There are 3 response modes for parents to their children. Which one you choose determines the life of your child.

In this world, there are sunny, promising and loving people like Zuckerberg, and there are cruel, extreme and anti-social people like Chen Shifeng. Parents all dream of their children becoming the former, lest their children become the latter. What can parents do about this? Freud and Rogers, two leading figures in the two major schools of psychology, had very different views, but one point of view coincided with each other: a person\’s early interaction with his parents is crucial to his psychological growth. Around us, those who have failed marriages many times, lack friends, and have tense relationships are usually not treated gently by their parents in childhood. Poor parent-child interactions have lifelong consequences for children. The quality of parent-child interaction depends on the parents\’ response to their children. I have seen children on the street raise their heads to talk to their parents, only to be yelled back by their parents. After a while, the child still talked to his parents innocently. I have seen children eagerly telling their parents something while trotting along with their parents, but their parents remained expressionless and said nothing. But I have never seen children growl, be indifferent and disdainful when their parents talk to them properly. Children always open their arms to their parents and look forward to their parents\’ response. Because parents’ responses carry love and respect. But not every parent will respond to their children with love and respect. In reality, there are three common response patterns for parents towards their children: negative, avoidant and consistent. Different response patterns shape children\’s different personalities and destinies. A negative reader’s message is impressive: “As a child born in the 1980s, my child has already gone to elementary school, but in my memory, my mother never said that I did anything right! She told my spouse confidently that I was good at it when I was a child. She\’s good, she never behaves nonsense, even if she hits me, I don\’t dare to cry, because the more I cry, the harder I hit, so I don\’t cry or fuss, and it\’s easy to take care of.\” \”Now, if the things I buy are more expensive than what she bought, , she said I was cheated. If it’s cheaper than what she bought, the quality is definitely not as good as hers.” “When I say one thing, the first sentence she responds to is always questioning. Sometimes I share a funny quote with her. She can always discover the dark side of society in things. Recently she can’t stand it anymore and wants to explode!” This is a typical negative parent and a repressed child. Not letting her cry is denying her emotions; being picky about what she buys is denying her behavior; always questioning her words is denying her ideas. Being human is nothing more than having concepts, emotions, and behaviors. If you deny any of them, you are denying this person. Negative parents always use actions to tell their children: This is wrong, that is bad, and this is not allowed. Over time, children will think they are worthless and become withdrawn. The suicide of a female netizen born in the 1990s who was born in the 1990s has attracted widespread attention on the Internet. On March 18, 2012, the netizen \”ZuFan\” posted a Weibo post: \”I have depression, so I just want to die. There is no important reason. You don\’t need to care about my departure. Goodbye.\” It was later confirmed by the police. The Weibo poster committed suicide. Netizens entered her Weibo and found that her words were full of loneliness and cold humor. The only person mentioned multiple times on Weibo is her mother. \”My mom always drives me crazySometimes I giggle, but for the sake of our friendship of more than twenty years, I will forgive you. \”There was no place to stay. Everywhere I went, people told me: You have to go.\” Even when I got home, my mother said: You can\’t stay here. Every moment I look at the deadlines for leaving, I feel isolated and helpless. \”When Zongfan was extremely depressed, her mother laughed in return, making her feel desperate; when Zongfan longed to belong, her mother rejected her, making her feel heartless. Children who have been denied for a long time have their feelings suppressed and their self distorted, thus becoming Feeling inferior and withdrawing. Neglecting type Once, I saw a young mother sitting on a stool in a shopping mall looking at her mobile phone. Next to her, a little girl about five years old was lying on the stool playing origami. The little girl was holding a folded boat. She excitedly said to her mother: \”Mom, look, I folded the boat! \”The mother was still looking at the phone with no expression on her face. The little girl came closer and said, \”Mom, look! \”My mother had an impatient expression on her face: \”Okay, okay, okay, mom saw it. \”While speaking, her eyes never left the phone. The little girl clearly felt her mother\’s perfunctory look, with a disappointed look on her face, pouting, and playing with the boat casually in her hands. The little girl shared her feelings with her mother, eager to establish a connection with her mother, but… Being ignored by her mother, the little girl must be full of frustration. The long-term lack of attention may cause the little girl to be obsessed with the sweet talk of the scumbag when she grows up. Neglectful parents usually do not take their children seriously and are too lazy to