The way parents treat their children is a foreshadowing of their children’s fate

I was shocked by the news. In order to relieve the study pressure of her senior high school son, a mother offered to sleep with her son. After her son fell asleep, her mother did not leave. She continued to sleep with her son. The next day, she told her son: \”Don\’t be shy. No matter how old you are, you will always be my son.\” Then she slept with her son for a few more days. When his son asked to sleep by himself, the mother was still unwilling: I will sleep in the living room, waiting for you to call at any time. It wasn\’t my mother\’s behavior that shocked me. In many years of consulting work, I have encountered things even more outrageous than this, and I have become accustomed to them. What surprised me was that when this mother contacted a psychological counselor, the counselor openly praised her approach and said that she did a good job and was right. It is said that two phenomena appeared in the psychological tutor\’s live broadcast room that day: some people burst into tears of gratitude, praising the greatness of maternal love, and supporting the mother and the tutor; some people were confused, saying that their three views were ruined, and decisively rejected the tutor. As the old saying goes: When a child is older, he should avoid his mother, and when a daughter is older, she should avoid her father. This is the most basic ethical common sense. People who know something about psychology should know that if parents and children coexist too closely and lack psychological and physical boundaries, it will cause severe incest anxiety. Children, in particular, may live with anger and shame throughout their lives. This heavy psychological pressure may even affect their career and happiness throughout their lives. It is a psychological trauma that cannot be healed with any amount of time or money. . The way parents treat their children is a foreshadowing of their children\’s fate. This is by no means alarmist. I had a female client who slept in separate rooms with her husband after giving birth. She almost never had sex again, and even felt disgusted when it was mentioned. Later, her husband cheated on her, and she came to consult in pain. During the consultation, she admitted that she only got married to have offspring, and since she had completed her plan to have children, there was no need to continue living as a couple. The reason is simple, of course I don\’t believe it. Later in the consultation, she recalled some experiences in her early years: when she was a child, she slept in the same bed with her parents, and her parents often performed intimate behaviors in front of her, regardless of whether she had fallen asleep. Sometimes when her mother is away, her father will hold her to sleep, kiss her on the mouth, touch her body, and rub her butt from behind. At a young age, although she didn\’t understand what her father was doing, she was instinctively afraid. Later, she took the initiative to sleep in a separate bed with her parents. Because of her disgust for her father, she has been disgusted and afraid of all men since she was a child. She never fell in love until she was older, and she married her husband just to have a family. Although she has feelings for her husband, she is actually bored and repelled in her heart. Another male client of mine didn’t meet the girl he really liked until he was in his 30s. After dating for a year, he was going to marry her. Unexpectedly, he encountered strong opposition and accusations from his mother. His mother wanted to die and even treated him. Shout out: There is me in this family without her, there is her in this family without me. His father died when he was very young. He and his mother depended on each other and even slept together. When he was a child, he was very attached to his mother. When he reached adolescence, he offered to sleep in a separate bed, but his mother refused, saying that she was scared at night and had to have him accompany her. It wasn\’t until he went to college elsewhere that he got rid of his mother. When he returned home during the winter and summer vacations, his mother also asked to sleep with him, but he firmly refused. waitHe is working, but his mother still controls his life in all aspects. He cannot socialize normally or fall in love normally. I finally met someone I liked, but unexpectedly my mother broke into hysterics. He was so horrified by his mother\’s behavior that he sought counselling, and even asked his mother to do so. In the consulting room, his mother straightened her back and told me righteously: I raised my son with my own hands. Without me, there would be no him. In this world, we, mother and son, are the closest. Other women want to rob me, do you think I can let them? I asked: Don’t you want him to get married and have a family of his own? Her eyes were sharp: He has a family. Where is mom, where is home. Besides, I’m not looking for a man to marry either. In my heart, I gasped. I know that with such a paranoid mother, it is difficult for a son to get what he wants. Unless this son has the courage to separate from his mother, but from what I know of him, that will be difficult for him. How much influence do childhood experiences have on people? The father of the aforementioned female visitor is almost 70 years old, and she still does not dare to be alone with him, does not want to look at him, and does not dare to have physical contact with him. Once, her father fell to the ground, and she refused to help him, and was criticized by bystanders. In her heart, she still harbored a deep fear and hatred for him. Several years have passed, and the male visitor has not yet married and does not intend to fall in love again. He said that he is ready to die alone. Many families live in symbiotic relationships for a long time. Some children who have entered adolescence still sleep in the same bed with their parents. Some parents’ explanation is: My child can’t live without me, what can I do? Some parents cry out: If a mother loves her children, she must meet their needs. Can a mother watch her child suffer without helping him? In the parent-child relationship, some parents cross the line in the name of love. You must know that children are children because they cannot identify and establish boundaries and proportions in relationships, and cannot take responsibility for any events in the parent-child relationship. Those who can discern and take responsibility are parents as adults. Children\’s behavioral boundaries are determined by their parents\’ boundaries. Parents are the makers of family rules and must know the boundaries in the relationship and understand what is allowed and what is not allowed. Some parents argue that I don’t understand either. You can learn if you don’t understand. Being a parent requires learning. What I fear most is not understanding or learning, and living in pathological narcissism. Qualified parents do not have to meet all the needs of their children. Parents can meet or reject the requirements of their children. In addition, there are many ways to satisfy and help children, not just overstepping or breaking boundaries. There is another important truth in the parent-child relationship: in many cases, it is not that children cannot live without their parents, but that parents cannot live without their children. Parents who have no self, inner emptiness, and lack of emotions will become emotionally parasitic and attached to their children, or transfer their expectations of their significant other to their children. The children will become their parents’ spiritual spouses, which is very scary for the children. matter.