames, talks back to his parents, gets bad grades, and refuses to return his toys… I was so angry and anxious that I even blamed my son indiscriminately: \”Then why are you playing with them? Where are those friends who were very good friends before? Why are they ignoring you?\” Tears welled up in the son\’s eyes, and he whispered: \”I don\’t know why they don\’t like to play with me anymore.\” \”Okay. If the child doesn\’t play with you, then you should read at home by yourself and don\’t hang out with those bad kids.\” \”But mom, grandma is not at home, and I don\’t dare to be at home alone…\” \”What are you afraid of? What is there to be afraid of? \”This is the second mistake I made! I knew that the child was helpless, but instead of standing in his shoes and acknowledging his sadness, accepting his grievances, and giving him a warm hug and firm support, I actually accused him and disliked his cowardice. After that, my son didn’t seem to like to tell me any difficulties he had. Afterwards, I analyzed that there were various reasons why my son’s original friends no longer played with him: some moved to a new community, some attended tutoring classes, but the main reason was that they deliberately alienated their son. After all, his son is now sloppy and sloppy, and he is often alienated by outstanding children with this look. I cried a lot when I left home, but there was no way out. All I can do is settle down in the new environment as soon as possible and then take my son back to me. My son has always taken the school bus to and from school, but starting in May, he showed signs of resisting the school bus. At first, the son told his grandmother that there were two children in the car who were one grade higher than him and were robbing him of his stationery. The grandma told the driver of the school bus to help take care of it and not let the two children bully her son. I didn\’t pay much attention to this matter. It\’s common for children to be naughty and mischievous. Since I told the driver, my son didn\’t mention it again, so it should be over. I took a special leave at the end of June because I wanted to spend time with my son, who was about to take his final exams. My son happily said to me: \”Mom, if you take me to school, can I not take the school bus?\” I said, \”Are those two children still bullying you?\” My son did not answer me and said, \”Mom, you Can you send me off?\” \”As long as mom is at home, of course mom will send you off. But, son, if you see our family\’s difficulties, mom still has to leave. After she leaves, you still have to take the school bus to and from school. Son, you have to take the school bus. It\’s big, there are some things that need to be solved, endured, and cannot be avoided!\” This was another mistake I made! It seems that I am teaching my son to choose to be strong and face difficulties, but in fact, I have tied up the responsibilities of adulthood in the heart of a nine-year-old child, creating pressure that is inappropriate for his age and hindering his ability to avoid risks. wishes that put the child at risk. This wrong view of mine gave the child the wrong message: Your being bullied brings trouble to your parents, good children should not bring trouble to their families, and good children should solve the trouble alone. In short, after my son and I talked, he continued to sit on the school bus and continued to endure the troubles of the two senior children alone, and never took the initiative to disclose to me, a mother, the bullying he had been suffering. Until December, my son couldn\’t bear it anymore and cried.Then I called my dad and asked him for help. The son said: \”Dad, I know you and your mother are busy, and you don\’t want to make your mother anxious, so you have to endure it. Dad, they no longer bully me in the car, but they stop me on the road every day, grab my schoolbag, and throw away my books.\” , poured water from my kettle on my head. They intercepted me every day, and kicked me when they saw me…\” \”They didn\’t let me tell the teacher, saying that your parents are not at home, you Grandma doesn\’t care about you either. The teacher can control the school, but not outside the school…\” \”Dad, can you come back? If you can come back, go find the teacher. If you are too busy and can\’t come back, I will just bear with you. It\’s okay, he The kicks don\’t hurt, I can bear it…\” My husband answered his son\’s call in tears, saying that he was such an irresponsible father. If it weren\’t for his son\’s crying, he wouldn\’t have noticed the loneliness and fear in his son at all. The more sensible his son is, the more uncomfortable he feels… And I am even more embarrassed. My judgment and roughness have brought no less harm to my son. Regarding external bullying, my son would rather bear it alone than tell me directly as a mother. My husband rode home overnight and went to school early in the morning. After reporting the situation to his son\’s class teacher, his son\’s teacher was shocked and immediately went to the class teachers of the two senior children to communicate. The class teachers of the two children were even more surprised and said: \”These two children abide by the rules in the class. Ji, you are usually obedient, did you make a mistake?