The saddest thing about Chinese parents: They carry everything for their children, but let their children carry the world

\”People who have a very happy childhood often have an unhappy adulthood.\” Parents have carried everything for their children, so how can they hope that they will carry the world in the future. School has started, and many parents think that everything will be fine if their children are sent to school safely. However, many children have already lost their ability to live… On the first day of school, a piece of news appeared in a primary school in Ningbo: Half of the children were eating. Facing the shrimps, they were dumbfounded. Some picked them up to smell them, some picked them up and licked them, and then reluctantly parted with them, looking at the shrimps and sighing. The teacher asked the reason: \”It turns out that you can! Peel! Shrimp!\” As soon as such news came out, everyone was already accustomed to it, because every year around the start of school, news like this would spring up like mushrooms after a rain. Many teachers have long been accustomed to it. Regarding the fact that half of the children cannot peel shrimps, the principal of the school said that “he is very satisfied with the result.” He also said that when he was first transferred to the school, “almost all the children could not eat shrimps, and the number of children who could peel shrimps was probably in the single digits.” \”. The child cannot peel shrimps, cannot tie shoelaces, and has poor self-care ability. What is the problem? Many people\’s comments point to the same point: they are all spoiled by their parents. But why is it that on the one hand, there are accusations against these endless news, but on the other hand, news like this is still flooding the screen? Growth is never an important point that happens overnight. It may be that parents think that \”these trivial things will come naturally when the children grow up.\” At least that’s what the mother of prodigy Wei Yongkang thinks. How good the child prodigy’s results can be summarized as follows: Mastered more than 1,000 Chinese characters at the age of two; completed junior high school courses at the age of four; entered a key high school at the age of eight; was admitted to the Department of Physics of Xiangtan University at the age of 13; and was admitted to the Institute of High Energy Physics of the Chinese Academy of Sciences at the age of 17. , Master and PhD program. Such academic performance is astonishing, but the child prodigy was dismissed from the school simply because of his poor ability to take care of himself, and he did not even obtain a graduate degree. Like many parents, Wei Yongkang\’s mother believes that as long as her children have good grades, everything else is grass; only by concentrating on studying can they be successful in the future. Except for studying, Wei Yongkang is not allowed to interfere in anything at home. Every morning, his mother squeezed in toothpaste for him, then washed his clothes, served food, bathed, washed his face, and even fed him herself when he was in high school so that he would not miss reading while eating. He eats. It can be said that from elementary school to university, Wei Yongkang\’s life was arranged by his mother. As for her son\’s poor ability to take care of himself, she said, \”They are so smart and they can learn it quickly.\” After Wei Yongkang was expelled from school, a news report strongly proved his mother\’s wrong idea: Parents are raising children like giant pandas. Why can\’t they understand, \”Who will take care of whom for the rest of their lives? What a heavy burden that is.\” So we have to be self-reliant.\” Wei Yongkang\’s mother finally understood and expressed deep regret for the harm she had done to her child. Chinese-style parents should take this as a warning. Parents cannot accompany their children throughout their lives. Incompetent children who are separated from their parents will have a bleak life. I once saw a piece of news that 23-year-old Yang Suo died of starvation at home. This young man has no mental illness. He only suffers from excessive pampering from his family.He developed laziness and starved to death because of his laziness. How much can you pamper? When he was 8 years old, his parents used a load to carry him when he went out, and he never walked. His parents, who are farmers, never let him do any farm work. \”You go aside and play, don\’t get tired…\” How lazy can you be? Starved to death? After his parents passed away from illness, he sold all the valuable things in the family. Later, he and his cousin worked in the construction team because it was too hot. When he worked as a waiter in a restaurant, he had to be served by others. When he was given food, he wanted others to feed him directly into his mouth. Finally, he returned Go to the village to beg for food from house to house, go to bed after eating a full meal, and come out to beg for food when you are really hungry; never wash clothes, throw them away when they are dirty, and change another one, never cook, even go to the toilet Dig a hole in the house to solve it… Tolstoy said: \”If a person knows how to work and how to love, then he will have a wonderful life.