The scene of Zhang Yuqi raising her baby alone is exposed, revealing the heart-wrenching truth

The recent TV series \”Come on, Mom\” ​​starring Zhang Yuqi, Wu Yue, and Dong Jie is currently on the air. The whole play tells the story of how mothers from five different families grew up while accompanying their children from infancy to childhood. Many netizens commented that after watching this drama, they felt that the father should be the most supportive when raising children. The mothers in TV dramas work very hard. Zhou Nannan, an unmarried single mother played by Zhang Yuqi, stepped out of her comfort zone to bravely compete for a bank account manager in order to let her children go to a better kindergarten; Su Qing, a mother of two children played by Wu Yue, gave up her beloved career in order to better care for her children. , the legal profession has lost an elite female lawyer since then; the stay-at-home mother He Xiaohan, played by Dong Jie, confronts her powerful mother-in-law and escapes from her mother-in-law for the sake of her child\’s future. As for the father in the play, he is either absent from his children\’s education because he is busy with work, or he is irresponsible to the family. Su Qing\’s husband was busy with his career and never had a home, which resulted in both children being extremely lacking in father\’s love. The younger son was timid and cowardly, while the older son skipped school, smoked and lied in order to gain his parents\’ attention, transforming from a top student into a \”bad\” child; He Xiaohan My husband ignored the children\’s education, ignored the quarrels between mother-in-law and daughter-in-law, and allowed the patriarchal mother to oppress his wife on the grounds that he was busy with work, which caused his wife to suffer from depression and the child to suffer from gender identity disorder. Although he is a girl, he always wants to be a boy. Although the plot of the TV series is relatively extreme, there are indeed many fathers in life who have been absent from their children\’s education. A recent survey report conducted by the All-China Women\’s Federation and the National Bureau of Statistics shows that among fathers under the age of 40, 70% have never or rarely taken care of their children in the past year; they have never or rarely tutored their children in their homework. Accounting for 47%; many people say that as the main caregiver of the child, the mother is very important to the child\’s education, but the father\’s companionship and education are also indispensable. As American psychologist Erich Fromm wrote in \”The Love Between Parents and Children\”: \”The mother\’s role is to give the child a sense of security in life, while the father\’s task is to guide the child to face He will encounter all kinds of difficulties in the future.\” In families where the father is absent, children will have many problems in the future. 1. They are more likely to be timid and have low self-esteem. There is a question posted on Zhihu: What are the personality characteristics of children who lack father\’s love? An anonymous netizen replied: \”I wonder if you have the feeling that there is no one behind you.\” This netizen\’s father is very busy at work and often travels on business. It is his mother who has taken care of and raised her since she was a child. Her father never picked her up from school or attended parent-teacher conferences. When her classmates discussed her father, she didn\’t know what to say every time. Therefore, she is timid and has low self-esteem. She was bullied at school and did not dare to resist. She also did not dare to show off when she wanted to make friends with others. Once she wanted to give candy to a classmate, but she didn\’t dare, so she had to secretly put it on someone else\’s desk. She thought things would change when she grew up, but it wasn\’t until she didn\’t dare to express her opinions at work or take on big projects given by her boss that she discovered that her inferiority complex had penetrated deep into her bones. It is said that a father\’s love is as strong as a mountain. In fact, a father is not only the backbone of a family, but also a protective shield for a child\’s self-confidence. like a psychologistIt is said that the tall image of the father will make the children psychologically regard their father as their supporter. If a father is not at home for a long time and does not participate in the education of his children, the children will lack a sense of dependence and security. I am reminded of a passage by writer Liang Fengyi: When you are afraid, a father\’s love is a stepping stone; when it is dark, a father\’s love is a lamp that illuminates; when it is dry, a father\’s love is a gulf of water of life; when you work hard, a father\’s love is the spirit The pillar of success; when success occurs, father\’s love is also an encouragement and a wake-up call. Both boys and girls long for father\’s love. Father\’s love is the source of strength in a child\’s heart. 2. It is easier to ignore the rules and behave out of control. Yu Minhong once said that when his wife educates her children, she is not very principled. For example, when he is at home, he will strictly supervise his two children to brush their teeth before going to bed. However, when he is not at home, his wife feels more sorry for the children and thinks that the children are sleepy. It is okay if they don\’t brush their teeth once. There was also a period of time when his son loved ice cream and could only eat one ice cream a day according to family rules. However, every time he was not at home, his wife would always be able to resist her son and secretly feed him one or two more. As a result, the two children have a weak sense of rules and poor behavioral habits. Fortunately, Yu Minhong later spent more time to help his children establish a sense of rules. In the end, with Yu Minhong\’s persistence, both children developed good behavioral habits. Freud, a psychologist and founder of the school of psychoanalysis, once said: \”The father in the eyes of a child is a superman who combines law, binding force, majesty, and power. He is a symbol of social order and discipline.