The skill and method of parent-child communication is empathy, not reasoning

Family is the first school of life. \”People\’s Daily\” once issued an article stating: Educating children well is the most important career in your life. Parents, as their children\’s first teachers, can\’t help but preach to their children. But parents and elders always only want to talk about their own truths, and ignore the feelings of their children: Do your children really understand and listen to your principles? The road of raising children is also the road of self-improvement for parents. What I recommend to you today is \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\” recommended by a famous scholar of the generation. This book is known as \”the ancestor of ancient and modern family instructions\”. It summarizes the incisive experience of a good father in educating his children. There are many advanced ones in it. The educational philosophy is still applicable today. Based on the content of \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\”, ten years later, the best children will generally come from these three types of families. The best way to communicate is empathy. \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\” says: \”If parents are majestic and kind, their children will be cautious and filial.\” This means that parents are majestic in front of their children and can care for them, but If they dote on them as much as they scold them, their children will be respectful, prudent and filial to their parents. In life, we often encounter such a scene: there are guests at home, and the child is too shy to say hello, and the parents urge: \”Say hello to uncle and aunt quickly, good children must be polite.\” The child is making noises at night and refuses to sleep, and the parents It was half a threat and half an admonishment: \”Go to bed early and get up early for good health. Children who sleep late will not grow taller.\” At the dinner table, the child stopped eating after a few bites. The parent pulled the child and said, \”Who knew that the food on the plate would be small?\” It’s all hard work, don’t waste food.” Can the truth that parents blurt out really have the expected effect? Educator Rousseau mentioned in \”Emile\” that the three most useless education methods in the world are: reasoning, losing temper, and deliberately moving. How many parents have done these three \”shouldn\’ts\” unintentionally. From an adult perspective, these are common sense. But in the eyes of children, they don\’t care about the deep meaning behind their parents\’ actions, because their cognitive level is still very different from adults. So the child will only remember \”Mom won\’t let me eat my favorite ice cream\”, \”I obviously don\’t know those uncles and aunts, but my dad insists on me saying hello\”, \”I\’m not hungry at all, but my parents force me to eat.\” For children, the best way to communicate is empathy. When adults think about problems from a child\’s perspective, some problems will naturally be solved. There is a story: a 14-year-old daughter wanted to wear short shorts to school, which broke the heart of her beloved father. It was obviously useless to try to stop her with rational reasoning. The father had an idea and put on short shorts of the same style, and even went to show off his figure in front of his daughter. While his daughter was laughing crazily, the father expressed his suggestion and emphasized that if his daughter did not change her mind, he would simply pick her up from school wearing short shorts. The daughter smiled and accepted her father\’s suggestion, and a communication crisis was resolved with laughter. This father did not use endless explanations, nor did he blindly accuse or interfere forcefully. The most effective complete set of video courses on parent-child communication and coordination skills. This kind of \”heart-centered\” parent-child communication not only allows parents to realize their original intentions, but alsoMaking children feel respected is a real \”win-win\”. It is the nature of parents to love their children. This love must not only have reason and rules, but also protection and warmth. As a parent, it is understandable that you are worried that your children will make mistakes, but the way you present them is more important. Putting words into the hearts of children is the result that parents most want to see. Parents\’ example is the best tutor. \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\”: \”The husband\’s moral education is from the top to the bottom, and it is from the first to the latter.\” This means that the education and influence is from What is promoted from top to bottom is to exert influence from first to last. Good family education is a subtle influence from adults to children. Educate others first and educate yourself first. Only when parents do a good job can they set a good example for their children. Su Xun, since ancient times, has been a model for Chinese people to educate their children to study with motivation. Among the Eight Great Masters of the Tang and Song Dynasties, Su Xun and his sons Su Shi and Su Zhe occupied three seats, ranking first in ancient and modern times and becoming a legend for thousands of years. As an adult, Su Xun has strong enough willpower to be strict with himself, but for children at a playful age, it is not easy to get them to persist in learning. But Su Xun has his \”plan\”. Whenever the children were playing, he would deliberately hide in a corner, take out a book and read it with gusto. Every child has a strong curiosity and thirst for knowledge. When they came forward to explore their father\’s \”secret\”, Su Xun quickly closed the book and pretended to be nonchalant. Over time, the two children developed a strong interest in books. Even if their father was not around, they would eagerly read their father\’s collection of books. And in order to prevent himself from being \”pushed by the waves from behind and knocked down on the beach\” by his two sons with superior intelligence, Su Xun worked harder and studied harder. Later, he accompanied his two sons to take the Jinshi examination. As a result, both father and son became great literary giants of all ages. \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\”: \”When a person is young, his expression is undecided, the money he gives is tainted, his words and smiles are right, he has no interest in learning, and it is subtle and dark, which is like nature, not to mention the ability to perform arts and crafts, which is more obvious and easy. A practitioner?\” It means that when a person is a teenager, his thoughts and sentiments have not yet been finalized, and he is easily influenced by the friends close to him. Children\’s speech and behavior, even if they do not intend to learn from their parents and elders, will naturally become similar, not to mention behavioral skills and other aspects that are obviously easy to learn? Real family education is not a matter of whispering and shouting \”Why don\’t you study hard\”, but a process of spring breeze turning into rain. Parents can educate the best children by being the best version of themselves. The best tutoring is the example of parents. If you take a long-term view, your children will go further. \”Yan\’s Family Instructions\”: \”When you are young, your spirit is unique. When you grow up, your thoughts are scattered. It is necessary to teach them early and don\’t miss the opportunity.\” It means: Children are pure in heart and innocent. When you are infected, your mind is easy to focus; when you grow up, your thoughts are wandering and your thoughts are easily scattered. Therefore, education should be started as early as possible and don’t miss the great opportunity. An official shared his parenting experience with Yan Zhitui: The official said: \”My son is seventeen years old this year and is proficient in writing official documents. I also taught him the Xianbei language and how to play the pipa. These are things that high-ranking officials and ministers like. He has some control over thisWhen the time comes, I can send him to work with the ministers. He should be very valued in the future. You should be the same, this is very important. After Yan Zhitui returned home, he said to his children: \”If this career leads to the position of minister, I don\’t want you to do it.\” \” – If I teach you these things and you can become a high official, I don\’t want you to do that. Yan Zhitui believes that children educated in this way will never become great people. Even if they succeed in small ways in the future, they will eventually suffer from shortcomings in virtue. And it will corrupt the family tradition and harm the society. Hu Xueyan, the richest man in the Qing Dynasty, also said: \”When you look at a child, you should look at his moral character, not his talent. \”Parents should pay more attention to the cultivation of their children\’s personality, rather than just teaching their children how to make a living and make money: starting from family education, help children develop abilities, establish moral character, and broaden their horizons, so that children can learn to stick to their true intentions amidst the chaos and learn to live in harmony in life. Achieve achievements and happiness. Educate children to take a long-term view, not to be fooled by immediate interests, and to have the courage to step out of the utilitarian cycle and see the outside world – there are stars and seas: the sea is wide enough for fish to jump, and the sky is high enough for birds to fly fly.