The skills to raise a child well require giving up three times

Two days ago, I took my daughter to watch this year\’s Oscar-winning animated feature film \”Full House.\” It\’s obviously a comedy, but I almost cried while watching it. The protagonist\’s name is Mirabei. She was born in a family where everyone has magic: her mother can heal people with food, her aunt\’s mood can affect the weather, her sister is extremely powerful, her cousin has an ear for the wind, her cousin can transform, and her cousin can interact with animals. Conversations, even tables, chairs and benches can move by themselves… Everything has magic, except for her, who is as ordinary as a grain of sand. It\’s like your parents are studying in the 985 program for master\’s and doctoral degrees, and all your brothers and sisters are top students, but you are the only one who didn\’t even pass the exam, and you are shown to be useless. Although Mirabey never gives up his efforts and longs to be seen, he is often not recognized. How to educate children to develop good qualities? Watch these 6 Oscar-winning animated short films. The excellent family members around her may seem glamorous, but they have incomprehensible anxiety and pain in their hearts… As a result, cracks began to appear in the magic house, and the children began to seek The true self, various conflicts and disputes are constantly unfolding: \”If I am no longer perfect, am I still worthy of being loved?\” \”Why am I still not good enough despite working so hard?\” \”Am I terrible and worthless at all? ?”…Every question directly pokes people’s hearts. They have the shadow of most of us, and many netizens expressed their empathy after reading it. This cartoon is not long, but it is particularly profound. Especially from the perspective of a mother, I found that in order to truly raise a child, parents must make these three sacrifices. Give up a single evaluation standard and discover more possibilities for children. Because she doesn\’t know magic, Mirabey has been disliked by everyone since she was a child. She tries hard to express herself, but it is often thankless and the more she helps, the more chaotic she becomes. Especially in the eyes of grandma, Mirabey without magic is a burden. She refused to let Mirabey interfere in family affairs: \”The biggest help you can do is to stand aside.\” Straightforward and heart-wrenching. But is Mirabei really that bad? Not really. She is optimistic and cheerful. Whether she is disliked by her grandmother, ostracized by her eldest sister, or ridiculed by others, she can face it with a smile, quietly do her best, and use actions to prove her worth. She was very kind. She had just been scolded by her grandmother. When she saw her cousin hiding under the bed because he was afraid that the magic ritual would fail, she did not hesitate to expose her scars to comfort him. She is very brave. In order to solve the magic crisis, she ran to the tower alone to look for clues, even if she jumped into the abyss, she was not afraid. When the magic house collapsed, she climbed to the second floor to save the magic candle regardless of her life. The reason why these qualities of Mirabey are not seen is because the family limits the definition of excellence to the option of \”can do magic\”. Just like many parents, achievement is the only criterion for measuring their children. If you have good grades, you will be promising; if you have bad grades, you will be a loser. But we have forgotten that the reason why the world is beautiful is that it does not give up every color; similarly, if you think your child is bad, it is just because you did not put him in the right place. Just like Professor Li Meijin\’s daughter, she obviously studied very hard, but her grades were not good. My daughter only scored 15 points out of 150 in mathematics. The head teacher even said bluntly: \”She won\’t be able to get into college.\”of. Li Meijin responded: \”As far as I know, Churchill and Diana failed in mathematics, but it does not affect their becoming celebrities.\” In order not to undermine her daughter\’s self-confidence, she first comforted her daughter: \”It doesn\’t matter. Mathematics is not good. We can learn other things.\” \”Then based on her daughter\’s interests and talents, she encouraged her to embark on the path of art. Sure enough, when her daughter no longer obsessed with mathematics, she got better and better, and even became the only child in high school to pass the key exam. Now, My daughter is already an excellent college music teacher. As the saying goes, God will leave a window for every child. Poor study should not be the reason for a child to be criticized, ridiculed, or given up. Let go. Be anxious, squat down, and get to know your children well. You will find that every seemingly ordinary child has his or her own shining points. Give up the pursuit of perfection and allow children to be their true selves. Some people have said that children of this generation live the best life. Tired. Before kindergarten, they had all kinds of early education enlightenment. After kindergarten, they rushed to various interest classes. From childhood to adulthood, they were at home, extracurricular classes, and school. They should not only be good at singing and dancing, poetry and painting, but also be among the best in studies. . She is still just a child, but she has lost herself early. Just like the eldest sister Isabella in the film, she has been made to look perfect since she was a child: elegant, beautiful, gentle and pleasant, and also has the ability to make flowers bloom, so refined. Her hair is perfect. But once a person is used to perfection, it is difficult to accept a little flaw. In fact, she has long been tired of beauty and flowers, but she has to pretend to enjoy them. She likes prickly cacti and wants to be a punk style She is a girl, but she can\’t show it. At the same time, in order to meet the expectations of her elders, she obviously doesn\’t like the marriage arranged by her grandmother, so she can only accept it happily. There is also the second sister Louisa, she is so powerful that the villagers in the town can\’t live without her. Ask her for help. But the more she