The principal of the High School Affiliated to Fudan shouted loudly: Parents, please stop, otherwise the children will be ruined.

A few days ago, a parent of a student called me and asked me very anxiously: \”Teacher, my child\’s academic performance has not improved. What should I do? Is there any way to make him further?\” After listening to him If so, I\’m very confused. His child\’s grades have always been very good in the class, ranking among the top three. Isn\’t this enough? \”Of course not. People only know that the highest peak in the world is Mount Everest. No one cares about the second peak. Only if he can get first place in the exam can he be considered successful.\” This view speaks to many parents to a certain extent. idea. Some people see the world developing rapidly and are afraid that their children will not be able to keep up with the times, so they force their children to do their best in everything; some people place their ideals on their children and hope that their children will realize what they cannot do. He was forced to study at all costs. Wu Jian, principal of the High School Affiliated to Fudan University, once said in an interview: \”Adolescents, as individuals, have their own inherent emotional needs and growth patterns. However, in the larger social context, people tend to pay more attention to scores, and learning behaviors are alienated. . There are even parents who have to reach the edge of their children’s spiritual collapse and destroy their children before they realize: Everything else doesn’t matter, as long as they are healthy.” There is no doubt that educational anxiety is the source of distress for contemporary parents, but if you make the wrong choice. This method will only cause the child a lifetime of pain. \”Achievement-only theory\” will only ruin the children\’s success in the TV series \”Come on!\” In \”Mom\”, Su Qing, who came from an ordinary family, became a strong and resolute woman in the workplace through hard study and hard work. She firmly believes that \”achievement only\” can bring success, so she has strict requirements for her two sons: they must go to the best schools, get the highest grades, attend cram schools after school, and attend specialty classes on weekends…even if her sons cry She resisted and complained about her pressure and unhappiness, but she still did not waver, saying: \”You don\’t understand mom, and mom doesn\’t blame you, but mom believes that when you grow up, you will be grateful for the pressure training now.\” She doesn’t remember the child’s hobbies, what the child likes to eat, or even the last time the child laughed. She just clearly remembers the child’s grades. It wasn\’t until her eldest son, Xiaofu, gave up on himself and became rebellious and unmanageable under the pressure of his parents\’ neglect and failure in exams that she realized how much damage her anxiety had caused to her child. I once saw this question on Zhihu: \”Is it the biggest lie to not let your children lose at the starting line?\” One of the upvoted answers said: This sentence is not a lie, but it is used incorrectly. object. To prevent children from losing at the starting line does not mean torturing the child to death, but to understand that the child\’s starting line is, to a certain extent, determined by the parents. A family with a strong sense of literature and harmonious husband and wife will naturally raise a child who is gentle, respectful and loves learning. And a family with constant anxiety and tense relationships will only raise a submissive child who dare not express himself. It is undeniable that in today\’s social background, if children from ordinary families want to succeed, studying is indeed the best way, but it is by no means the only way. What parents should understand is that grades are just aIt is a tool to distinguish children\’s learning ability in a short period of time; rather than the ultimate goal of education, it should not and has never been the decisive factor in judging whether a child is excellent or not. What education wants to cultivate is children with all-round development. Putting aside everything and talking about grades will only destroy children. There are millions of paths to success, and only the right one is the best. Only by teaching students in accordance with their aptitude can we teach outstanding children. There is such a short story about teaching students in accordance with their aptitude. One day, Confucius\’s student Zilu asked him, \”Sir, if I hear a correct idea, can I do it immediately?\” Confucius glanced at Zilu and said slowly: \”You must ask your father and brother. How can I do it?\” Just do it after hearing it?\” Another student Ran You asked the same question. Confucius immediately replied: \”Yes, it should be implemented immediately.