The way parents and children manage their emotions determines their personality and emotional intelligence

During the Spring Festival, something like this happened, which touched me deeply. A boy in junior high school from a relative\’s family had a conflict with his father. He cried and said, \”I have been working very diligently at home. Why is he always dissatisfied with me and always staring at me and yelling at me…\” Two people present The elders were trying to persuade the child, but the child\’s mother said, \”Why are you crying about this? No matter what, he is your father and has the right to criticize you.\” I quickly interrupted her and told the child: \”You said it very well. Express your feelings, cry if you want, don\’t hold it in your heart.\” With everyone\’s comfort, the child gradually calmed down and decided to communicate more with his father in the future to improve their relationship. In the process of children growing up, especially young children, crying and losing temper are common things that parents are familiar with. However, many parents cannot see their children showing \”negative\” emotions. Just like the mother above, their first reaction is to deny and criticize their children, and even add a lot of nonsense, which is counterproductive. The way parents deal with their children\’s emotions affects their children\’s mental health, personality development and emotional management abilities. Taking children\’s emotions seriously. We often see the topic of \”post-90s parents raising children\” on the Internet. In the video, when the children cry and lose their temper, the young parents watch motionlessly and let the children lie on the ground and roll around. . In the comment area below the topic, many parents agree with this approach: ignore the child when he cries. He will know it is useless and will stop crying after a while. But the fact is that this kind of indifference and \”cold treatment\” will make children feel that my feelings are not important at all. Children\’s enlightenment English story Pip and Posy children\’s book Pip and Posy English version picture book, 8 volumes + 20 episodes of cartoons. Children will have a deep sense of helplessness if they are played too many times. If they continue to be ignored, they may take drastic measures. Express emotions in other ways, such as losing temper, throwing things, hitting people; or putting away your emotions, pretending to be what your parents like, and suppressing your own feelings and needs. There are also some parents who get upset when they see their children crying or losing their temper. They want their children to stop quickly, so they deny and interrupt their children: \”What is there to cry about? Just cry!\” \”You are young and angry. You\’re still so sexual. If you keep doing this, I won\’t take you anywhere!\” Parents always think that their children\’s emotions are insignificant, and feel that their children are unreasonable and unreasonable. Children cannot be understood. Over time, they will lose trust in their parents and become less and less willing to ask for help. Parental Expression. Regarding people\’s feelings and emotions, there is a particularly good saying: \”Feelings/emotions are like guests delivering letters. Every letter comes from our hearts. It has to tell us some information. Every kind of negative \”Feeling\” also has its positive meaning: for example, fear is a kind of self-protection, sadness may remind us to cherish, anger can push us to make changes… Since we are guests, if we treat each other with courtesy, accept it. And read the letter carefully, the guest will leave. But if the door is closed and no reception is received, the messenger will come uninvited again and again, fearing that you will not hear it, and may knock on the door, smash the door, or even bump into the door. Door…\” Although the children are young, their joys, anger, sorrows and joys are…Every emotion has the same weight as adults. It is an important growth experience for them and should be taken seriously. Emotions that are not properly settled will not disappear, but will stagnate in the child\’s heart. One day, they will burst out in a more intense and unexpected way, which is not conducive to the healthy development of the child\’s personality and personality. Only by allowing children to express themselves can parents have the opportunity to discover their children\’s problems, understand their children\’s hearts, and provide timely help. Parents\’ acceptance and guidance of their children\’s emotions will make them feel seen and valued, affirm their own value, and generate courage and positive energy in their hearts. Therefore, it is a good thing when a child expresses his emotions frankly in front of you. It shows that he trusts you enough and is calling for your love and help, which is really valuable. Respond to emotions first, then deal with problems. Susan David, Ph.D. in psychology at Yale University, once pointed out: \”A person\’s emotional intelligence has a very big determinant, that is, emotional sensitivity. The factor that determines the level of emotional sensitivity mainly depends on how he releases emotions when he is a child. When a child shows emotions, parents\’ correct response will help the child calm down as soon as possible, learn how to release emotions, control emotions, and become a person with high emotional intelligence. Later, if you understand the child\’s needs or regulate behavior, the problem will become much simpler. The first step is to accept the child\’s emotions and express understanding. Child education expert Kimberly Brain once said: \”Children lose their temper because they have an innate, natural instinct to persist in realizing all their wishes.