The stupidest way to make rules! 80% of parents still use it again and again

Last weekend I went to a friend\’s house as a guest. Her child\’s name is Liangliang. At that time, Liangliang was watching cartoons in bed. She watched them for so long that she didn\’t eat even when it was time to eat. My friend yelled: \”Liang Liang, if you watch the cartoon again, you won\’t be able to eat your favorite lollipop today.\” Liang Liang refused to listen and kept staring at the TV until the episode was over. , Liangliang went to ask her mother again, \”Mom, where is my lollipop? I want to eat it.\” The friend suddenly became angry: \”You are not allowed to eat lollipops today. What did I tell you just now?\” That\’s it, Liangliang She cried and yelled that her mother didn\’t love her. I asked my friend if this was not good for Liangliang, and she told me that if a child is not sensible, she must be well disciplined, and she cannot tolerate her bad habits, otherwise she will be even more disobedient to discipline when she grows up. Although many times we set rules for our children for their own good, we use many wrong methods. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! It\’s really a bit stupid to set up rules like this. So, today I will talk to mothers about how to set rules for their children! These three methods of setting rules for children are the most useless. Many parents still use scares, beatings and scoldings, saying \”no\” all the time, and setting bans. 1. Scaring children will only increase their fear and undermine their sense of security without distinguishing between black and white. \”If you don\’t obey me anymore, my mother won\’t like you anymore.\” \”Can you leave? If you don\’t leave, I\’m leaving. I don\’t want you anymore.\” \”If you cry again, let the police take you away.\” \”If you don\’t take your medicine well, let the doctor give you an injection.\” If you don’t sleep, the big tiger will come to eat you”… Are these words familiar? It must be a mantra used by many parents or elders when disciplining their children. Controlling children in this way by scaring them may have immediate results, but the \”side effects\” are also quite scary! It will cause children to \”not distinguish between black and white\” and be afraid of those \”terrible people\” in their parents\’ mouth: police, doctors, teachers, etc., all of whom will be of great help to their children in the future. There are indeed children who are abducted by traffickers and do not dare to seek help from the police. There are even children who are tired of studying before they go to school because of the intimidation of their parents… Such a discipline method can harm the children for their entire lives. point! It will seriously damage the child\’s sense of security and the child\’s trust in their parents. The younger the child, the more afraid he is of being separated from his parents. To scare the child with \”I don\’t want you\” or \”I don\’t like you anymore\” to make the child obedient is the most deadly threat. Children will live in fear all day long, \”Do my parents not love me anymore?\” or \”Do they want me anymore?\” If they cannot fully trust their parents, they cannot establish their own sense of security. 2. Beating and scolding will only make children remember the pain, but they still don’t know what to do. Nowadays, many parents still believe in the rule-making method of \”a stick will produce a filial son\” and feel that \”if you don\’t fight, you won\’t be effective.\” Beating and scolding will only make children succumb to pain and blindly follow what their parents say. As for why they do it, why they do it, and what to do when they encounter similar situations in the future, they still don\’t know, and they will do it again next time. Spanking and scolding can also destroy the secure attachment between children and parents, making children no longer trust their parents. A pair of parents,How can a child who does not feel safe at home grow up to feel safe about society and the world and trust others? 3. If you say \”no\” more than 3 times a day, all prohibitions will become invalid. \”You can\’t play while eating\” \”This thing is dirty, you can\’t touch it\” \”There are too many toys at home, you can\’t buy any more\”… \”Can\’t,\” \”No\”, \”No\” may be when parents are disciplining their children. The most common thing said. However, using \”no\” to control children can easily lead to children\’s rebellious emotions, and the more \”no\” is said, the worse the effect will be. The more you say \”no\”, the less assertive the child becomes. Around the age of 1, the child\’s self-awareness begins to develop and he likes to make his own decisions in everything. Many mothers think that their children are still too young and cannot let them make their own decisions on everything, such as \”You can\’t play with dirt, it\’s dirty!\”, \”You can\’t play with water, you\’ll catch a cold!\”, \”You can\’t run on the road, it\’s dangerous!