The underlying logic of making a child better and better

Jane, the author of \”Positive Discipline\”, shared a short story between herself and her child: She found that her child always gave up on doing things half-way recently, and lost the Rubik\’s Cube after playing with it for a few minutes. The same goes for reading books. After reading a few pages, they are thrown aside. She felt a little strange and asked the child what was going on. The child said bluntly: \”I learned it from you!\” When she heard this, she couldn\’t help but be stunned. Only then did she recall that when she was writing manuscripts recently, she would impatiently crumple the manuscript into a ball, throw it into the trash can, and then turn around to do other things. She never expected that the bad habits she had developed invisibly would affect her children. There is a common saying in the education field: Parents are the originals, and children are the copies. If you feel that your child has many problems, even if you criticize and give good advice, the child\’s performance is still unsatisfactory. Well, I suggest you take a good look at yourself. Because the most taboo thing in education is that parents don’t change themselves and only want to change their children. The problems in children are all reflections of their parents’ problems. There is a mother next door who is a full-time housewife. She loves to play mahjong, and often plays from day to night. Every day, the house is noisy and filled with smoke. Her child has just entered junior high school. I heard that he often hangs out in Internet cafes at night, does not do his homework on time, is confused in class, and his grades are a mess. Occasionally, when the teacher calls to report the situation, she will yell at the children to do their homework. Once, I met her when I went out and chatted for a few words. She said to me with a look of hatred on her face: \”Your child is still sensible. Look at my child, it takes a lot of effort for him to learn!\” But is it really that her child is inherently inferior to others? not really. In fact, every problem that occurs in children can be traced to the parents. If you find that educating your child is difficult and tiring, and your child does not turn out the way you expected, then don’t focus on your child. Start changing yourself, and you may have a different answer. Education expert He Yanjuan shared such a story. She has a classmate\’s child who is about to enter the third year of junior high school, but his mind is not on study at all and he only wants to play games every day. In the early years, my classmates and husband were working hard in their careers and could not take care of their children. Now I want to take care of it, but I find that my son has already given up on me. Unable to bear to let the child continue to deteriorate, the classmate decided to return to the child and spend this critical year with the child. To everyone\’s surprise, in just this year, the child has undergone earth-shaking changes: from an Internet-addicted boy to a top student, he has been admitted to a key local high school. When asked about her educational experience, the classmate said that she did not do anything to her children, and even installed broadband at home so that her children could play games at home without going to an Internet cafe. On the contrary, it was herself, because after working hard in the workplace for many years and becoming a stay-at-home mother, she immediately felt a strong sense of crisis. So, she picked up her college textbooks, studied hard at home every day, and passed the CPA certificate in one go. It was during this process that my son gradually changed his attitude towards learning. From the beginning, he laughed at his mother, but later he turned his attention from games to textbooks, began to study seriously, and strived to make progress together with his mother. Mom is still studying at her age, so why is he so embarrassed not to work hard?. I particularly agree with one sentence: the essence of education is not control, but influence. What really affects a child is never how much truth is said to him, but the parents\’ own state, emotions, and practices. Because children’s thoughts, language, behavior patterns, and cognitive patterns are all copied from their parents. If parents can set a good example, children will be deeply influenced by their parents and become outstanding. This is the underlying logic that makes a child become better and better. Only by changing the future of their children can parents find a way out. I have read this story: There was a father who especially liked drinking on weekdays and would never forget to go to a pub in the town for a drink every day. It was snowing heavily in the evening, but he walked to the tavern as usual. But he suddenly realized that someone seemed to be following him behind him. He turned around suddenly and found that his son was stepping on his footprints in the snow step by step, and shouted very excitedly: \”Dad, look! I am stepping on your footprints and walking forward!\” He was shocked. , and suddenly felt extremely regretful. From that day on, he never went to a tavern, but often went to the town library. You know, every child follows the footsteps of his parents and goes far away. If you want to make your children better from the inside out, the most important thing for parents is never to change their children, but to change themselves and work on themselves. Only when parents change themselves can their children have a future. The following suggestions are shared with all parents: 1. Don’t pay too much attention to your children. Meyer, the mother of Musk, the world\’s richest man, raised three children alone after divorcing her husband. She is very busy on weekdays. Not only does she have to work 5 jobs, but she also does not forget to improve herself. In terms of education, she never takes care of and guides her children in every detail. Her three children are completely free-range. She will only give her children adequate encouragement and support unconditionally when they come up with ideas. As a result, the three children were all very independent and outstanding, and they all became billionaires. Dong Yuhui once mentioned a point: Don’t pay too much attention to your children. Never spend all your energy on the child. If you hold the child too tightly, the child will feel very stressed, which is not conducive to growth. 