achieves, the more she fears that she will not be able to bear the burden, that she will lose her magical power one day and let everyone down. Under her strong appearance, she is walking on a tightrope inside, facing collapse at any time. Perfect For them, it is not happiness and honor, but heavy burdens and shackles. Do you remember that outstanding boy Zhang Yide? On the surface, he is perfect: excellent grades, filial and sensible, enthusiastic about charity, and loves sports , strong hands-on ability, wide range of interests and hobbies…almost meets the imagination of all Chinese parents about \”other people\’s children\”. Since he was a child, he has lived in the spotlight and lived in everyone\’s expectations of perfection. He must be top-notch in his studies and perfect in his work. A person must be perfect, and all fragility and anxiety can only be hidden in the heart. Therefore, when he took the TOEFL four times before scoring 118, he called the first three times \”catastrophic failures\” and has been unable to let go. When he was in When encountering something that blocks your heart abroad, even if you continue to comfort yourself, you still don\’t let yourself go and embark on the road of suicide. Bai Yansong once said: \”The best way to destroy a person is to let him pursue perfection and perfection.\” Reach the extreme. \”Our children are not our works after all. They should have their own lives. Let go of your obsession and let your children go. Maybe they may be naughty, restless, crying and fussy, or they may be biased.Science, carelessness, likes to be in a daze, and may even lie, be lazy, and make mistakes. But what\’s the harm? Imperfection is the truest appearance of a child. A real child does not have to suppress himself, nor is he limited by the eyes of the outside world, and can truly live his life. Give up prejudice and accept the differences of children. There is a saying that goes well: The biggest mistake of parents is not to accept their children\’s own characteristics, and to put worldly standards, other people\’s perspectives, everything above their children\’s feelings. A child who cannot be accepted by his parents often has a difficult life. Just like Mirabei\’s uncle in the movie, he is considered a crow\’s mouth because he can often predict bad things that are about to happen. Everyone in the town avoids this magical ability, as if just mentioning his name will bring misfortune to him. Instead of coming out in time to protect her children, the grandmother joined everyone in rejecting the uncle, hoping that he would stop prophesying again. The frustrated uncle had no choice but to run away from home and hide in a small dark room all day long. In fact, every child comes with his or her own script. He may be withdrawn and introverted, left-handed, or have unusual preferences. They can\’t be like other kids, they are in pain too. Jimmy said: \”When I become different from your expectations, please love me for who I am, love me for who I am, and praise me for who I am.\” Thinking of Yin Ran in the documentary \”Little Boy\”, he couldn\’t help but Like most boys, they like cartoons and playing basketball. But he has a \”quirk\”: he likes to raise bugs, and there are more than 200 kinds at one time, including mantises, moths, chrysalis… He will go home to catch bugs when he has nothing to do, and when he is interested, he will lie on the ground and observe the bugs regardless. Ordinary parents would have collapsed a long time ago. Not only did they delay their studies, but they also made the house full of bugs and mud. But unexpectedly, Yin Ran\’s parents not only did not object, but also accompanied him up the mountain to catch bugs and carefully helped take care of the bugs. Even, in order to enter her son\’s world, her mother took the initiative to learn unfamiliar insect knowledge and contacted a teacher who knew insect knowledge to let her son learn and communicate. She not only supports her son mentally but also uses practical actions to show respect for her son\’s hobbies. It is precisely because of his mother\’s love that even though Yin Ran was ridiculed and ostracized by his classmates, he always continued to do what he loved and never felt that he was an outlier. Today, Yin Ran\’s knowledge in the field of insects even exceeds that of many college students majoring in insects. Rogers, the American psychology master, said: \”Love is deep understanding and acceptance.\” Learning to accept children\’s differences and accepting children for who they are is a required lesson for parents. Only when their parents understand them can children release themselves and become a better version of themselves. Only by being unconditionally recognized by parents can children live a happy and strong life without fear of other people\’s eyes. The scene that touched me most in \”Full House\” was my grandma\’s sudden awakening. After the magic house collapsed and family members lost their magic, grandma once again came to the Miracle Valley River – the original place where magic was obtained. At that time, my grandmother had just given birth to three children, and the village was invaded by robbers. In order to fend off the pursuers, my grandfather sacrificed himself and turned into a magic candle to protect his family. thisAn undying love for one\’s children is the source of magic. But as time went by, grandma forgot why the miracle came and her original intention. She always felt that the children around her were not good enough or perfect enough. Just like many parents have forgotten our original intention of having children, we simply want our children to be healthy and happy. But in the process of raising children, I unknowingly have higher and higher expectations for my children, more and more requirements, and the conditions for loving my children are becoming more and more stringent. Eventually, I drifted away from my children. As parents, we need to understand that the ultimate goal of raising our children is to be who they are, not what we want them to be. All we can really do is see and appreciate. The child who comes for us, no matter whether he is excellent or ordinary, deserves our unconditional love, acceptance and recognition.