\”… …Growing up, children were given too many restrictions, “this should be done, but not that”. Over time, children\’s self-awareness will slowly \”degrade\”, and some children will become very \”obedient\”. However, what is sacrificed behind obedience is the child\’s autonomy. When they grow up, they will be too obedient and have no independent opinion. The more you say \”no\”, the more children want to try. Some children will become more rebellious. The more parents prevent things, the more energetic they will do. Under the attitude of parents who say \”no\” again and again, children also learn to use \”no\” to express their attitude, or deliberately use things prohibited by their parents to attract attention. Necessary safety rules should be established, but the number of times you say \”no\” should not exceed 3 times a day! You certainly can\’t stop everything. For example, \”touching the switch, jumping out of the window, etc.\” are definitely not allowed. You must say \”no\”! If we always tell our children \”can\’t do this\” or \”can\’t do that\”, \”can\’t\” means \”no\”. The more we say \”no\” more than three times a day, the less likely the child will take it seriously. If we say \”no\” more than three times a day, all prohibitions will become invalid. But if we only say \”no\” at the most critical moment, the child will feel the influence of the mother\’s words even more. Strength, feel the seriousness of the matter, and stop immediately. These 3 methods are the correct ways to set rules for children. They are not only effective, but also easy to operate. 1. Use picture books skillfully to set rules, which is easiest for children after 1 year old to accept. Some necessary You can use picture books to guide children to understand \”why not\” and implement \”what can and cannot be done\”. The cartoon images, childish language, bright colors, interesting storylines, etc. in the picture books are the most popular. Easily accepted by children. Usually, parents can read more relevant picture books with their children, which will subtly help children establish the necessary awareness of rules. 2. The \”protective wall\” is larger, allowing children to learn to bear the consequences . There is one thing that I still remember vividly. When I was a child, I always wanted to touch the electric iron, but my mother always stopped me. But one time I asked my mother: \”Is the electric iron really hot?\” My mother said: \”You can touch it. Give it a try.\” As a result, I really touched it, and my hands were swollen for 3 days! When I told others about it, they all said, \”Is your mother your real mother?\” In fact, now that I think about it, she is a Very high levelmother. The so-called \”protective hitting the wall\” is to let the child have the courage to try when the consequences of the matter are \”controllable\”. For example, for my mother, a 3-day swollen hand was considered to be within the control range. Of course, my mother is more concerned about the consequences. Nothing can make a child remember better than letting the child bear the consequences. Let him judge for himself what is okay and what is not, which is ten thousand times better than telling him directly! Of course, The premise of this method is to ensure the safety of the child. 3. Let the child experience the benefits of the rules, and then he will be more willing to follow them. Only when the child realizes that if he follows a certain rule, he can get some kind of benefit, such as More happiness, greater freedom… Children will follow the rules from the bottom of their hearts and more actively, instead of passively complying under control. Games are the best way to train children\’s self-control, and they can easily make children Understand that only with rules can there be freedom and fun. For example, in a race, you must obey the command before you can start; when playing with building blocks, you must obey and not destroy other people\’s achievements; when playing chess, there are even more rules that need to be followed. , you can’t regret your moves, you can’t play randomly…Only if you abide by the rules of each game, will someone be willing to play together and experience the fun of the game. If you can’t abide by the rules, there will be no fun at all. Therefore, it is recommended that parents accompany you more Children play some simple parent-child games, set some rules in the game, and then play with the children until they laugh. In this way, the children will try to wait and follow some rules in a very pleasant atmosphere, and realize that the rules are Can bring happiness. Use \”sensitive periods\” at different ages to set rules for children, saving half the effort. 1. 