The right kind of love is not about giving hard, but about withdrawing gracefully.

In the WeChat group of her son’s class, there is a very special mother. Because teachers will post some recent photos of their children in kindergarten every day. Once no photos of my daughter were found. He will definitely come out to say hello, \”Where is my baby?\” This happens again and again. I think the teachers must be thinking about being the first to take pictures of this little girl. Because there is a mother who is always paying attention to her children! I still remember sending Xiao Xiaoyu to kindergarten on the first day. Because I was still a little worried, I didn\’t go home directly after I was sent to the classroom. Instead, I watched the small pictures on the surveillance camera in the reception room below. Looking at the small dots in there, I felt a little relieved. After waiting for almost half an hour, I made sure there was no crying and went home. Probably because he was afraid that we would be worried, the teacher specially took a video of him at school for me. When he was lining up to raise the flag on the playground, I saw that he looked confused, his two little hands tightly grasping the hem of his clothes (this is his typical nervous action), and his eyes looking around anxiously. Because this is completely foreign to him. Seeing his nervous look, I felt a little nervous. When I picked him up in the evening to reassure him, the teacher said he was doing great. I asked him how he felt, if he was nervous. The little guy denied it, saying that he was not nervous at all and was very happy. \”That\’s good, come on, come on, daddy will pick you up early tomorrow!\” That was probably the first time the little guy spent a day alone in a strange environment. It is the first step from family to society. I know there will be more and more separations like this. And that is indeed the case now. His world keeps opening up and he tries more and more things. He is no longer always clinging to me like he was when he was three years old. Sometimes I feel a little disappointed. For example, I went back to my hometown some time ago. After not seeing my son for three days, I came home excitedly. I thought he would jump into my arms with joy and say, Dad, I miss you. The results of it! When people come home from school, they immediately go looking for their toys. Then when he saw me, he naturally called daddy, and my bouncy ball was gone. Then he continued to look around with his butt stuck out. Leave me melancholy in that space. I never worry about whether I will give my son less love. But I am afraid that the love I give is too hard and I don’t know how to quit. Parents\’ love for their children always increases inadvertently. And as the number continues to increase, I have tightly tied myself to my children. In infancy, such binding can give the baby the best sense of security and satisfaction. But when it\’s time to let go, you still hold on tightly. That will affect the formation of children\’s independence. Children actually need the opportunity to be independent, and no one can deprive them of it. When boys grow up to about 2 years old, they begin to take the first steps of independence. From this point on, parents must consciously create appropriate independent space for him. Boys aged 2-5 years will reveal their personalities more and more. At this time, children tend to lose their temper in order to maintain their own space. For example, some children must eat by themselves, but they make a mess when eating. Mothers may take action to stop it. Or teach children how to do it. Children will lose their temper, but the final result is often to give up on their own. Just let mom feed me, I just need to open my mouth. In fact, I eat by myself and my parents feed me., seems to be a very simple thing. It doesn\’t seem to matter. But the meaning is completely different. Because the cultivation of children\’s independent ability is not achieved overnight. But it is formed through exercise again and again. Made up of these little things one after another. Parents should not suppress his resistance too much, but should understand him more, otherwise it may hinder the development of his inner self and destroy the formation of his independent character. Unfortunately, there are still many parents who are unwilling to step out of their children\’s world. In fact, such parents, rather than saying they love their children, it is better to say that they want to fully control their children. This kind of control will bring a sense of accomplishment and power, making them satisfied with their terrible life. You see, at least I have control over my kids. I once saw a case in a book. A 75-year-old peasant woman, her son is still living with her when he is 50 years old. They both got pneumonia at the same time. The mother survived, but the son died. When the mother learned of her son\’s death, she said sadly: \”I knew a long time ago that I would not be able to bring this child up.\” The mother felt that she was responsible for her child\’s life and never intended to make him an independent member of society. people. This mother failed to expand her child\’s connections with others and guide him to interact and cooperate with other people in his life. The same is true for a friend\’s cousin. Once his aunt took her cousin to his unit for an interview. Even though I told you many times beforehand, as long as one person comes, it will be fine. But the mother was worried, so she decided to take action herself. The results of the written test were very good. But it’s time for the interview. When answering questions, I always said, \”My mom said…or I have to ask my mom.\” In the end, I was directly brushed off. Comments include lack of work experience, lack of independence, and lack of independence. When a friend told my aunt. Unexpectedly, the old man said directly, \”It\’s okay. If you don\’t hire my son, it will be a loss for your company. You must know that he has passed five certificates and has a master\’s degree.\” These are all arranged by the mother and are her life\’s hard work. Proud to be proud of. But the mother cannot arrange work experience for her son. Because these need to be done by the children themselves. Later, this younger brother, who had obtained five certificates, had been unemployed at home. Is this kind of love love or harm? Many people may say that this child is not living up to expectations. He has put in so much effort as a parent and ends up growing old at home. But few people will see this child\’s misfortune. His misfortune was actually caused by his parents\’ arrangements. When I went to interviews as an adult, I followed closely, but imagine how strictly controlled I was when I was a child. When you love your children, you must never lose yourself. Let your children feel that you are a complete and independent person. Rather than being bound to him. You can\’t say that you give up yourself for the sake of your children. This not only causes trouble to the child, but is also irresponsible to oneself. Only with a sense of boundaries can children feel that they are independent. People who have lost their self-worth are pitiful. She seems to love her children very much, but the children are not happy. On the contrary, it will be very painful. Why? Because the person standing in front of him does not have a life of his own, and everything is done to himself. The child will look down on you in his heart. He is also confused and has low self-esteem. I have a relative. He always talks about how great his son is when he meets everyone. I can\’t bear to eat it, and I always doTwo sets of old clothes. Working hard on the construction site. The greatest pleasure is talking about my son with others. Only then will his face be flushed and his eyes will be shining. But what about his son? He almost never goes with his father. Even if they have to walk together, they follow at a distance. When I go to school to pay tuition, only my mother goes, and my father is never asked to go. Moreover, he loves to play with his mobile phone. When his old father talks about it, he will kick his eyes and yell at him. In the end, my father always said with a smile, \”Go on, just don\’t get your eyes wrong.\” Once, he had a quarrel with his father. \”You know how hard I have worked for you, why do you always fail to live up to your expectations and get such a low score in the exam?\” \”Look at yourself, you are always dirty and smelly. People laugh when you walk outside. You live like this. , why should you care about me?\” At that time, he was so angry that his veins bulged, but he was helpless. Because the current situation is all caused by ourselves. As parents, it is natural to love your children. But truly loving children requires wisdom.