The terrible power of suggestion, some words should never be said to children (with four positive communication strategies)

Yesterday, I suddenly received a call from my cousin. My cousin said angrily on the phone: \”Zhouzhou is missing! What should I do? I looked everywhere and couldn\’t find him.\” I asked my cousin what was going on. My cousin said hesitantly: \”It wasn\’t because of him secretly playing with his mobile phone that I scolded him when I saw it. This brat actually left a letter and ran away from home!\” The letter read: \”Mom and Dad, I\’m gone, please don\’t look for me. I know I\’m a waste, a loser, and a burden. I\’ve made you angry for more than a day or two. If I leave, everyone will be happy. Please don\’t look for me. , I will come back when I get better…\” These words are heartbreaking to see. A child under 10 years old should be confident, bright and energetic, but now he admits that he is a \”waste\”, \”a loser\” and a \”burden\”. I remember that the famous psychologist Marshall Luxemburg once said: \”Perhaps we do not think that the way we talk is violent, but language does often cause pain to ourselves and others.\” Language can be a good medicine that blindly soothes the heart, or it can It is a sharp knife that can hurt people invisible. In family education, the impact of language on children is endless. Therefore, when educating children, parents may wish to say the following four sentences more, and the children will be more receptive and become better. \”You have the most ideas!\” – Cultivating children\’s independent problem-solving thinking. Many times, parents hope that their children will become independent as soon as possible and be able to solve problems on their own. But when we do encounter a problem, we often do things that are contrary to our expectations. For example, if a child throws a toy under the sofa, we may criticize him: \”I told you not to throw it under there. You always find things for me to do. Do you think I am not tired enough?\” Or the child has a conflict with other children and cries. Dezheng was sad, but we said: \”What\’s there to cry about? It\’s such a big deal.\”… Parents, have you ever thought about the consequences of saying this? Those scoldings and complaints will make children fearful of setbacks and difficulties. Repeated substitution and deflection of conflicts will make children lose the courage and wisdom to face conflicts head-on. Many times, accepting a child\’s failure and sadness is more important than pursuing the child\’s success and happiness. Faced with the above two situations, first accepting the child\’s emotions and then encouraging the child to actively think of ways to solve the problem can better train the child\’s ability to think independently. For example, \”I see you are a little angry/sad/sad!\” \”Baby has the most solutions!\” \”I believe you, your mind is full of solutions!\” Counting ten pieces is not as good as one long piece. Children before the age of 6 are in an important stage of self-construction. Children at this stage rely on the evaluation of themselves by the outside world to understand and evaluate themselves. If we want our children to be able to think problem-solving and creatively, we must use opportunities in daily life to encourage and guide them in a directional way to help them build their self-confidence. “Okay, I’ll listen to you!” – Protecting the child’s confidence in expressing confidently. Children have been unable to speak since they were very young. They don’t like to drink porridge, they don’t want to share, they don’t want to sleep… How would you deal with these situations? What about the dissenting voices? I think the child is troublesome, so I suppress him forcefully.Never condone, or are you happy for the awakening of children\’s independent consciousness and hope to get more into their hearts? When we regard our children as another independent individual full of their own feelings and thoughts, we will allow them to have different views and feelings from us, give them the right to say \”no\”, and listen to their true inner thoughts. When this kind of family atmosphere of being respected and cherished becomes stronger and stronger, children will become more active and brave in expressing their opinions, and even participate in decision-making on family affairs. Some parents will say, but sometimes the ideas proposed by their children are unreasonable. What should they do? It is true that children\’s experience and experiences determine that their judgments of things are sometimes unscientific, but even if their ideas are wrong, it takes great courage to be able to put forward opinions that are inconsistent with their parents. In this case, don\’t rush to correct the child. Instead, praise the child for his brave behavior. In addition, speaking openly about your plans and the reasons for such plans can also help children broaden their horizons and increase their knowledge. No matter what kind of idea, as long as it is within a safe range, children can be allowed to try it. After all, trial and error is also a kind of growth. Try to use this type of affirmative answer – \”Okay, I will listen to you\” and \”I will do as you say\” to give your child a reassurance of self-identity. It makes children realize: \”Everyone respects my ideas, my thinking is valuable, and the methods I say can be adopted.\” \”How did you do it?\” – Careful parents who improve their children\’s sense of self-worth You will find that children will also bring us all kinds of surprises, whether they take the initiative to wash the mop or find a way to take out the toy racing car from the gap. They not only like to gain self-recognition by helping others, but also prefer to challenge and succeed. The sense of accomplishment afterwards. Whenever he encounters this kind of \”wow moment\”, the child himself will show a proud look. At this time, he hopes that what he does can be seen even more. If parents give positive comments to his positive behavior and show weakness appropriately – \”Baby, you are so awesome, how did you do that\”, it is equivalent to helping him to imprint \”I am really good, everything I do is It’s valuable, mom and dad should learn from me” label. I have tested that every time after asking a child like this, he will be very proud and start to talk endlessly about the process of completing his masterpiece. At that moment, the pride shining in his eyes made me, as a mother, really proud of him. Not only that, asking the child like this can also guide him to describe the process of his behavior, and it is also a kind of training for him to master the concept of time sequence and improve his language expression ability. \”You are so good at playing!\” – Protecting children\’s creativity in play Children are born to play, even before they are born, when they are still in the mother\’s belly. The great child psychoanalyst Winnicott said: \”Games are always an experience, a creative experience. And games, as a foundation, will build a person\’s lifelong experience.\” We often see children in games immersed in their own world. This state is quite similar to an adult who loves his career and forgets to work. Both require a high degree of concentration.Attention and sustained passion. The difference is that we adults use work to change our lives, while children change and improve themselves through play. What we parents have to do is, on the one hand, to protect children\’s right to play, so that children can learn happily while playing and grow up healthily while playing; on the other hand, encourage and praise children\’s various creativity in having fun. Commonly used sentence patterns are: \”You are so good at playing!\” \”So creative!\” etc. The famous American child educator Adele Farber once said: \”Never underestimate the impact of your words on a child\’s life.\” Parents\’ words can destroy a child, but they can also make a child successful. Only by saying more words of positive encouragement and less negative criticism and blame can children gain confidence. 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