The reasons for the failure of family education: being at the starting line, falling behind in the race, and losing at the finish line

A few days ago, I was chatting with a mother in the community. She asked me what classes I had enrolled my child in. I said that my child was only three years old and had not enrolled in any classes. She was surprised: \”You are so calm. When my son was three years old, he attended several classes.\” The mother proudly said that her son was 5 years old this year and already knew a thousand words. . In order to help her son learn to read more, she enrolled in several pre-school tutoring classes. The house was filled with literacy posters. She had to watch her son read for several hours every night, and she was not allowed to sleep until he learned how to read. Now the child not only needs to learn to read, but also needs to be able to memorize multiplication tables. We are also planning to enroll him in an English tutoring class. She said with emotion: \”They say you can\’t lose at the starting line, so we parents must help our children get ahead of the competition now.\” As she spoke, she raised her hand to look at her watch: It\’s time to go back to study. She called back the child who was having a great time playing. The child obviously didn\’t want to go back and bargained: \”Mom, can I play for ten more minutes?\” The mother replied sternly: \”I just know how to play. Why don\’t you hurry up and copy it?\” It\’s time to eat, and I have other tasks in the evening.\” The child finally failed to resist his mother and left angrily. Looking at the young and helpless figure of the child, I couldn\’t calm down for a long time. I couldn\’t help but think of what Jiang Cheng, associate professor of the School of Education of Peking University, said. He said that the fear of \”educational backwardness\” caused everyone to work hard and want to be in the front. No one is willing to let their children take second place, so parents push their children forward, and forward again… In Beijing, a preschool that connects infants and primary schools relies on \”rushing\” to attend classes, and reservations are made several months in advance. In Hangzhou, a survey of 1,000 families conducted by a teacher showed that 50.28%, more than half, of the children had attended bridging classes for kindergarten. Not only ordinary parents are worried about their children\’s \”starting line\”, but celebrity parents are not immune either. A video of Miss World Zhang Zilin teaching her 2-year-old daughter how to read has aroused heated discussions among netizens. Regrettably, however, survey data shows that this wave of national rush to “prevent children from losing at the starting line” is actually of little use. Children who attended kindergarten bridging classes still had an advantage in learning in first grade; but in third grade, the number of children who felt academically burdened was 6.55% higher than those with no basic knowledge. Researchers in Germany compared 50 game-centered kindergartens with 50 knowledge-centered kindergartens. It was found that the advantage of children learning early can only be maintained until the fourth grade at most. Starting in 4th grade, children who learn early experience a decline in performance, especially in reading and math, and are not as socially and emotionally as their peers. There is a time for everything: a time to sow, a time to grow, a time to bloom, and a time to wither. Jumping ahead may \”win short-term benefits\”, but in the long run, it is just destructive. The young genius Zhang Xinyang knew more than 2,000 Chinese characters at the age of two; he completed six years of primary school courses in two years; he skipped grades in junior high school and high school; he was admitted to Tianjin Institute of Technology at the age of 10; and later became the youngest master\’s student at Beijing University of Technology. However, Zhang Xinyang\’s knowledge and mind did not develop at the same time due to his parents\’ blind efforts to encourage his children. He is not good at socializing with classmates, is selfish and vain, and even forces his parents toBeijing bought him a house. Called by netizens \”a giant with IQ and a dwarf with emotional intelligence.\” Zhang Fang from Shanghai, under the guidance of his father, became a sensation when he was admitted to the Youth Class of the University of Science and Technology of China at the age of 13. After graduation, I repeatedly ran into obstacles when looking for a job. I still didn\’t find a formal job until I was nearly 50 years old. Zhang Fang said: \”What I regret most is that I did not go to school at a normal age. I will not let my son take the path I did.\” Life is a marathon, and those who win at the starting line often cannot become the final winner. , because he exhausted his strength from the beginning. And for those children who have jumped the gun since childhood, even if they achieve worldly success when they grow up, it is difficult for them to become happy and healthy people. Zheng Shuang has been subject to \”military management\” by his mother since he was a child. In order to cultivate her daughter\’s artistic talents, her mother sent her to various interest classes such as piano, flute, and dance when she was 5 years old. If she doesn\’t do well in piano practice, her mother will tickle her hands and beat her. She keeps participating in various entertainment competitions and is punished if she doesn\’t win the prize. She didn\’t have a childhood. She spent her childhood practicing various talents and wished she could split her time in half. Zheng Shuang entered the entertainment industry early. From the perspective of fame and fortune, she was successful, but she was not even \”mature\”. In the variety show \”Flowers and Boys\”, other people on the show team commented on Zheng Shuang: \”It\’s not easy to communicate and we can\’t play together. She cares too much about other people\’s opinions at all times, even to the point of anxiety.