There are three taboos + three avoidances when raising children. The sooner you know about them, the better.

A few days ago, a friend came to me to complain, saying that he had encountered big problems in raising a baby recently. She also has two children at home, the eldest is a 6-year-old son, and the second is a 3-year-old daughter. They have always been taken care of by their grandmother. In the past, she often saw the brother and sister arguing, but recently she saw the second child \”beating up\” the older brother more than once. He was extremely arrogant and domineering. The strangest thing was that the elder brother often didn\’t fight back and was even a little \”afraid\” of his younger sister. After chatting with her, I found out that the child’s grandma had several secrets for raising children, such as “Raise a son if you are poor and raise a daughter if you are rich”, “Knock boys more, pamper girls more” and so on. Even if the grandson falls down, he will not help him. Even if he is a toddler, he always emphasizes that boys must be brave and not allowed to cry or be afraid of pain. But if your granddaughter falls, you should help her, if she cries, you should hug her, if she is unhappy, you should comfort her, they are completely different. My friend felt something was wrong and tried to persuade my grandma many times not to be partial, but she said she didn’t understand. She said that boys and girls were raised in different ways. Boys should be hit more and frustrated more, so that they can become more courageous the more frustrated they are. Girls should be cared for and cared for more. Help more so that you can grow up healthily. I believe that whether it is our own growth history or the experience of raising children, we have all been treated differently because of our gender. But is this “parenting truth” spread among the public really true? Should boys and girls be treated differently? Professor Li Meijin once talked about this topic specifically, and the answer she gave is: there are \”three taboos\” in raising children, and there are \”three avoidances\” in raising daughters. There are \”three taboos\” when raising children: 1. Don\’t take good care of your best friend\’s daughter who had a physical examination before she entered kindergarten. I am usually a crybaby, but that day I was surprisingly strong and took two tubes of blood without saying a word. It was originally a very accidental and ordinary thing, but it turned out to be a big fuss among the boy\’s parents who lined up to have his blood drawn. \”Look, she\’s such a little girl and she doesn\’t even cry. She\’s already crying before you get there!\” \”Okay, just cry for a while. A young man can cry endlessly. Look at this little girl, you have the nerve to do so.\” Are you crying?\” It is undeniable that in the eyes of most people, boys should be brave, strong, and bold, so the requirements for them are higher: don\’t cry when you fall, don\’t scream when in pain, don\’t be afraid when climbing high, etc. Etc., once a child behaves badly, he or she is often taught by saying, \”You are a boy, and boys should behave like that.\” We always use the gender recognition in adulthood to limit the consciousness and behavior of children in infancy. In fact, this is completely wrong. A boy will feel pain if he falls down, cry if he bleeds, and be timid when he is scared. So, at this time, please hug him, please allow him to cry, and please don’t force him… Boys are not born brave, nor are they forced to be brave, but when they have enough love and attention, they are full of security in their hearts. At the same time, bravery naturally arises at the corresponding age. Want to raise a brave boy? Start by allowing him to cry, be timid, timid, and weak! 2. Avoid not being independent. The opposite extreme of \”not caring\” is being too caring and \”not independent enough\”. When most of the caregivers around them are female, it is easy for boys to develop a lack of masculine character, because mothers will subconsciously use female standards to ask their children: Don\’t touch this, don\’t touch that, it\’s dirty, what should I do if there are bacteria? ? No running,No jumping or climbing allowed. What if I fall? But boys are driven by male hormones, and their demands are sometimes contrary to those of women. I remembered that every day after school for my daughter, the little girls’ greetings were: Come, let’s live a house, I’ll play dad and you’ll play mom. The little boy\’s greeting language is: Come, let\’s fight, I am Ultraman, you are the monster! If you raise a wild horse, give him a piece of grassland instead of raising him to be a docile sheep. Therefore, we must learn to let go appropriately and respect the growth habits of boys. Letting go allows boys to be independent, which is also reflected in the trivial matters of life. Compared with many little girls who have to do everything by themselves, boys\’ food, clothing, housing and transportation are often clearly and properly arranged. Children almost don\’t have to worry about anything and are only responsible for playing and learning. But it is precisely the small things such as putting on clothes, folding quilts, pouring water, and sweeping the floor that cultivate children\’s super hands-on ability, decision-making ability, and execution ability, and affect their underlying habits and personality. From a closer look, it directly affects children\’s acceptance of kindergarten. Those with poor adaptability are usually overly dependent on their parents. From a distance, most \”mama\’s boys\” as adults have had a mother who took care of them since childhood. A child who cannot grow independently cannot talk about responsibility and responsibility. Independence is a very precious quality for every child. 