The viral \”sleeping in separate rooms\” age has deceived countless children

I received a request for help from my best friend on WeChat early in the morning: A few days ago, we decided to officially divide the rooms after my son’s fifth birthday. It\’s a pity that the child is crying, throwing around and rolling around all the time. It has been for several days in a row. We have tried all kinds of methods and still insists on sleeping with us… I beg for all kinds of tips! My girlfriend said: Many experts say that if a child cannot sleep independently before the age of 5, it may affect the child\’s independence and mental health. The child is already 5 years old, and I must quickly separate rooms for the sake of the child\’s physical and mental health. There are different opinions on the Internet about when is the best time for children to sleep in separate rooms with their parents. Some parenting experts suggest learning from foreign practices and having children sleep in separate rooms with their parents after birth. Some recommend that children sleep in separate rooms before they are 3 years old, while others recommend that children consider sleeping in separate rooms when they are 6 months old…6 months, 2 years old, 3 years old, 4 years old, 5 years old…these are the things that are going viral online. The housing age has caused many mothers to hurriedly and strictly \”comply with it\”. As children grow up, it is inevitable to separate rooms. But if a mother’s mind is filled with these cold numbers, how can she see a real child? How to satisfy children\’s most instinctive needs? When you decided to sleep in a separate room with your child, did you give your child the sense of security they needed? Are you ready for your child to sleep independently? Can your child adjust to being without you for an extended period of time? In fact, there is no one-size-fits-all answer to when children should sleep in separate rooms with their parents. If there is one principle that must be followed when dividing rooms, it would be: respect the natural laws of mother-infant intimacy, respect the child\’s growth rhythm, and let nature take its course. Generally speaking, parents can slowly try to sleep in separate rooms with their children after the child is 3 years old, and complete this process before the child is 5 to 6 years old. We can refer to expert advice, but we cannot blindly follow that cold standard. When your child is not ready to sleep in a separate room with his parents, don\’t force him. Many mothers have shared their experiences online with their children sleeping in separate rooms. A mother posted that she is a mother who is extremely enthusiastic about various foreign parenting concepts. She puts her children to sleep in separate beds as soon as they are born, and starts sleeping in separate rooms when they are 1 year old. She still insists on it even if the children cry. Slowly, the child began to get used to sleeping alone, but he also became silent and did not like to talk. During a trip, this mother originally planned to live with her child, but she heard her child say, \”I don\’t want to sleep with my mother. My mother never likes to be with me.\” At that moment, she regretted it extremely. Another mother posted: Her son is almost 3 years old. Following the advice of experienced mothers, she tried to sleep in a separate room with her child. I originally thought that the child was very independent and would adapt quickly to sleeping in separate rooms, but I didn’t expect that it would be unspeakably difficult… That night, the couple just turned off the lights and lay down. The son in the next room came running and knocked on the door. Mom asked, \”What are you doing?\” What are you going to do? One moment the child said that his little ant crawled into his mother\’s room, and the next he said that his Superman toy was in his mother\’s room… The father angrily shouted out the door: \”Who are you trying to fool with your little thoughts? Go back quickly. Go to sleep, or I\’ll spank you!\” The child went back, and the couple slept peacefully all night. Early the next morning, I opened the door and saw my son curled up at the door of his parents\’ room, sleeping soundly. It turned out thatHe himself dragged a small mat, a small pillow, and a small quilt from the room in the middle of the night… Looking at the sad words, he imagined those children who were rejected by their parents time and time again and fell into endless fear and even despair. How pitiful and heart-wrenching it is! Stop cruelly pushing that unready child out the door! When faced with a child who cries and refuses to sleep in separate beds, some parenting experts even recommend using systematic desensitization and delayed gratification. But as psychologist Li Xue said, behaviorist training methods are indeed effective, but their effect is based on the baby\’s despair of the mother\’s timely response to him. A life comes with great love and trust and leaves the warm womb that is one with itself. If all he experiences in the first few years of his life is the taste of despair, then his life will be lonely and gloomy. Whether it is 3 years old or 5 years old, it seems that every parenting concept has a reasonable explanation, cultivating children\’s independence, developing good sleeping habits, and promoting the relationship between parents… However, as Yi Nengjing said, It\’s something that children will learn sooner or later, so why are you so anxious? Children are not the product of assembly line operations. They all grow at their own pace. Ma Yili once mentioned on Weibo that her daughter Aima, after learning that her classmate slept alone, happily proposed that she sleep in a separate room with her mother, and she quickly got used to it. The child will eventually grow up and be able to cope with new situations one day. What we have to do is to accompany and wait quietly, and be prepared to let the child become independent. However, when their children are really ready to sleep separately from their mothers, many mothers are reluctant to do so. Ma Yili even looks forward to the day when her daughter will be able to say to her affectionately, \”Mom, I want to sleep with you tonight.\” Winnicott, the master of child psychology, mentioned the concept of a \”good enough mother\”. He wrote: \”A good enough mother… is almost completely adaptable to the baby\’s needs at first, but as time goes by, she gradually becomes difficult to adapt. , the baby\’s abilities continue to grow, and she begins to face her own failures.\” A good enough mother can do her best to meet the child\’s all-round needs at the beginning of life, and can also calmly accept that the child gradually grows up and gradually changes from her own Exit from life. When your child is ready to sleep in a separate room with you, dear mother, don’t hesitate to let go decisively! Children with a full heart can already fight against all uneasiness and panic. But while letting go decisively, we can also give our children some encouragement and support appropriately. Accompany the child to create his or her own world. Prepare the children\’s room and design the room together with the child. Little stars, Ultraman, mermaids, Princess Elsa… After confirming the design plan, work with the child to choose the curtains and wallpapers he likes. , desk… Accompany your child to build a small world that truly belongs to him. Take a look at the fairy tale house in the forest that this father and his daughter built together. Wouldn’t the children be more comfortable and happy living in such a room? Sense of safety ritual: Room security In \”The Little Prince\”, the little prince asked the fox: What is the ritual? The fox said: This is also something that is often forgotten, it makes a day differentOn other days, one moment is different from other moments. When the child decides to sleep independently, give the child a grand ceremony and leave a beautiful memory for the child. Create a peaceful sleeping environment for your child. After his nephew sleeps separately from his parents, he still often asks to sleep with his mother at night. He tells his mother that there are monsters in the room, and he also tells his mother that he dreams of a dinosaur trying to eat him at night. It is normal for children to dream of all kinds of strange pictures. You can try to reassure your children by reading picture books with them. The picture book \”The Monster Who Eats the Dark\” tells the story of a little boy named Qiuqiu who is afraid of the dark and always feels that there is a monster hidden under the bed. The author Jimmy drew a little monster that ate darkness under Qiuqiu\’s bed. The little monster was always very hungry, so it kept eating and eating, eating up all the darkness in the world. There is no more night on earth, but Qiuqiu can\’t sleep. Later, the monster heard Qiuqiu\’s cry from the earth and hugged Qiuqiu tightly in his arms. In the arms of the monster, Qiuqiu lay in the endless darkness and fell asleep comfortably. Respect your child\’s growth rhythm, give him lots of love and big hugs before he leaves you, and happily enjoy that wonderful intimate time. After the child decides to leave, let him go decisively and let him fly freely to pursue his own sky.