\” Vice versa. To teach children how to work and how to love, parents cannot be offside or miss opportunities. Because from putting on clothes and brushing teeth, to washing dishes and laundry, people need to slowly learn various skills in the process of taking care of themselves. The result of parents replacing them is that the children lose their ability and interest in life, and more importantly, they lose any ability to think. Rousseau said that if a child does not develop the habit of thinking, he will have no ability to think throughout his life. Don\’t say it – anyway, children will be able to dress and eat when they grow up. Remember, growth never happens overnight. Real enrichment is about cultivating children\’s independent personality. Another reason why there are endless news about children with poor self-care ability is that many parents misunderstand \”children must be enriched\”. They believe that children from poor families have just started to take charge of their own affairs. If parents let their children learn to take care of themselves and learn to do housework, they will invisibly reveal their poverty and expose their own shortcomings. Therefore, children must be pampered according to the standards of little princes and princesses. They must hold out their hands when wearing clothes, open their mouths when eating, and keep their fingers away from spring water. In this way, they can have a \”noble\” temperament. For independent children, they are oriented not with awe but with sympathy. For example, the incident of \”8-year-old Chongqing boy eating hot pot alone\” went viral in the circle of friends two days ago. The boy was obviously eating hot pot happily and \”independently\”, but he was suddenly seen as miserable and \”alone\” eating hot pot. Video of 8-year-old Chongqing boy eating hot pot Obviously, these parents don’t know that the real enrichment of their children is to cultivate their children’s independent personality. When it comes to having a wealthy family, few people can compare to Li Ka-shing, but Li Ka-shing’s education for his children has never been about letting them enjoy all the glory and wealth, and they should be the “second generation rich” by rights. He taught his children to be self-reliant and self-reliant from an early age. Nowadays, parents have to drive their children to school, and even carry their schoolbags for their children. Li Ka-shing rarely uses a private car to send his children to school, letting the children make their own trams and buses, let alone carry their schoolbags. Today\’s children don\’t have to do anything when they come home. The biggest task is probably to slide their fingers on the phone and turn on the TV remote control. Li Ka-shing, on the other hand, requires his two children to work as handymen, waiters, and caddies at golf courses from an early age. Having a vision is more important than having assets, and having independent abilities is more important than having knowledge.want. Independent personality is the basis of competition. Chinese-style parents who blindly spoil their children and take care of everything for their children are actually laying time bombs for their children\’s future. American child mental health experts have said, \”People who have very happy childhoods often have unhappy adults.\” Parents carried everything for their children when they were children, how can they hope that they will carry the world in the future? Flowers in a greenhouse cannot withstand rain, dew, wind and frost. Some people describe today\’s children, who grow up under the care of their parents, as like flowers in a greenhouse that can no longer withstand the slightest blow. According to data from the Ministry of Health, suicide ranks fifth among the causes of death in China, and young adults aged 15 to 35 are the main group of suicides. Even the writer Yu Hua said: \”There are many outstanding people among China\’s younger generation, but few can handle things!\” Therefore, there are tragic news on the Internet about outstanding college students seeking death when they disagree with each other, and committing suicide when they can\’t think about it. All. When it comes to children committing suicide, many parents don\’t understand, \”My child, you are too fragile. You are depressed at every turn and commit suicide at every turn. If your life was like ours back then, you would have died dozens of times.\” The most complex complex of contradictions, yes, is Chinese-style parents, on the one hand, they think their children are fragile, but on the other hand, they make their children vulnerable. Someone did such a survey: Poor ability to withstand stress is considered to be the main reason for the suicide of outstanding college students. In fact, it is not that children have poor ability to withstand stress, but that children do not have the opportunity to accept setbacks. Think about whether this phenomenon often appears in our lives: children want to tie their own shoelaces and eat by themselves, but parents think it is too slow and simply do it all; children want to do some housework, but parents think that the children are causing trouble and yell at the children, \”Go away.