2. Don’t project your own expectations onto your children. There was a joke circulating on the Internet: There are three kinds of stupid birds in the world. The first one flies first, the second one is too lazy to fly, and the third one is the most hateful. If it doesn’t fly, it just lays an egg in its nest. Let the next generation fly with all their might. In real life, there are countless types of parents: forcing their children to take the first place in exams, even if they score 99.5, they will be scolded; filling their children\’s after-school life with countless extracurricular classes, even on weekends; going bankrupt to buy a house in a school district , and sent their children to prestigious schools…but as a result, the parents were exhausted, the children were overwhelmed, and the parent-child relationship was in jeopardy. Every child is an independent individual and should not live for his parents. If parents impose their will on their children, it will cause a strong psychological burden on the children and eventually crush them. If you want your children to be truly strong and outstanding, you must give them more space and freedom. 3. Pay attention to your own needs and take good care of your emotions. I have always believed that as a parent, you must first learn to love yourself and then have enough energy to educate your children.Children, nourish children. I know a mother who is always refined and elegant, never treats herself too harshly, and is always in high spirits. She would often take a vacation for herself, meet up with a few friends to have afternoon tea, go shopping, and enjoy some pleasant free time. Because she takes good care of her emotions, her home is always full of laughter and her children are positive and sunny. In a family, parents are like a big ship. Only when there is sufficient energy, energy, and emotional stability can the boat be stable and children be able to maintain abundant energy without being influenced by their parents. 4. Whatever you want your children to do, do it yourself first. Anhui champion Dong Jiyang once talked about the reasons for his excellence. Her parents didn\’t put much thought into her studies. They just studied at home often. Occasionally she gets tired of studying and doesn\’t want to read. Her parents notice it and don\’t say anything, just turn off the TV and sit down to read. Seeing her parents reading, she felt embarrassed and stopped reading. Zheng Yuanjie said: \”After being a parent for so many years, my most profound experience is to shut your mouth, lift your legs, walk your life path, and show it to your children.\” If you want your children to stop playing with mobile phones, parents must first learn how to do it. Put down your mobile phone; if you want your children to love reading, pick up a book and read it yourself first; if you want to urge your children to become excellent and self-disciplined, parents must first become self-disciplined. Only in this way can education truly make a difference. 5. Continuously improve your cognitive level. Wang Jinzhan, the \”god of war\” who once sent a class of 37 students to Tsinghua and Peking University, believes that the difference between children is not actually their scores, but their parents\’ plans and understanding of their children\’s future. When his daughter failed the high school entrance examination, his first consideration was to formulate a tailor-made plan for his daughter, who had average intelligence and abilities. He painstakingly studied the admissions policies of major universities and decided to let his daughter take the path of a special student. He also chose a particularly unpopular musical instrument for his daughter: Zhongruan. Under his planning, his daughter successfully obtained extra points and finally entered Peking University smoothly. The cognitive level of parents is the starting point for children\’s growth and the ceiling for their development. Only when parents continue to improve their cognitive level and open up the world can their children open the window to the future world and stand further. 6. Maintain self-growth and manage your own life well. Lei Dongdong, principal of Shanghai Guanghua Cambridge, once said: \”Instead of spending time and energy on your children every day and trying to control every second of their children\’s growth, parents should do their own things well.\” As a mother, , she did not neglect her self-growth just because she had a child. She loves reading and working, and devotes a lot of time and energy to her education. Looking at her mother\’s hard work and progress, her daughter can learn on her own without any supervision or urging. After graduating from the third grade of junior high school, her daughter went to England to study alone, and was finally admitted to Oxford University. In this regard, my daughter sincerely thanks her mother: \”When I was growing up, my mother didn\’t give me much time, but she set an example for me.\” As a saying goes: There is no other education, only role models. Who we are is more important than what we do for our children. When parents walk in front of their children, stand tall and set an example, their children will follow closely., bloom your own brilliance. Education expert Ceci Goff said: \”The reason why we become parents is not to write our children\’s lives, but to purify our hearts and allow us to change ourselves completely.\” The essence of educating children is the self-education of parents . When parents continue to break through themselves and live their own wonderful lives, they will naturally become the bright light on their children\’s life, guiding them to move forward.