respond to their children , or treating non-response as punishment. This is essentially disrespectful to the child. Such parents are usually not respected by their own parents in childhood. A police friend said a case: a 13-year-old boy, during the day He slept online in Internet cafes, stole at night, and once broke his leg because he climbed into a house. Through interrogation, the police learned that the boy\’s father was paralyzed due to a work-related injury, and his mother took care of his father while working part-time. The parents ignored the boy. He had no access to the boy for a long time. Due to his parents\’ concern and response, the boy became addicted to the Internet, stealing money to play games in Internet cafes and rewarding anchors. The interrogation ended at 9 p.m., and the boy was exempted from punishment if he was under 14 years old. The police sent the boy home, a man with a yard. Bungalow. The boy shouted to his parents to open the door outside the iron gate of the yard. He shouted for more than ten minutes, but no one responded. Through the window of his parents\’ bedroom, he could clearly see the TV playing a program. The boy said to the police in embarrassment: \”You guys Don\’t worry about me. After saying that, he climbed over the courtyard wall and entered the house. In order to enter the house, the boy had to use the method of climbing and stealing. This sounds a bit ironic and a bit heartbreaking. During the ten minutes when his parents were silent, the boy He must have felt the despair of being abandoned, which slowly annihilated the boy\’s hope like Ling Chi. The parents\’ indifference, like a pair of irresistible hands, pushed the boy into the abyss of crime. Lu Xun once said: \”Only silence is the highest Contempt, the highest form of contempt is speechless, without even turning your eyes away. \”Neglect is sometimes more terrifying than denial. It causes children to lose their parents\’ attention and at the same time get irrefutable denial. A consistent mother shared her experience online: \”Once I took my son on a train, and my son suddenly pointed out shouting excitedly out the window: ‘Mom, look! That train is so fast! ’ I said, ‘Wow! Mom also saw it, and she was so excited! ’ My son suddenly turned his head and said to me seriously: ‘Mom, I love you so much! ’ After saying that, he kissed me on the face. At that moment, I felt extremely happy. \”The mother fully accepts the child\’s feelings, resonates with them, and expresses them naturally. The child feels deep love from the mother\’s true and natural response. In the consistent response mode, parents are carefully aware of the child\’s heart, Then use language, expressions, and behavior to express acceptance of the child. The parents\’ response is consistent with the child\’s heart and resonates at the same frequency, so the child\’s growth energy will flow unimpeded. The child can feel: I am liked by my parents and feel at ease. , very satisfied. This feeling appears again and again and will be solidified in the child\’s subconscious: I am valuable and the world is safe. The child will become confident and will actively adapt to and transform the world when he grows up. Therefore, parents should be keenly aware of their children and respond positively to them. Once, I bought a storage rack from the Internet. When I started assembling it, my two-and-a-half-year-old Zai Zai ran over excitedly and imitated me to use a screwdriver to tighten it. Screws, while talking to himself. When I was studying the manual, Zai Zai pulled my pants and called daddy loudly. I hummed, still staring at the manual. When Zai Zai called daddy again, I realized that he I was a little anxious. So I put down the manual, squatted down and looked at him. Zaizai grinned and said, \”Dad, let\’s install it together. \”I said yes, and then while talking to him, I watched him pretending to install it. At that moment, I suddenly felt a touch of emotion in my heart, and thought Zaizai looked very cute. The child felt love through the response of the parents, and the parents also felt love through the response to the child. The response awakens the love in my heart. A mother in the community asked me if there is any secret to the fact that your son does not have stage fright and likes to talk? I smiled and thought to myself, we have always responded to him seriously, does it count? Poor people Ask Buddha: Why am I so poor? Buddha: Because you have not learned to give to others. Poor: I have nothing, how can I give? Buddha: Even if a person has no money, he can still give five things to others: 1. Kindness, that is, a smile Treat others. 2. Give with words, say more words of encouragement, praise and comfort. 3. Give with heart, open your heart and be sincere to others. 4. Give with eyes, give to others with kind eyes. 5. Give with body, help others with actions. Maybe we We can’t give our children shoes that cost more than 10,000 yuan, or go to a kindergarten with a tuition fee of more than 10,000 yuan. But we can give our children “five gifts”: smile, look at the child with loving eyes, praise the child sincerely, respond to the child’s words sincerely, Give your children meticulous care. If you can do this, your children will become sunny, happy, independent, and deeply in love with their parents. The so-called spiritual enrichment is nothing more than the love for your children turned into words, words, and heart. Give with your eyes and with your body. Your response to your child\’s love is the best gift you can give your child.