The way you lose control of your emotions has entered your child\’s soul! To the mother who scolded the instant noodle guy on the high-speed train for being a scumbag

Recently, a video of a passenger eating instant noodles on a high-speed train and being yelled at by a woman has been widely circulated on the Internet. The incident happened during the Spring Festival. A male passenger was preparing to eat instant noodles. A mother sitting next to her held her child and pointed at him and said that instant noodles are not allowed on the high-speed train. The male passenger was very angry after hearing this, and angrily said to his wife: \”Eat slowly.\” In the end, the mother became furious and cursed the male passenger as \”shameless\”, \”a scum of society\”, \” No sense of public morality.\” There is no rule against eating instant noodles on the high-speed rail, so this mother\’s behavior was immediately criticized as a \”shrew\”. Later, the mother responded that her child was allergic to instant noodles, and she got angry after many attempts to communicate to no avail. It’s understandable to worry that your baby will be affected by the taste of instant noodles, but why not talk about it? Pointing at others and saying arrogantly \”You can\’t eat instant noodles on the high-speed rail\” is not good communication, but aggressive. I feel sorry for the infant child who witnessed his mother being unable to control her emotions and hysterical at such a young age. Yang Lan once said: \”Don\’t let your children see how stupid you are when you can\’t control your emotions.\” Once, Yang Lan had a very fierce conflict with her husband, which scared the child. After their emotions stabilized a little, both Yang Lan and her husband realized that they had just done a very terrible thing. So she came to the child\’s room, knelt on the ground with one leg, and said to the child from a completely eye-level angle: \”Mom and dad just did something very wrong. We argued like that in front of you, and we used very indecent words.\” Language. We want to tell you that adults sometimes do some very stupid things. For example, what we did just now was very stupid. We both sincerely apologize to you. Please forgive us.\” Why is Yang Lan doing this? First, she doesn’t want her children to think that she and her husband don’t love each other. Second, she doesn’t want her children to see a mother who is out of control, doesn’t speak well, and has low emotional intelligence, and she doesn’t want her children to become such a person. Children are the shadow of their parents. Parents who often roar hysterically in front of their children have given their children a very bad example. The children may express their emotions in the same way in the future. Whether it\’s with friends, colleagues, or your own children, you may fall into a subconscious habit. This is a very scary \”heredity\”. How parents behave is how children behave. The children pay for the parents’ low emotional intelligence! There is a popular question on Zhihu – \”How much impact will parents with low emotional intelligence have on their offspring?\” One netizen replied, \”The impact will be catastrophic.\” Her mother\’s biggest problem is that when something happens, she often vents her emotions first and then thinks about what to do. \”My mother didn\’t read much and didn\’t know how to think deeply. The time that impressed me most was when my parents quarreled, my father threw the plate, and then my mother burst into tears. As a young child, I was at a loss. Many years later, when I had a boy, When we were friends, I found that the way I dealt with conflicts was exactly the same as my parents. When I was unhappy, I would throw things, get hysterical, and say the most vitriolic words to attack each other, which made my boyfriend want to break up.\” Her father is also a person with low emotional intelligence and always He thinks he is arrogant and has no respect for others. \”I\’ve always hated my dad, but I didn\’t knowIn high school, he took advantage of his good grades and was very arrogant, which made some classmates dissatisfied. After dressing up in college, he took advantage of his beauty and called others ugly, which offended some classmates. Moreover, I never speak out of my mind. I don’t consider other people’s feelings. I get angry at the people around me at will. I quarrel with my roommates when I am dissatisfied with them, causing my roommates to become enemies. I also don’t know how to maintain interpersonal relationships. I have very unfamiliar relationships with my classmates. I also have very few friends. Often when a few people are having fun together, they will inexplicably stop playing with me. Of course, any benefits in the class were never my fault. \”Now this Zhihu netizen is working hard to improve his emotional intelligence and learn how to deal with others. Although it is not too late to fix the problem, this netizen has missed many beautiful things, friendship, love, and even opportunities. Once upon a time There is a very popular video of a young child following behind his parents: the child imitates his father in smoking, spitting, and throwing garbage, and imitates his mother in running a red light and talking on the phone loudly in public places… Execution is better than words. Parents are the greatest destiny of their children. The way parents handle things will affect their children\’s character, and then their behavior, and in the end, it may affect their