The worst parents are always \”for their children\”

When I was studying abroad, during a festival, a few people got together to make dumplings. Some people cried while wrapping their bags, saying, \”I miss home, I miss my parents.\” There was a visiting scholar at that time who was a few years older than us and kept silent. After finishing the wrapping and eating, even the chopping board was cleaned, the host girl made a pot of strong tea, and we talked around the fire. In the early hours of the morning, the scholar who had been quiet until now suddenly spoke up and told us about his childhood. From the time he can remember, he remembers his parents quarreling and breaking pots and bowls. He had an older sister. Whenever his parents quarreled, he and his older sister would hide under the table, hugging each other tightly and curling up into a ball. The quarrel always ends with the father slamming the door and walking away, leaving the mother sitting in the debris on the ground, crying. When they were children, they would crawl out and crawl into their mother\’s arms, and the three of them would cry together. The mother would always cry and say: \”If it weren\’t for you, I would get divorced.\” When they get older, they will clean the house and give a hot towel and a glass of warm water to their mother who is crying so much that she can no longer make a sound. When he was at home, he always felt cold for no reason, and there were strange chills on his back. They always need to be cautious and fearful. No one knows when the volcano will erupt and another disaster will come. After my sister entered adolescence, she became rebellious and explosive, a replica of her violent father. I have been hanging out with school gangsters since junior high school. Wearing heavy makeup, perming her hair, chewing gum, and skipping classes. When his sister was in her second year of high school, he came home from school one day. For the first time, he was at home with her eyes crying like peaches. He asked his sister why she was crying, but she refused to tell. After school the next day, my sister lay on the bed with a blank face. At dinner, my mother kept a straight face, but brought out a large bowl of chicken soup. He wanted to drink, but his mother refused to give it to his sister. He felt extremely wronged. A few weeks later, my sister took the leave of absence from school, left home, and went to work in the south. From then on, he lived alone in a home that was like a \”tomb of the living dead\”, facing his gloomy mother, and his days were like years. He grew up very quickly, and by the time he was in his first year of high school, he was already taller than his father. One time, because the vegetables were salty, my father started smashing the plates again. He suddenly took action and subdued his father. He pushed his father\’s hands behind his back and pushed him to the ground. His mother knelt beside them in horror and pulled his arms hard. He is a child who was frightened since he was a child. He has always been introverted, timid and taciturn. This time, he was like a lion driven crazy with red eyes, asking at the top of his lungs: \”Why don\’t you get a divorce? Why don\’t you get a divorce? Why don\’t you get a divorce?\” His mother, whose face was full of tears, said, \”It\’s all for you. , so that you can have a home.\” He was the one who slammed the door and left that day. He hid in the shadow of the tree at the door and sat there until dawn. He vowed to leave this home. He knew that in this age where strength was important, it would be difficult to move forward without academic qualifications or experience. He studied hard and turned from a scumbag into a top student. When he was taking the college entrance examination, he filled out his application form based on place names. As long as it allowed him to leave, the further away the better. He was admitted to a university thousands of kilometers away. During the four years of college, he used the long distance as an excuse to never return home. He knew from the phone call that his parents were still quarreling. This time he said in an adult manner: \”IYou can be independent now. Stop using me as an excuse. If you want to leave, leave as soon as possible. \”He tried his best to integrate in the university, worked very hard and deliberately to enrich himself; actively participated in club activities, and actively worked part-time internships. His efforts paid off. When he graduated, he stayed in school to work. The original family is the most terrible harm to people. The point is that time has passed and there is no chance to cure. Of course, if I have a great desire to change, the result is always more positive than blindly sad. Because he is highly educated, he knows that he has a stubborn heart, and he has read a lot of psychology He read books in the hope that he could change himself. Driven by his strong desire to change, he fell in love, and even convinced himself of his huge fear, got married and had children. He