3. Avoid being motivated. Whether a boy or a girl, ambition is very important in this era. However, due to the influence of traditional concepts and practical conditions, the society as a whole still regards men as the masters outside and women as the masters at home. As the backbone of the family and the main source of income in the future, men\’s ambition is naturally particularly important. There are still misunderstandings about the cultivation of self-motivation. Parents are more likely to punish boys than girls. After all, boys seem to be more generous and can withstand a few lessons, while girls are not as sensitive and delicate, and they cry after hearing a few harsh words. This makes it easier for parents of girls to stop when it comes to discipline, while parents of boys are more likely to go further when it comes to discipline: criticize, hit, or even slap them twice! In fact, it is precisely because boys are \”nervous\” that their communication and feedback are not as delicate and timely as girls\’, so they cannot use rough tactics. Boys just show that they are more ambitious, but in fact, they are not heartless. If children are constantly criticized, accused, and denied, they will lose their self-confidence and lack a sense of accomplishment, so how can they be motivated? Therefore, positive education, correct encouragement, and good examples are all indispensable for boys. This is the way to truly inspire children to work hard and make progress. \”Three things to avoid\” when raising a daughter: 1. Avoid talking about material wealth and raising children. I\’m afraid you have all heard this saying: \”If you are poor, you will raise a son, if you are rich, you will raise a daughter.\” After all, there have always been more ladies with wealth, and less dandy men since ancient times. There is also a new interpretation in today\’s society, that is, girls who were raised rich when they were young will not be deceived by a piece of candy when they grow up. Therefore, \”if you are poor, raise your children and if you are rich, you must raise your daughters\” has become the \”golden rule\” of traditional child-rearing. But in fact, the \”richness\” mentioned here for girls does not only refer to material things. In fact, I have seen more cases where girls who are purely materially well-off are too well protected and have never suffered the hardship of money since childhood.She didn\’t even know that firewood, rice, oil and salt were expensive, and she didn\’t even need a piece of candy. She just said a few words and followed the man into poverty. Blindly \”enriching yourself\” with material satisfaction will not necessarily achieve the result of \”not being cheated by a piece of candy\” as we think. Therefore, raising a daughter must avoid pure material wealth. You can provide her with material satisfaction within your capabilities, but more importantly, you can provide her with spiritual wealth, abundant love, understanding and support, so that she can have a broad vision, rich knowledge, and the opportunity to do things independently. In this way, she can grow into a thoughtful, opinionated, and wise girl, understand what is truly worth pursuing, what she wants, and not be tempted by vanity. 2. Avoid over-indulging. It is undeniable that many parents are more likely to unknowingly over-love their cute and adorable daughters. They often over-love their daughters without even realizing it, and a large number of \”daughter slaves\” have become \”daughter slaves\”. For example, even if we are not allowed to eat chocolate, our son is sent away hastily because he is not ashamed. We may not be able to bear it and agree to our daughter because she is pitiful and full of pear blossoms. We are also children of the same age, but we ask the little boy to give way to the girl because she is a girl. We always think that girls are naturally weak and need more love and protection. Little do we know that long-term excessive love will cause irreversible damage. One is to be irresponsible and unable to endure hardship. The other kind is even worse, that is arrogance, arrogance and wantonness. I believe that neither of these is what we want to see. What we want to cultivate is not people who feel inferior or self-sufficient because of their identity as \”girls\”; rather, we do not set limits based on gender. Even girls can have the courage to try and explore, so as to become brave, confident, independent, and humble. people. 3. Avoid favoring boys over girls. Whenever boys are given priority over girls, I think of the classic character Fan Shengmei in the TV series \”Ode to Joy\”. There are many Fan Shengmei in reality. Even in such a developed and open social environment today, it is still common. Not only were sons given priority over daughters when they were children, but they were also asked to support and help their elder brothers/brothers in various ways as adults. But the preference for sons over daughters has harmed two children. Needless to say, the impact on the daughter. Do you think your son will take advantage? A foreign survey shows that among all sibling combinations, the more parents favor sons, the higher the probability that the son will be useless when he grows up. On the contrary, the probability of daughters being successful will be higher, but the happiness index is generally low. The view given by psychologist Alfred Adler is: When we stand on the younger brother\’s side and give them support to fight against the older sister\’s side, this will actually enhance their feeling of weakness and teach him to use this helplessness and weakness to gain. Special attention. For a long time, they may label themselves as weak and have low self-esteem, which is not helpful in developing problem-solving abilities, social skills, etc. As the eldest sister, when they cannot get unconditional attention from their parents emotionally, they will turn to become stronger in academics, careers, etc., in order to compete for their parents\’ approval. But the insecurity they have been \”competing for\” since childhood will make it difficult for them to be happy. Therefore, preferring boys over girls is a gamble destined to lose both sides. In the process of raising two children, a daughter and a son, I discovered that although the gender of boys and girlsDifferent, the specific education methods are also slightly different, but the love given by parents cannot be different. Is your family a boy or a girl? How many misunderstandings have you encountered today?