There is a kind of education called \”low temperature and slow cooking\”

Saw a post on Zhihu. The poster was a mother who claimed that as her son grew up, her temper became worse and worse, and she often lost control of her emotions. She gets particularly angry when her son disobeys even a little bit. She would yell at him, even twist his face and ears, and use cold violence on the child without speaking or paying attention to him. She said: \”I know what I am doing is wrong and I will regret it after beating him, but I just can\’t control myself. What should I do?\” Once this online help was published, it immediately resonated with many parents. A mother left a message and wrote: \”I cried when I saw it! It\’s exactly the same experience…\” I don\’t know when, but any detail in parenting may become a trigger for our emotions. And we are deeply involved in it, but we often don’t realize it. Cooks once proposed a \”low-temperature and slow-cooking\” theory when cooking lamb chops and chicken: The advantage of low-temperature and slow-cooked is that it can prevent the loss of vitamins B, C, etc., and also maintain the tenderness of the meat. Traditional high-temperature cooking will lead to the loss of vitamins. In terms of education methods, parents should also learn the \”low temperature and slow cooking\” method. When facing children\’s problems, you should keep your emotions low, your tone slow, and your decision-making delayed. Using these few minutes to stabilize your emotions, think rationally, and make careful decisions is the greatest wisdom as a parent. Children make mistakes: one minute of hypothermia. Teacher Chen Mo, a child and adolescent psychological education expert, said: \”The more stable the parents\’ emotions are, the more secure the children will be, and the more harmonious the family will be.\” Everyone understands the truth, but when it comes to practice, they often cannot control it. Every move of a child always affects all our joys, sorrows and joys. When I was at work, I saw this scene: While waiting for the subway, a mother kept lecturing her child: \”You don\’t get up no matter how many times I call you, what are you doing now, are you late?\” \”I don\’t care about you, you are on your own Go explain to the teacher! I can\’t afford to shame that person.\” The mother kept scolding her child from the platform to the subway car, and from the car to the exit. The little boy kept his head down, his face flushed, and he didn\’t dare to say a word. Studies have found that parents’ exposure to negative emotions will affect their children’s brain development. As a result, children will suffer from abnormal behaviors such as insecurity, emotional instability, and poor self-control. As children grow older and reach adolescence, they will develop more psychological problems. For example: unsociable, social phobia, disharmonious relationship between husband and wife after adult marriage. To a certain extent, our children\’s fate depends on our temper. When parents are angry, they must first cool down their emotions. Wait for one minute at low temperature, and the family harmony will be 100%. ① Don’t bring bad moods home. Parents should strictly distinguish between work and life. It’s normal to be unhappy at work and in a bad mood. But the child has not made any mistakes, and parents should not pass on external pressure to their children. When you come home from get off work every day, you might as well calm down before entering the house, change your role, and become a warm parent. ② Be aware of your emotions and take a deep breath for 1 minute. Dr. Ronald, an American emotion management expert, said: \”In the early stages of anger, the ups and downs of emotions generally do not exceed 12 seconds. We need to learn how to resolve emotions within these 12 seconds.\” If you find yourself feeling emotional, Okay, take a few deep breaths and be silent inside.Count a few to buffer. You can also say to your child: \”Mom is not in a good mood right now. You need to calm down. Mom will stay with you later, okay?\” ③ If you fail to control your emotions, let go and learn to apologize. If you hurt your child because of your unstable emotions, , don’t be afraid of losing face, and apologize to your children in time. Let the children know that parents will pay a price for making mistakes. Use actions to guide children to learn to manage their emotions and strive to be an emotionally stable person. A good parent-child relationship needs to be maintained by \”talking well\”. The child made a request: answer, low temperature brewing 2 minutes ago. In the early morning of two days ago, I saw a parent scolding a child at the school gate. The reason was the child\’s request to go to a classmate\’s house to play for a while after school. The mother scolded: \”You only know how to play in one day. Your classmate\’s academic performance is so poor. How can you be successful playing with him?\” The little boy\’s eyes full of expectation gradually dimmed, his face turned red, and he lowered his head. No. Say nothing again. The mother was still teaching the boy as if no one was watching, until the bell rang for class, and the boy hurried in. Parents may wish to think for 2 minutes when answering their children\’s requests. Thinking before and after does not mean not to answer, but to answer rationally. Use kind and firm words more often, and children will be more willing to make changes: ① If you are worried, say it gently – for example: the child wants to play outside for a while. You can say: \”You come back too late, your parents are very worried about you.\” Instead of: \”You only know how to play in one day, and don\’t come back when you go out!\” ② Answer the question head-on, don\’t ask rhetorical questions – the child wants to buy something . You can say: \”Then you have to convince me.