asked himself as written in the book , to be a qualified husband and father, but he never understands what love is? Whenever he talks about love, he seems to be trapped in a dense foggy mountain. Everything around him seems to be close at hand, within reach, but yet confusing. He was confused and couldn\’t see clearly at all. However, his sister\’s life was completely destroyed. When he grew up, he had long understood that his sister went to the south to work because of an abortion. When he arrived in the south, his sister\’s life was basically like this. Love, abortion, and abandonment; encountering love again, abortion, and abandonment… When the child is depraved and can no longer be aborted, the child is born, and then both mother and child are abandoned. The sister takes the child home and throws it to Mother, I don’t know where she went. His parents actually didn’t divorce. As he got older, his energy weakened and they quarreled less than before. Occasionally, they could still cook dinner together peacefully. He was not happy for his parents at all. , but he was extremely angry. He couldn\’t convince himself to forgive his parents. He kept saying that he was for the sake of his children, but let his children live in a hell worse than death. This was selfishness, injury, not love! He was born in the 1970s and was born in a In a remote fourth-tier city. In that era, in that city, divorce was very rare. Above the state-owned enterprise where they lived, it was common for couples to quarrel or even fight. As long as no one was killed in the quarrel, they were still married. problem. But divorce is a fact that has surfaced and made everyone embarrassed. Many times, he tried to analyze his parents\’ marriage from an adult perspective. He believed that the greater reason why his parents did not divorce was for their own sake. For the sake of one\’s own face, for one\’s own weakness, for one\’s own powerlessness, for one\’s own inability to take responsibility, and for one\’s own self-abasement. The child becomes an innocent fig leaf, used to block the things in one\’s heart that even one does not dare to face. Dirty and weak. The child has become an unnecessary scapegoat, used to bear the responsibilities that the parents dare not face. It is easier to blame others than to blame yourself! The reason why the word \”人\” is difficult to write is because it is difficult to write. , one left and one right, stand up. The reason why the word \”big\” is more difficult to write is that you not only have to stand up, but also be able to shoulder your own responsibilities. The arms of the word \”small\” slip down, because The ancestors have long understood that finding an excuse to shift the responsibility is too small and unable to shoulder the responsibility. In fact, what is even more sad is that he is not a special case at all. How many parents are there in this world every day?Every day I kept saying, \”For the sake of the children.\” For the sake of the children, I endured the divorce! I work hard for my children! For the sake of my children, I gritted my teeth and saved money! For the sake of my children, I kept my head down and suffered the injustice! … In order to increase the effect, she would cross her legs and wipe her tears and say: \”It was all because of you that I suffered, how much I suffered, how many opportunities I lost, all because of you!\” Saying \”for the sake of the children\”, It is so easy, so smooth, high-sounding, and dressed like an animal. My children once asked me, \”Mom, why don\’t you go to work? When you go to work, you can wear beautiful clothes and high heels every day?\” I hurriedly said, \”Mom, why don\’t you go to work? Why don\’t you guys What should I do?\” After saying that, I couldn\’t help but feel ashamed. I called the children to my side again and said to them, \”Mom, you won\’t go to work. It\’s because your father and mother discussed it and we decided that when you were young, your mother would not go to work.\” Dedication is a kind of destructive self-sacrifice, which is very stressful. . The children are all weird little elves, they know everything, they just can\’t say it. Today in the 21st century, contraceptive methods are popular. Having children becomes a choice rather than a necessity. But as an adult, you cannot be responsible for your own choices. You open your mouth for the sake of your children. Let your children bear your choices, let your children bear your responsibilities, and let your children feel that they owe you from the bottom of their hearts because you have turned your torch into ashes for them. Those who dedicate themselves are the most terrifying parents in the world. It only takes about 18 to 20 years to raise a child. In an era when human life expectancy is seventy or eighty years, everyone has their own rough and winding life before and after having children. My child, I love you and I am willing to do my best, but this is definitely not for you. Because \”I love you\”, the subject is me, not you.