\” Children are young, their brains are not fully developed, their emotional control ability is insufficient, and they lack expression skills, so they cannot be as calm and calm as adults. When their needs cannot be met, they will feel anxious and irritable, so they express their dissatisfaction by losing temper and crying to gain adult attention and sympathy. For example, parents won’t buy toys if they want them; they want their mothers to hug them right away, but they never do; they want to go out to play, but parents won’t let them… At these moments, parents need to help their children identify and understand their own emotions. Regardless of whether the child can be satisfied or not, or whether the child\’s behavior is correct or not, parents must first express understanding of the child\’s emotions and let the child understand: It is normal for me to have such emotions, and it does not mean that I am bad. For example: if a child wants a toy but is not bought for him, and the child cries, the parent can say: \”I know, you really want that toy, but if I don\’t buy it for you, you are very angry and sad, right?\” If you can\’t recite the text for a long time and are so angry that you smash the book on the table and want to tear it up, parents can say: \”I understand very well. I can\’t recite it and I feel very anxious and angry with myself, right?\” If so? Without the parent knowing, you can first ask the child what happened and how they feel, be a listener, and give the child a channel for release. This kind of permission and listening not only helps children calm down, but also helps children understand various emotions. This is the basis for children to learn to manage emotions in the future. The second step is to deal with the problem and tell the child the reason. Some parents may think that always following the child\’s emotions will spoil the child. ThatIn fact, there is no conflict between understanding children\’s feelings and teaching them rules. If parents can take the first step well, they will find that their children gradually calm down and can listen to what their parents say. This is the power of acceptance and understanding. Children gain a sense of security and let go of their psychological defenses and aggression. At this time, if parents guide their children, the effect will be better. If you cannot meet your child\’s needs, tell your child honestly why: \”We already have a lot at home, so we can\’t buy toys every time we come here. I don\’t want to buy them for you this time.\” \”If you still want to cry, I\’m here to accompany you.\” I\’m looking after you.\” If you need to regulate your child\’s behavior, tell him exactly what went wrong and what the correct approach is. For example, if other children snatch the child\’s toys, the child will hit them in a hurry. Parents can tell him: \”I know you are angry when someone snatches your toy. But it is wrong to hit others. Others will be hurt, right? Next time you can say to him loudly, \’It is wrong to grab things.\’\” , please give it back to me!\’\” If your child loses his temper, is irritable, and throws things around every time he encounters something, teach him the correct way to express his emotions: hitting pillows, listening to music, scribbling on paper, taking deep breaths… Do no harm to yourself or others. Under the guidance of parents, children will gradually learn to control their emotions, release them through appropriate channels, learn to express themselves in language, and solve practical problems. A foreign video of a conversation between a father and his daughter has been widely circulated on the Internet. It can be said to be an excellent example of emotional education. The reason was that the father used bad words in a joke with his daughter. The daughter thought her father was scolding her, so she became very angry. He looked lovingly and firmly into the child\’s eyes and told her: \”It\’s no big deal to be angry. You can be angry with anyone, just don\’t stay in this angry mood for too long\”; (let the child understand that emotions are reasonable, Learn to accept your own emotions) \”Admit that you are angry, and then slowly let it go. Even if you can\’t do it, we still love you, and your world is still bright.\” (Expressing unconditional acceptance of your children) \”If you want to feel better, You can yell to vent, or use a pillow to vent your anger\”; (Teach children to use appropriate ways to resolve emotions) \”Speak out your thoughts, so that I will know your bottom line and respect you…\” (Encourage children to express themselves through language , express one\’s own thoughts and needs) When children cry, lose temper, and show emotions, it tests the parents\’ own emotional management ability. Be more patient, let go of your superiority and adult thinking, stand from the child\’s perspective, and try to understand his dilemma and feelings, and help him understand, express and manage his emotions. Respond well to your child\’s emotions, and in such love and respect, he will grow up to be confident, sunny, and optimistic, and it will be easier for him to gain a wonderful and happy life. Click \”Like\”, I hope every parent can develop the ability to handle their children\’s \”negative\” emotions.