\” Why are there completely different answers to the same question? That\’s because Confucius knew the personalities of these two students very well. Zi Lu was aggressive and competitive, and often did things without thinking, so Confucius advised him to think twice before acting; Ran You was humble and hesitant, so Confucius encouraged him to be decisive in dealing with matters. The same is true for family education, which requires parents to provide correct guidance based on the different characteristics of their children. In the book \”Psychological Nutrition\”, Dr. Lin Wencai divides children into four types: optimistic, melancholic, radical, and calm. Optimistic children have broad interests and are good at sociability, but are impulsive and have poor self-control. Parents need to give him more praise and affirmation, and at the same time consciously cultivate his self-management ability. Melancholic children are idealistic, highly sensitive, but pessimistic and passive, and prone to getting into trouble. Parents need to always pay attention to his emotions, create a good family atmosphere, and resolve his bad emotions in a timely manner. Radical children are strong in action and determined, but irritable and too stubborn. Parents need to establish a good sense of morality and right and wrong in him, and cultivate his organizational and leadership skills. Calm children are gentle, stable, cautious, but not expressive and emotionally indifferent. Parents need more encouragement and companionship to let him feel the deep love. Raising a child is like planting a tree. You must first know its characteristics before you can fertilize and water it according to its habits to help it grow. In the final analysis, achievements are just one of the branches. They can be the icing on the cake, but they are not crucial. What should be most concerned about is the luxuriant branches of the entire tree. Only when parents can truly know and understand their children, and choose education methods that are suitable for their children, can they educate outstanding children. The most advanced family education is for parents to do these four things well. Chen Heqin, the father of child education, said: \”No matter who you are, it is easy to change things after being inspired, but it is not easy to change things after being scolded.\” Learn the following few things To be a qualified parent and raise excellent children: 1. See your children’s efforts and dedication. When test scores are poor, don’t blame them immediately. Think about your child’s performance during this period first. It\’s because he doesn\’t study hard, plays around all day long, and doesn\’t listen to his parents\’ earnest advice. I still go home honestly after school every day, complete my homework carefully, and focus on reviewing before the exam. However, because I don’t have a suitable learning method or I am really not born to study cultural courses, I fail the exam. If he really tried his best, don\’t blame him, the regret caused by his efforts but no results was enough to overwhelm him at this time. 2. Recognize and respect children’s differences. Every child is unique, they have their own characteristics, and we must learn to tap into their shining points. He may not be good at Chinese, but he has good mathematical thinking; he may not like learning cultural classes, but he has strong practical ability. He may like to study flowers and plants and know their \”lives\” well; he may also like to observe birds, animals, fish and insects, and count their \”pasts\” one by one. There are no perfect people in this world, and there are no perfect children. It is precisely because of their differences that they create interesting souls. What parents should do most is to realize that a child’s greatest value is his infinite possibilities. 3. Don’t compare. No child is willing to admit that he or she is inferior to others. They want to be recognized by their parents, and their understanding of themselves often comes from their parents\’ evaluation. If parents keep comparing their children with \”other people\’s children\”, there will only be two results: either the child will catch up, overextend himself, and become another tool to show off; or the child will work hard but not get the results he wants. , unable to bear the pressure and do stupid things. Comparison is the stupidest thing in the world. It has no use except hurting yourself and those around you. What parents should do more is not to judge good or bad based on their grades or to target others, but to learn to see their children\’s strengths, understand their shortcomings, and improve their shortcomings. 4. Learn to let go at the right time. In family education, one of the most common phenomena is that parents do not let their children do anything on the grounds of studying. This kind of training method will only produce \”giant babies\” who can\’t live without home. When he gets good grades and prepares to go to school, he cannot wash, cook, clean housework, get along with others, or take care of himself. Even if he studies well, it is useless. He cannot integrate into the campus, let alone enter the society. What education wants to cultivate is not just a test machine that only knows how to study, but people with independent thoughts and sound personality. What parents need to do is to let go at the right time, teach their children to be independent and do their own things; teach them to be strong and have enough stress resistance to face the storms in the future; teach them to be grateful and always have an innocent heart. Lin Qingxuan said: \”Every child in the world is different, just like growing plants; bamboo shoots and bananas are grown on hillside, watermelon and cantaloupe are grown in sandy land, and taro is grown in mud. Different plants are suitable for different lands, and there is not just one \”As a parent, when facing your children, please give more praise and less criticism, more respect and less blame, and more understanding and less comparison. Learn to see children\’s strengths, learn to understand children\’s personalities, and learn to teach students in accordance with their aptitude. Only in this way can we cultivate truly outstanding children. I hope every parent can find a suitable education method for their children and grow together with them.