0-1 years old A sense of security is the basis for establishing rules and gives children a regular living environment. Before 1 year old, although not It is necessary to set rules for children, but this is the warm-up stage for setting rules. Provide children with a regular and stable routine and a fixed caregiver, such as going to bed at the same time, taking a walk after meals, playing music before going to bed, etc. . To establish a good parent-child relationship with the child, it is best to take care of the child by yourself, and do not let go and leave it completely to the elderly. Under a good parent-child attachment relationship, the child and the parents are attached to each other and trust each other. Parents want to set up a good relationship for their children. Rules will naturally become a matter of course. Adults should take safety precautions to avoid putting children in danger. There is no need to say \”no\” loudly, just pick him up and take him away from the dangerous place. 2 . 1-2 years old uses the sense of order to establish preliminary rules. Children generally show their sensitivity to order after the age of 1. Some children will begin to have almost insecurities about the time order of daily life habits or the space in which objects are placed. Stubborn persistence. For example, slippers must be placed in a certain position when entering the door. Whoever\’s phone rings must answer the call. The whole family must sit in a fixed position when eating. Once there is a change, they will be particularly sensitive and even violent. Start crying. The sense of order is the preliminary form of rule consciousness, and gradually rises to the requirement for rules. At this stage, we need to satisfy the child\’s sense of order and use the sense of order to establish preliminary rules. If the child\’s order requirementIf it is reasonable, then you might as well accept his emotions, try to satisfy his requirements for order, and comply with the need for the development of his sense of order. For principled needs, if the child cannot be satisfied, it is necessary to be flexible and calm the child\’s emotions by embracing empathy, diverting attention, etc. 3. Don’t confront children who are in the independent stage when they are 2-3 years old. After the age of 2, children enter a sensitive period for rules, and parents can consciously help their children establish rules. However, the child also enters the first independent period, also known as the rebellious period. They don\’t like to be arranged, but want to feel and express their abilities more – try to eat and dress by themselves, and even if they can\’t do it well, they don\’t need help from their parents. The more his parents stop something, the more energetic he will do it. Therefore, when enforcing rules, don’t confront your children head-on. Changing your thinking can help your children establish rules. During this period, it is not recommended to set too many punishments for breaking the rules. When a child breaks the rules, just let him bear the natural consequences of his behavior. For example, if your child hits another child, you need to tell him for the first time that he cannot hit. The way to get along well with the child is to shake hands or pat the shoulder instead of hitting. If your child hits someone again, you should firmly say \”no\” to the child again and explain the result: the child who was hit will be in pain, cry, and may hit you back, which will also hurt you. You can also simulate hitting your child to let them know that being hit hurts. Of course, if a child hits someone and the other person hits him back, there is no need to protect the child. Ask the child clearly about the situation and explain the natural result to the child in a timely manner: after hitting someone, you are still the one who suffers. 4. 3-6 years old unite the \”front\” and set rules and boundaries gently but firmly. After the age of 3, children begin to move from home to school, are exposed to more rules, and begin the initial socialization process. At the same time, the child\’s sense of security has basically been established, and he has slowly learned to control his emotions and bad behaviors. Parents may think that children of this age are too naughty and always do bad things deliberately under the eyes of their parents. In fact, more often than not, they just want to see where the boundaries of the rules are. Therefore, parents need to be both gentle and firm in setting the boundaries of rules. It is best to clearly state the rules that children need to abide by in advance, such as \”This time when you go to the supermarket, you can only choose one thing you like to buy.\” You should also clearly state the consequences of not complying, such as \”If you can\’t abide by the agreement, we will have to do it in advance.\” I’m going home, and I won’t be able to buy anything next time I go out.” Explain clearly the rules and the consequences of violating them, and then we can implement them gently but firmly. If you encounter a child crying or not complying with the agreement, follow the previous agreement, and no other family members should compromise or violate the rules first. After doing this a few times, the child will remember the rules.