\” , go and do your homework.\” When children don\’t want to go to cram schools, parents say \”I\’m doing this for your own good\” and kidnap their children in the name of \”love\” to make them lose their ability to think. Tai Qi, a youth resilience instructor, said: “Today, children are over-protected at home and in school and generally do not encounter difficulties. They have no opportunity to develop the ability to overcome actual setbacks, and accordingly they do not develop perseverance in the process. Character. Therefore, once you encounter setbacks in your future life, you will inevitably have serious psychological problems and it will be difficult to get out of the shadow of setbacks.\” The serious consequence is that children who grow up under the care of their parents will not be able to cope with difficulties and setbacks when they are faced with difficulties and setbacks. Sometimes, I feel that \”life is worse than death\”, and I always end my life with extreme suicide. Even if the child does not go to extremes, he will still be worried and depressed when faced with the chaos of work and life. Take Wei Yongkang above as an example. He is a standard \”professional high-achiever, but a low-energy person in life\”. He only cares about studying and does not know how to get along with others. He traveled many places before finding a job in Shenzhen with a \”monthly income of four to five thousand yuan.\” \”work. Suffering and setbacks are the nutrients that build a child\’s perseverance, while doting and pampering are the poison that destroys a child\’s will. The child is pampered at home, but what awaits him will be bumping into walls outside. Love ≠ Provide, please give your children the opportunity to face setbacks independently. Some people use the word \”setback\” to describe Lincoln\’s life: at the age of 22, he failed to run for county council; at the age of 23, his lover died; at the age of 24, he almost suffered a mental breakdown; at the age of 26When he was young, he failed to run for state legislators; when he was 30, he failed to run for congressman… But it was these countless setbacks that created his brilliant achievements. Chinese-style parents must understand that moderate frustration education is an indispensable part of family education to allow children to adapt to society independently, to become competitive, and to have the possibility of success. Isn’t it sad to think about this phenomenon: There has been a lot of discussion in the media about “China One” (China’s only second generation). Colleges and universities in India and other countries refuse to accept Chinese only children because the current generation of children has poor independence. The deeper reason is that the school believes that a child who cannot be independent in life has no consciousness and creativity at all. In other words, parents spend their whole lives working hard to make their children successful, but they fail to succeed and ruin their children\’s life. There is a passage in Long Yingtai\’s \”Watching Off\” that summarizes the educational words and deeds of today\’s Chinese parents, which is particularly appropriate: We desperately learn how to sprint a hundred meters, but no one teaches us: when you fall, how to fall with dignity; your knees How do you clean the wound and bandage it when it is bloody and bloody? When you are in unbearable pain, what kind of expression do you use to face others? When you fall headlong, how do you heal the bleeding wound in your heart and how do you gain deep peace of mind? ; When your heart is broken like glass, how do you clean it up? In fact, throughout some developed countries, they all require their children to face setbacks independently: American parents are willing to let their children learn to be independent and how to make a living without a penny; Swiss parents In order to let the children learn another language, they are willing to let their children work as nannies in bilingual areas since childhood; German law clearly stipulates that children must undertake corresponding household chores, such as shining shoes for the whole family; it is rare to see children holding or carrying children on the streets in Russia. Parents of children who stumble and fall never cry. Dr. James, an authority on American education, has also repeatedly emphasized: \”Reliance on itself breeds laziness, mental laxity, disdain for independent thinking, and is easy to be manipulated by others. Weaknesses such as doing everything for your children are a perfect parent, but they are definitely not a qualified parent. Their \”love\” is like a double-edged sword, which hurts and harms children!\” Towering trees cannot be cultivated in a greenhouse. Only by allowing children to face everything independently can children truly take on the world. I hope that news like \”children can\’t peel shrimps\” will no longer be a hot topic for criticism. I hope that the tragedy of children giving up their lives easily when encountering the slightest setback will no longer happen. I hope that every child will have the courage to face difficulties.