The way you get along with your children is the way you get along with the world.

This topic starts with my \”entanglement\”. A long time ago, I discovered that I am a troubled person. I am most afraid of making choices. I will always waver between two choices. I can\’t afford to take them up and can\’t let them go. It\’s very painful. I still remember that when I was a child, my cousin would always bring me some gadgets, two rain flower stones and two small toys. I would choose first, one for each of us. Okay, I\’m starting to get confused. I chose A, but I also think B is good. I chose B, but I am still thinking about A… No matter what I choose, I am not happy. In the end, my cousin let me go and gave me both A and B, and I stopped worrying and was satisfied. As I grow up, I still struggle. I still remember when I was in college, when I went to the cafeteria to eat, I often struggled with whether to eat steamed buns or rice. If it\’s bigger, I haven\’t slept well all night, thinking about which tile to choose for decoration. I\’m dreaming about which one is more suitable… To be honest, I\’m really annoyed with myself. There are too many inner dramas and it’s very tiring. Later, after studying psychology, I gradually understood that the reason why I struggled was because I didn’t know what I wanted and what I liked. Going deeper, it\’s because I have a very vague understanding of myself and I don\’t know what kind of person I am. At the end of the day, I wasn’t confident—I didn’t believe in myself. Not trusting my own judgment, not knowing my own preferences, not knowing who I am, this is like a personality gene of mine that has permeated into everything related to my choices over the past few decades of my life. So, it’s not that I always encounter entangled things, but that I am a person who loves to be entangled, so I get entangled in many things. I also realized from this that just like everyone’s genes, they exist in every cell, every hair, and every bit of skin. What kind of person you are and what kind of three views you have are also reflected in what you do. Everything you do and every relationship you have—even the world you see—is imprinted with your unique personality and genes. In the past few years, I have had children and have observed many children and their parents. I have found that the way a person gets along with his children can better tell how he gets along with the world. why? Because your children are the closest people to you. When we face our loved ones, we always reveal the truer side of our personality, take off the mask, and be more relaxed and ourselves. This is human nature. That\’s why there is a saying: We give our good temper to outsiders and leave our impatience to our relatives. Because children are weak and dependent on you. In the adult world, whether we are with strangers, parents, lovers, or friends, we will unconsciously abide by certain boundaries and rules, and use rationality to analyze the pros and cons and determine the appropriateness. And when faced with children who are weak and completely dependent on themselves, they sometimes become more \”willful\”. There is less rational control and more impulse to do things based on emotions. Therefore, more of the true inner impulses will be exposed. What\’s more, in a child\’s initial eyes, parents are the authority and represent the entire world. After spending more than ten years or even decades together day and night, children will unconsciously identify with their parents\’ way of life and internalize it into their own behavior patterns, even without deliberate education. (It’s just that sometimes this recognition is direct, and sometimes it’s through mutual recognition.The opposite way. ) Therefore, from the way a person gets along with his children, we can better see his true temperament, his three views, his subconscious, and the way he gets along with the world. There are many people who perform very well at work and fulfill their responsibilities; in intimate relationships, they can make do with it even if there are minor bumps in the road; it is not until they have children, and in the collision with them, that they realize It was because of the real frustration that I saw the emotions deep inside my heart. This was the reason. Children are a magnifying glass for their parents’ world view, outlook on life and values. I often receive messages like this in the background: What should I do if my child doesn’t do his homework well? My child is always timid, what should I do? What should you do if your child likes to steal other people’s things? At first, I would respond to a barrage of questions: How old is the child? What is your relationship like with your children? What do you do when your child is in this situation? I have to get more information before I can make a judgment. However, many times, the other party is never heard from again. I can more or less sense the other person\’s mentality: encountering problems, feeling pain, wanting to change, but not willing to put in the effort. I hope to find a shortcut and get a panacea-like answer that is simple and easy to use. It is too time-consuming to think about these questions. Such parents, when faced with their children\’s problems, often use simple and crude methods to solve their children\’s problems: just reason alone – scold – beat them. Yelling or beating is the easiest and most effective, but it is also the laziest. This kind of laziness is invisible, laziness of the mind – too lazy to use the brain, too lazy to notice. It is conceivable that such parents will adopt similar methods in work, life, and interpersonal relationships: when encountering problems, they will either act like an ostrich and pretend to turn a blind eye; or they will act on impulse and be simple and rude. As a result, the problem is still there, either getting worse slowly or getting worse quickly. Like a child that gave him a headache. And anxiety. A friend’s child is in third grade and has final exams in a few days. Seeing that the child was not in a hurry or panic, the friend couldn\’t help but said: \”Let me go over the wrong questions with you again.\” Unexpectedly, the child said: \”No need, I know it.\” \”I know it.\” Did you do something wrong?!\” \”I\’m just a little sloppy.\” said her friend, and she became angry: If she is so impetuous now, how can she get into a key middle school in the future? We are a province with a large population. How fierce will the college entrance examination be in the future? How can we do it if we don’t lay a solid foundation? The family has few resources and can only rely on the children to study hard on their own, but she is still so careless! In just a few seconds, a big drama was going on in her heart, and she would inevitably yell: \”There is no such thing as carelessness, it\’s just lack of skill! Look at you, you are so absent-minded, you are just too impetuous!\” The yelling lasted for a long time and ended with the child being scolded and crying. Later, she saw the diary written by her child: \”My mother said I was too impetuous, but I think she is the only one who is impetuous.\” Her friend said that after seeing this sentence, she felt quite complicated. Have you ever noticed that we have too much anxiety when dealing with our children? Anxious since birth, anxious about his growth and development, anxious about school choice, anxious about academic performance, anxious about work, anxious about marriage…In fact, many times, anxiety comes from ourselves: some people have never found themselves, and after giving birth to children, they give up themselves and place all their hopes on their children. Just like a gambler, winning or losing depends on the same chip. Can you not be anxious? Some people feel that they are not good enough because they are not confident. Projected onto the child, the child will feel that the child is not good enough. No matter what the child does, he will not be satisfied and thinks that it can be better. Others are insecure and have a sense of panic about the future, and do not allow their children to make any mistakes, otherwise it will be like the end of the world. Anxiety about your child reflects your own heart. You may not even realize that the way you face the world also implies anxiety. It’s not just laziness and anxiety. If you observe carefully, you will find that people with good intentions towards the world will also look at their children in a positive light. Children are good children, and it is inevitable to encounter problems. Just solve them slowly together. People who are wary of this world will feel that their children are always working against them and are trying to trick adults, so they should always beware of his tricks. People who lack a sense of boundaries cannot distinguish the boundaries between themselves and others. They tie themselves and their children tightly together, and have to take care of everything big and small, which results in a weak child. …The way a person connects to the world will show up in his children. A friend, because he is busy with work, rarely picks up his children from school. He basically only sees the class teacher at parent-teacher conferences. Once, she said to the class teacher apologetically: \”I usually have less contact with you, so you have to worry about it.\” The class teacher said: \”It doesn\’t matter. In fact, when I see the child, I know the child\’s situation at home. What is a child? So, I know it very well.\” This is a level statement. When you see children, you see parents, and you see the relationship between parents and children. Therefore, when you feel that there is a problem with your child, don’t rush around to look for tips. You might as well reflect on the way you get along with your child, and then reflect on your own heart. Experience this: When faced with your child’s problems, do you feel familiar? Have you ever had similar feelings about other things? And why do you feel this way? Think more, maybe you will have new insights.