The son is full of \”internal drive\”, this is the \”secret\” summed up by the mother

Many parents complain that educating their children is tiring, especially when it comes to studying. When they are studying, they are \”working hard\” and they don\’t feel conscious unless they stare at them, as if they are learning from adults. If they want them to study more attentively, it is like dialing an abacus. Dial, he just moved; going to school every day is like completing a task, and he never wants to read after school… The problem of children\’s \”not taking the initiative, being unconscious, and being irresponsible\” in learning has broken the hearts of many parents. Don\’t look at the child who is so lively when playing, but when it comes to business, he immediately enters a state of emptiness, his eyes are dull, and his body is exhausted. \”Mom, I have a headache, I need to go to the toilet, and I want to take a rest. The child really lacks internal drive.\” Are you motivated? Let me ask you two questions: 1. Are you a very motivated person? Do you ever have to deal with work? Do you want to do a good job? Or do you want to show off in front of the leaders? 2. Do children really lack internal drive? Do they have enough strength to \”rebel their parents\”? By playing games and watching TV, they have the strength to overcome difficulties and push themselves. To do this, this kind of power is internal drive. The purpose of asking these two questions is to give everyone an intuitive understanding of internal drive. If a child has high internal drive, he will have a strong desire to complete tasks and achieve success. The goal is to be proactive, persist in the face of difficulties, and not escape. If the internal drive is low, the child will show negative emotions, be passive and bored, deliberately procrastinate, and give up easily when encountering a slight setback. Therefore, you want to make your child change. If you are willing to learn, you need to stimulate and awaken children\’s internal drive. Only with good internal drive can children have the motivation to continue learning. I understand the truth, but what should be done specifically to cultivate enthusiasm for learning and stimulate internal drive. What about drive? In fact, mastering the key elements to improve children\’s internal drive can effectively stimulate children\’s internal motivation and allow children to learn from passive to active. Parents should be wary of excessive \”external drive\” to stimulate internal drive. First reduce \”external driving forces.\” \”In order to urge their children to study, many parents will use various \”external driving forces\”. Common ones include: putting a lot of pressure on their children and forcing them to learn: they often instill in their children \”Your father and I worked so hard, and you did so poorly in the exam. Are you worthy of us?\” \”If you don\’t study hard, you won\’t be able to find a good job in the future\”… Assign a large number of learning tasks to the children, supervise them strictly, keep a close eye on the children, and do not allow the children to be lazy. Rewards and punishments: memorize a poem You can eat snacks; if you get 95 or above in both subjects, you can play with your mobile phone for a while on weekends; if you don’t do your homework well, you won’t go to the amusement park… Using these external motivations may have obvious effects at first, but over time, the children will not When the external force is too strong, the child cannot experience the fun of the learning process and can be pushed forward for a period of time. However, once the external force weakens or disappears, he will be immediately knocked back to his original shape. As the grades increase, parents should try to reduce the use of external motivation and focus on helping children find the joy and sense of accomplishment in learning, which is conducive to stimulating children\’s internal drive. How to awaken children\’s internal drive? 1. Give children.Provide a good experience in doing this thing. When a child has a very good experience in doing something, even if it is a bit boring or even difficult, the child will like to do it. On the contrary, no matter how much you like something, if it always brings bad experiences and the child is always in an atmosphere of oppression, reprimand, and tension, he will gradually lose interest and even feel bored. What I would like to remind all parents here is: the more you want your children to take the initiative to do something, the more you have to control yourself and try to say as little as possible and do more. Say less words of criticism and urging, and do more things of companionship and response. Make it easy and enjoyable, and the children will naturally be willing to do it. 2. Help children build their self-confidence in doing something. The better something we are good at, the more we like to do it. This is because the positive feedback of \”done\” constantly inspires our self-confidence. The more confident we are that we can accomplish something, the greater our drive will be. The most important thing is to break down the difficulty, breaking down every difficult thing into small tasks. Let children continue to accumulate successful experiences of \”I can do it\” and \”I can do it\” from small things, thereby enhancing their self-confidence. Only when facing some difficult things in this way can children have the confidence to dare to try. Of course, this is inseparable from the timely affirmation and encouragement of parents. After my son completes his homework, I will say, \”You worked so hard to prepare for the exam, and my mother saw it.\” Instead of, \”Son, you are great.\” In short, it is a reasonable and sincere appreciation of the child\’s specific behavior and his A real effort to solve the problem. Such targeted incentives from parents can allow children to focus on their own inner efforts and increase their enthusiasm. The positive feedback and sense of accomplishment accumulated by children in the process of doing things bit by bit can also relieve helplessness and anxiety and cultivate a positive growth mentality. 3. Give the child more control when doing this. Lower the goal, starting from the smallest goal, (don’t be impatient), so that the child can achieve it through hard work, which will make him more and more confident, and let the child believe that as long as he passes Hard work will definitely bring good results. Effort is the cause and achievement is the result. Fully mobilize children\’s internal drive and no longer regard learning as a painful thing that they want to avoid, and their grades will naturally rise. I want to say that in fact, every child who is tired of studying has the possibility of counterattack, as long as parents can make effective adjustments and improvements according to their own education methods and the characteristics of their children. The most important thing is to guide children to self-motivate, allowing them to realize that they can change and feel the positive impact and positive feedback brought by their efforts. Write it at the end; Arrange your own affairs in an orderly manner, be self-disciplined, and have high demands on yourself. That is the ultimate perfection of an individual. What is perfection? It is the end point cultivated by years of study and cannot be used as the starting point of learning. When we take the ultimate standard of perfection and demand it from a child who is still at the starting point, contradictions arise. Only when you decide or take the lead on something, will you have a sense of mission to be responsible for it. Children who are used to being ordered will not be able to lead their own wonderful lives.