\” In In \”Daughters\’ Love 2\”, she took the initiative to show friendship to her boyfriend Zhang Heng after a quarrel, but Zhang Heng always kept a straight face. In the end, Zheng Shuang cried aggrievedly, but Zhang Heng remained silent. In fact, in every relationship, she is the \”humble\” one, extremely insecure. Even when facing Zhang Heng, who is far less famous than her, she is still careful to please. She once broke down and cried in front of the camera: \”If I were fat, who would still like me.\” American psychologist Gesell once said: In any training or education content, maturity is the main driving force for children\’s development. The biggest mistake parents make is to let their children rush to the starting line, fall in the middle of the race, and lose before the finish line. The road of life must be walked step by step. Trying your best to let your child get ahead will only weaken his thirst for knowledge and exploration. Therefore, in the past few years, the Ministry of Education issued the \”Guidelines for Learning and Development of Children Aged 3-6\”, warning parents and schools to let their children \”do things at what age.\” For example, a 5 or 6-year-old preschooler only needs to \”be able to perform addition and subtraction operations within 10\”. He only needs to be \”interested in text symbols in reading books and in daily life situations, and know that words represent certain meanings.\” That is, But… in many countries, advanced education is prohibited. Germany, for example, has even written the ban on preschool education into its basic law, prohibiting parents from giving extra classes to their children outside of kindergarten teaching. Because \”it is very inhumane to let children enter the fast running channel from the beginning.\” Scholar Yang Peichang said that education in Germany is a gradually accelerated approach: kindergartens do not learn professional knowledge, but teach some basic moral ethics and learn to get along with others. , the important task is to have fun; in elementary school, I only learned some very simple knowledge, and only in middle school did I start to enter the running channel.But I still jog; only when I got to college and became an adult did I start to enter the fast running channel. At this time, there was finally competition, and the differences between everyone were revealed. But this country that deliberately lets its children \”lose at the starting line\” has contracted half of the world\’s Nobel Prizes. There is a term in psychology called infantile amnesia, which means that most of people’s memories before the age of 3 will be forgotten. The words they know, the words they remember, and the ancient poems they memorize will soon disappear in their memory. However, these lost childhood memories will deeply affect the child\’s emotions and mentality throughout his life. As parents, what should we leave in our children\’s \”implicit memory\”? Are you forcing him to recite ancient poems and anxiously showing him flashcards? Or play games, play, or read picture books with him? Or give him a hug when he cries and encourage him when he fails? The answer is clear. There is such a 3-year-old boy who leaves early for kindergarten every day, but is often the last to arrive in class. Because on the way to school, he had to lie in the crack of the door and look at other people\’s yards. Count the little earthworms that were crushed on the ground. Look at the dead leaves falling from the trees. Step into the puddles after the rain. Say hello to the little sheep with the broken horn. I also have to walk back from time to time. Source Douyin account @Dear Fat Tiger Educator Sun Yunxiao said: Allow children to have a dull, dreamy, fun-loving, and nonsense time in childhood. The mother of this child did it, and this child is also enviable. In his ignorant mind, the world is rich and interesting, and his mother is patient and warm. When he grows up, the trees on the street, the ants on the road, the playmates in the kindergarten… these may all be forgotten, but the carefree happiness can be stored in his life for a lifetime. Russell wrote in \”Conquering Happiness\”: Children are like young plants. They must stay in the same soil without being disturbed in order to develop well. As a parent, raise your children like plants. Let him breathe and breathe at his own pace…let him have the happiness of a 3-year-old when he is 3 years old, and the freedom of a 5-year-old when he is 5 years old…let him jump, laugh and make trouble, stay curious and creative, form good habit. Life is a long marathon, and the important thing is not to rush ahead, but to accumulate energy at the starting point. Good parents will allow their children to take their time. Above, let’s encourage each other.