\” Indeed. , in life, children will be more \”fearful\” of their father. Because mothers tend to be soft-hearted when educating their children, while fathers are more principled. If the father is absent for a long time, the child will easily ignore the rules and behave out of control under the connivance of the mother. Statistics from experts on marriage issues in the United States also show that children who lacked their father\’s love when they were young have a high school dropout rate and adult crime rate that is twice as high as those who fully enjoy their father\’s love. 3. They are more likely to have poor independence and resistance to frustration. A friend who is a teacher in a kindergarten once said that he found that children in kindergarten have a very interesting pattern: children who have just entered kindergarten are not very efficient in eating, sleeping and going to the toilet. , often brought out by the elderly; if the child is independent in all aspects, it is usually the child whose mother takes care of him a lot; if the child is independent in all aspects, and can help the teacher organize toys and picture books, and play games with everyone, There is a high probability that they are children from families where the father is more involved in raising children. When accompanying their children, fathers are often more careless and \”cruel\” than mothers. Compared to mothers who are meticulous and considerate, fathers tend to let their children solve problems on their own. Children who lack the company of their fathers are relatively less independent and resistant to frustration. I once read the book \”Daddy\’s School\” written by Kwon Oh-jin, a Korean \”father education expert\”. In the book, Quan Wuzhen recorded in detail the story of how she took her children on weekend adventures in the wild, and repeatedly called on fathers to participate in their children\’s education. Because in daily life, mothers are used to saying \”no\”, which results in the children missing many opportunities to exercise and becoming less independent and independent.Tenacity, lack of courage and adventurous spirit. Quan Wuzhen\’s worries are not unreasonable. Research conducted by Cambridge University psychology master Michael E. Lamb thirty years ago found that in families where the father is absent, children have weaker cognitive, motor, and problem-solving abilities. If you want your children to be more independent and strong in the future, your father’s company and education are indispensable. 4. Easier to be emotionally frustrated. A Golden Horse Award-winning actress born in the 1990s revealed in a self-recommendation letter to a screenwriter that she had a crush on her uncle and her mother’s boyfriend. In order to please her boyfriend, she stole family money to buy gifts. Many netizens can\’t believe why such a beautiful and talented girl has such low self-esteem in relationships. Later I learned that all this was related to the actress\’ lack of father\’s love since she was a child. Her parents divorced when she was very young, and she never even met her father. Psychologists once said that people who lack love since childhood will have two mental states: one is desperately looking for \”real love\” and falls into anxiety, and spends his life looking for someone who truly loves him; the other is accepting \”nothing\” People love themselves\” and fall into depression, thinking that they do not deserve happiness. Some girls who lack father\’s love spend their whole lives courting love, but cannot get it. When talking about relationships, they either tend to look for older members of the opposite sex, leading to being cheated. Or they are constantly trying to please others in relationships, fearing being abandoned, and suffering mental torture. Only high-quality fatherly love can raise excellent children. Some people say that it is helpless to be unable to accompany your children after you pick up your job, and to be unable to support your children after you put down your job. In fact, a father\’s time with his children does not necessarily need to be long, but it must be of high quality. If you want to spend quality time with your children, dads can focus on the following three things. Playing sports and playing with children. Psychologist Robert S. Feldman pointed out in the book \”Child Developmental Psychology\”: \”The essence of fathers and mothers playing with their children is different. Fathers are more physical with their children. Sexual, chasing and rough-and-tumble activities. Mothers play more traditional games like hide-and-seek and games with more language elements.\” Children whose fathers play with them will get more physical exercise. The brain will develop more and develop qualities such as confidence, courage, and perseverance. Therefore, if a father does not have much time to spend with his children, he should use the limited time to spend more time doing sports and playing with his children. Set rules for children. Children are more \”fearful\” of the majesty of their father than their mother. 3-6 years old is a period when children gradually develop their sense of rules. Dads must set good rules for their children and help them develop good habits and conduct. Dad can discuss some behavioral rules with mother, which will be implemented by mother, and father will take time to supervise and inspect. Spend important moments with your children. Yu Min, the scientist and father of the hydrogen bomb played by Lei Jiayin in the TV series \”Meritors\”, is often away from home because he is busy with research and development work. As a result, when his son sees him, he says: \”Uncle, who are you?\” One time Lei Jiayin came home and found that his son was unhappy, and he realized that because he was not at home all year round, his son was often bullied by his classmates at school. So Lei Jiayin went to school and asked the classmates who bullied his son to apologize. At that moment, his son finally smiled. Psychologist Gerdi said: \”The presence of a father is a unique existence and has a special power in cultivating children.\”It is difficult for a father who is away from home all year round to cultivate brave and confident children. No matter how busy he is, the father must appear in time at important moments. When a child is bullied, support him in time to make the child feel safe; when a child When celebrating birthdays, or encountering some festivals that children attach great importance to, such as Children\’s Day, Christmas, etc., you should prepare gifts for your children in time, accompany them, and make them feel loved. There is a dialogue in the movie \”Like Father, Like Son\” that says: It was very impressive: the poor dad said: It takes time to take care of the children. But the rich dad said: There is still work waiting for me that only I can do. Finally, the poor dad said a thought-provoking sentence: No one can replace the father. Work. Yes, the father\’s work is equally important. In family education, parents are the two lights on the road to children\’s growth: the mother is the one who shines at home, guarding the warmth of the child\’s heart; the father is the one on the road. , to illuminate the direction for children to move forward. If you want your children to be more independent, confident, brave, and perseverant, a father is really important. Career is a long-term matter, and the child\’s growth is in that moment. What is more important, I believe every father already has the answer in his heart.