\” I called two children to investigate, and without much trouble, the two children admitted that they intercepted and beat my son every day. I never expected that a child who seemed to be a good student would actually bully the weak behind his back! If the bullied children didn\’t tell us, we might never know that primary school students have such complicated duality! Teachers expressed their surprise. From a mother\’s perspective, how much I wanted to deal with those two children directly. However, I quickly calmed down. After all, as an adult and a teacher, it was ridiculous to treat two children who made mistakes with violence. Several teachers concentrated their investigation on the matter and concluded that the behavior of the two children constituted bullying of the son, and that the son was the only target of bullying by them. The teacher asked these two children why they bullied my son. Is there any special motive? They talked about it in detail: They were riding the school bus together, knowing that his parents were not at home, and that he was so thin and timid. They wanted to play a prank from the beginning, but one time he accidentally hit him in the head, and he didn\’t do it. Resistance, slowly, I want to take action when I see him… I often see various experts analyzing the internal causes and environment of the formation of bullying psychology. They are so authoritative and professional, but I don\’t think they are more true than the confessions of these two children. In short, the cause of bullying is: I hit you and you didn\’t say no. When a child encounters bullying on campus, the most objectionable thing parents say is: Why is it your child? This sentence is a minefield that teachers and school administrators never dare to touch. And I, as a parent of a primary school student with an identity as a teacher, feel that this issue is worthy of reflection by parents. Why did my own child fall into the danger of being bullied step by step?Why is it my child? My personal experience is that every family of children who are bullied should reflect on the fact that, tangibly and invisibly, when the children need us, we push the children away like accomplices without giving the children the support and support they need. If I had not left my child in a left-behind situation; if I had confirmed the child\’s panic and helplessness in time; if I had encouraged the child to express his needs; if I had not been so selfish in forcing my child to choose to be strong… I believe that when a child encounters When there is a threat, he will tell me immediately instead of drifting away from me and getting closer to the danger. Fortunately, it\’s not too late. The teacher educated those two children and they never bullied my son again. The son returned to his former peace and happiness. In the new semester next year, I can take my son over and reunite the family. Nowadays, I call my son every day to chat and have heart-to-heart conversations. Sometimes I discuss some \”self-defense techniques\” with my son in the air. For example, what should you do if you meet a bad boy? Sometimes I talk to my son about the popular words on the Internet, such as the word \”counseled\”, which corresponds to the word \”怼\”, yes, hate him! The son has the character of a little white rabbit. In my daily life, I have to inspire him with the courage and faith he needs to face the future world. So, how should we teach our children to say no to bullying? The following is my personal opinion, I hope it will be helpful to you. Shouting loudly, the two children who intercepted his son are only one year older than his son, and they do not have typical violent and bullying personalities. They accidentally hit their son in a prank, and their son\’s forbearance allowed them to taste the sweetness of eating soft persimmons, so the little evil in their hearts quickly expanded against their son. If the son could say no loudly in their initial temptation, firmly express his anger and protest, and win psychologically, there might be no bullying later. We hugged each other and never left alone. My son has always been small and small. There used to be a group of friends around him. They all came and went together, like a group of chirping birds. If something happened to someone, people would immediately report it. But he never showed up. Too much anger. The children\’s invisible grouping prevented those problem children with aggressive tendencies from targeting, and all they could see were the lone lambs. Therefore, encourage children to make more friendly friends and have their own small teams and circles. It is important to report in a timely manner and not to suppress it. When you encounter problems, you must report them to your teachers and parents in a timely manner. Bad children will never be as powerful as their teachers and parents. There is no shame in being offended. Children who are offended should publicize it, there is no need to endure it, and there is no need to hide it. Seek protection, don\’t be impulsive. Don\’t confront strong opponents head-on, don\’t be impulsive and fight with others. Since you have been targeted by the other party, it means that the other party has compared your strengths first. If you are stronger than him, he will not look for you. But you are likely to run faster than him. You have to shout loudly as you run, and run to the office canteen and other places where there are teachers and adults. Perhaps, what happened to my son does not represent what everyone has seen, but as long as there is another child suffering from it, the phenomenon of campus bullying cannot be ignored, and our prevention and rectification of campus bullying should always be routine. A tough campus, troubled students, bullying on campus, school and homeFamily and society, we will always say no together!