entire life. The way you lost control of your emotions in those years has entered your child\’s soul. You know, decades of influence , is a force more powerful than anything. It is like raindrops, falling on us drop by drop. It is always difficult to detect at first, and when we find it, our clothes have already been wet. Through research and investigation by many psychologists and educators, we have found that a Only 20% of a person\’s success depends on his or her IQ, while 80% depends on his emotional intelligence. Daniel Goleman, the \”father of emotional intelligence\” and a professor at Harvard University in the United States, even believes that emotional intelligence is more important than IQ. \”The father of emotional intelligence\” \”Daniel Goleman proposed that emotional intelligence includes five main aspects: understanding oneself (awareness of one\’s own emotions and needs), self-management (regulating emotions), self-motivation (adverse quotient), identifying other people\’s emotions, and handling interpersonal relationships. Believe it Many parents know the importance of emotional intelligence, because many parents send their children to summer camps to cultivate emotional intelligence. They hope that through various activities in the summer camp, they can improve their children\’s expression skills, interpersonal skills, ability to overcome setbacks, and even Leadership, etc. But the irony is that some parents show low emotional intelligence in daily life. A friend once joked that children\’s amusement parks are like \”demon mirrors\”, where two parents often fight to help their children. Scenes of scolding and fighting between toys are problems that can be solved by talking well, but emotions must come first. When you want to resolve interpersonal conflicts and express your dissatisfaction to others, what should you do? Educator, American \”Thinking and When Dr. Wang Huayun, the founder of the \”Communication\” course, taught the children, she asked the children to act out a play. She asked two children A and B to play the role of people eating and talking loudly in the cinema, and the other three children played the role of sitting in other places. The audience behind them. The first child, C, shouted to A and B: \”Hey, why are you talking so loudly! As a result, A and B responded: \”Who are you?\”What\’s going on? It\’s so loud, can you care? \”The communication was fruitless, and a fight almost broke out. The second child D was very angry when she saw the behavior of A and B. She clenched her fists behind A and B, gritted her teeth, and wanted to give each of them a few punches. But her ears The words from my parents since I was a child can be heard beside me: “Don’t cause trouble when you go out. \”In the end, D didn\’t say anything. The third person, your child, touched A\’s arm very sincerely and said, \”Sorry, I want to concentrate on enjoying the movie. Your voices are a bit loud. It\’s hard for me to hear clearly what the actors are saying. Can you speak more quietly? Thank you in advance! As a result, A immediately said: \”I\’m really sorry, no problem.\” \”After reading the above short plays, it is obvious that the way to resolve interpersonal conflicts and express dissatisfaction is to clearly make your requests while respecting others, hoping that others will understand and cooperate. Recently, a Dalian citizen wrote to a certain person A letter from a neighbor who practices piano on the floor set a good example for us: “Hello, first of all, I deeply admire your persistent pursuit of art. However, please can you not start your art practice at seven o\’clock in the morning or even earlier? Your actions have seriously affected the normal rest of others. \”I am not writing this letter to stop your artistic pursuit. You can choose a more reasonable time (for example, after 9 a.m. and before 8 p.m.) to practice. In addition, please press the sound reducer in the middle of the bottom of the piano when practicing. The pedal can greatly control the volume, thank you! \”Use a tone of respect for others, tell the reasons, make requests, and give solutions. I believe that the neighbor who plays the piano will understand and do it. This is effective communication. Imitate the communication style of this Dalian citizen, on the high-speed rail The mother who was mad at the man who ate instant noodles could say something like this: “Hello, sorry for bothering you. My baby is just born and is very sensitive to the taste of instant noodles. Can you go to the dining car to eat it? Thank you very much! \”(reason + request + compromise) If you encounter someone who is unreasonable, scolds or even hits someone, you must first ensure the safety of yourself and your children, and then seek help from someone who can manage order and maintain fairness, such as High-speed train attendants, amusement park administrators, police, etc. It is useless to solve problems by acting bad. To solve interpersonal problems, you must use emotional intelligence instead of venting emotions. As a parent, it is especially important to understand this. Because parents are doing it and children are watching. Behind the excellence of every child is the guidance of correct values ​​​​and behavior by parents. As parents, only by treating self-discipline as a habit and being strict with yourself can you set a good example for your children. As Yang Lan said, \”Don\’t let your children see you being stupid when you can\’t control your emotions.\”