\” instead of: \”What\’s the use of buying it?\” ③ Communicate with your children, be more respectful and less demanding. Children want their classmates to come to play at home. You can say: Yes, but you have to tidy up the mess. Instead of: \”Okay, but you can\’t make a mess at home, otherwise it\’s up to me to clean you up.\” There is a sentence that impressed me deeply: \”Every child dances on the tip of his parents\’ tongues.\” Parents\’ words have warmth, and children Only then do you have the courage to look towards the sun. What principles should parents adhere to when saying \”no\” to their children\’s requests? Don\’t compromise when your abilities and conditions don\’t allow it at all. If the ability and conditions are acceptable, it should be met appropriately, but there must be conditions. When a child behaves and rolls around asking for something, it is recommended to do this: Professor Li Meijin once proposed the \”four don\’ts\” method to restrain children\’s willfulness. When a child cries, parents take the child home first and stay alone with the child in the bedroom. Don\’t scold him, don\’t hit him, don\’t lecture him, don\’t walk away. After the child has cried enough and is emotionally stable, we can say something like this: \”Baby, you have to speak up if something happens in the future. If you can convince me, I will consider meeting your request.\” Although the child is small, he is an independent individual. Have their own personality and thoughts. When they can make requests to their parents or others based on their own needs, they deserve to be taken seriously. Children\’s hobbies: determination, low temperature tolerance for 3 minutes. Maria Montessori, a famous Italian educator, said: \”Respecting children\’s ideas does not mean unconditionally meeting all their requirements.\” For children, the younger they are, the more time they need to consider. The more factorsMost of their expressions are emotional reactions and physiological needs. For example, he eats when he is hungry, drinks water when he is thirsty, likes to eat sweets, likes to drink soda… He does not consider whether it is harmful to the body, whether it will cause dental caries, etc. These are situations outside of instinct. While parents respect their children\’s ideas, they must also judge whether their children\’s requests are reasonable. Many hobbies are lifelong. Parents need more time to help their children make decisions. This is very necessary. Family conditions are the prerequisite to support children\’s interests and hobbies. If the child needs to buy a piano worth tens of thousands of yuan, the mother will immediately agree. But if the child cannot afford it, the education will fail. Rational thinking – based on the development needs of children. Keep your promises – Once you make a decision, you cannot waver repeatedly, go back on your word, or lose integrity with your children. At the same time, don\’t rush the duck to the shelf, and don\’t force your child to do something you like but he doesn\’t like. If you really can\’t decide, you can let your child take a few classes on a trial basis. For example, if a child wants to draw, let him draw two sections; if a child wants to dance, let him dance a few times. Afterwards, when the child still has fever and family conditions permit, the mother nods. To cultivate children\’s interests, what parents need to do is: \”Try to let the children focus on nothing else and find their own passion\”! However, children cannot control too many interests and hobbies, and cannot balance the time between cultural classes and interest classes. This requires parents to help their children make choices: ① Life-long literacy makes up for shortcomings. When parents are faced with their children\’s numerous interests and hobbies and cannot choose, You can take a look at which of your children’s interests and hobbies are lifelong qualities. For example, if your child\’s handwriting is crooked and he is afraid to express himself on stage, he can try his interest in calligraphy and speech hosting, because beautiful calligraphy and good eloquence can benefit the child for life. ② Set rules after choosing. After a child chooses a hobby, we must let the child know that every choice he makes must bear the corresponding consequences. At this time, we must use rules to restrict children\’s behavior to prevent children from not cherishing things that are easy to obtain. For example, if a child likes to buy toys, we need to make an agreement with the child that we can only buy two toys a month. Every time after buying a toy, you have to draw a circle on the desk calendar in front of him. You must be careful about what you buy next time, otherwise you will not have a chance. Don\’t reject your child\’s hobbies rudely, and don\’t satisfy them blindly. While respecting your child\’s wishes, you must establish rules. Let the child learn to choose and cherish, and cultivate his ability to think further about problems. Written at the end is the way to raise children. If you speak slowly, you will be noble, if you act slowly, you will be safe, and if you do things slowly, you will be harmonious. Parents\’ education for their children cannot just be \”poor parents in the world\”, but also needs to be considered in the long term. Although the pace of life is very fast, we cannot be messy, not consider the consequences, and not pay attention to the process. The road to parenting is a long journey, and no one can reach the destination directly. If it goes too fast, it risks derailing like a train. Therefore, only by cooking at low temperature and slowly according to the pace of children\’s growth can we move forward steadily. Click [Like] to encourage us.