There is a kind of parent who doesn\’t lose his temper but is more hurtful! Many children have been infected (parents please check yourself)

I went to a friend\’s house for a get-together a few days ago, and something like this happened during lunch. My friend\’s son Liangliang was sitting at the dinner table, tapping the table with chopsticks for a long time without taking a bite. Others just thought that this child was picky about food. But his friend put a piece of braised pork into his bowl, and he ate it with gusto. Only then did I realize: It turned out that the dish he liked was far away, so he was being petty. So, after eating the dish he liked, Liangliang changed his attitude, stood up, picked up several more pieces, and only ate this dish. I didn\’t see my friend\’s face at all, and it became increasingly ugly. During this period, a sister helped to smooth things over and said, \”My kids are like this too.\” But after the friend responded, \”I\’m not angry,\” she picked up the braised pork on the plate and poured it into Liangliang\’s bowl: \”Here, you like to eat these. It\’s all for you. Eat it all, don\’t waste it!\” There is no trace of anger, but the feeling of oppression is very strong. In the end, Liangliang was also full of grievances. Looking at the braised pork that was almost overflowing in the bowl, she could only hold back her tears and accept her mother\’s \”kindness\”. My friend never forgets to emphasize: \”When raising children, you must be emotionally stable at all times.\” But is this really emotional stability? Not so. Emotional stability is not about suppressing emotions, but managing them. Losing your temper when it\’s time to lose your temper is far more important than not yelling or yelling. There is a kind of parent who is \”emotionally stable\” but more hurtful. Faced with their children\’s unreasonable troubles, many parents begin to adopt the method of \”beating magic with magic\”: If you don\’t like to eat, then let you go. Let you starve a few times first. If you like to stay up late playing games, then let you play. If you don’t play until dawn, you won’t be allowed to sleep. If you don’t like going to school, then take it home and send it to the countryside to experience the life of getting up before dawn and working… After a few twists and turns, the effect is indeed there. But it will also undermine the parent-child relationship. When I asked my cousin about her experience in raising children, she told me about such an annoying thing. One weekend, when my cousin had just finished cleaning, her daughter Lanlan took advantage of her time in the kitchen to draw on the floor with a watercolor pen, rummaged through the cabinets and threw toys all over the floor. When she turned around and found out, she suppressed her anger and asked Lan Lan to clean up. Unconvinced, Lan Lan asked nonchalantly: \”Don\’t you always say that you should respect my nature?\” After hearing this, the cousin could only suppress the anger. After all, this is indeed her \”educational philosophy.\” Therefore, she would rather continue cooking in anger than break her own image. However, no matter how well you hide it, it is revealed during the meal. Lan Lan\’s father muttered: \”Today\’s dish is too salty.\” The cousin broke her guard: \”It\’s not your daughter who has influenced my cooking.\” \”I\’m not angry either. Don\’t be accused of being bad-tempered later.\” Father and daughter After the two of them looked at each other, no one dared to speak again. From then on, whenever her cousin \”didn\’t perform properly\” when cooking, Lan Lan would reflect on herself: Did she do something wrong again? The mother\’s temper becomes more and more intolerable, and the child becomes more and more fearful. Because the parents\’ emotions are too stable, the children will always worry about \”their parents\’ sudden outbursts\” and fall into excessive thinking. It is true that \”not being angry but being angry\” can make children realize their mistakes, but this is a deeply hidden \”hidden attack\” that is far more hurtful than expressing true anger. The more tolerant parents are, the more rebellious their children will be. As children enter adolescence, the most common thing many parents do when they have \”angry\” emotions isThe method is: control emotions as much as possible, just to maintain a harmonious parent-child relationship. But in the book \”Awakening Parents\”, there is such a view: \”An awakened person not only has the ability to tolerate emotional waves, but also accepts all emotions.\” Being too tolerant in everything is also a mistake. Netizen @无码说 shared a case. There was a ten-year-old boy who lived with the elderly in his family before going to elementary school. After he came to live with his parents, the relationship between parent and child became estranged, and the child did not want to get close to his parents. Thinking that she owed him too much, the mother secretly made up her mind: She would not let her son suffer any further grievances in the future, and she would never lose her temper in front of him. Since then, the boy has quickly become familiar with his parents, but he has also become more and more willful: he must get what he wants; his parents promise to buy it later, and he starts to lose his temper; when his needs cannot be met, he will also complain. Parents fight with fists and kicks. Seeing this situation, the child\’s father also tried to correct the problem, but the child\’s mother always stood in front of the child and confessed that the child had suffered too much in his hometown and that his parents owed him this. As long as her son hugs her and apologizes afterwards: \”Mom, I was wrong.\” The \”tolerant\” mother will give in. With such spoiling, the father will not dare to control it at all. A sentence comes to mind: \”Tolerating without speaking out will cause confusion to the children.\” Indeed, if children cannot capture their parents\’ true reactions, it will be difficult for them to understand their parents\’ good intentions. More often than not, when dealing with family education issues, there is nothing wrong with being calm, but you must also let your children see your attitude: forgive you not because you did the right thing, but because your parents love you; you did the wrong thing What happened, I was very angry. Use obvious anger to let your children know that parents\’ tolerance does not have a bottom line. Timely discipline is responsible for their future. Parents with high emotional intelligence are very good at losing their temper. It is true that psychological counselor Li Songwei also said: \”If your child does something wrong, if you want to get angry, don\’t hold it back.\” Getting angry does not mean yelling at the child, but Get angry appropriately and let them know that certain words and actions cross a boundary and are no longer allowed. A few days ago, a video like this went viral. While playing the game, a boy recharged more than 6,000 yuan in 10 minutes, and spent 10,000 to 20,000 yuan in a few days. When his father found out, he put his left hand on the boy\’s shoulder and slapped himself with his right hand: \”It doesn\’t matter if the business closes down. If you don\’t educate your children well, I\’m sorry to everyone.\” The anger was palpable, and the 9-year-old child also realized what he was from his irritable father. error. As Jin Xing said: \”Blind tolerance will make others unable to see your principles clearly; necessary anger will make people understand where your bottom line is.\” Sometimes, false tolerance is not as good as true temper. 1. Point out the child\’s problem and use \”I\” instead of \”you\” instead of reprimanding the child by saying \”You are too naughty\” or \”You are not allowed to watch TV anymore\”. Changing the subject of speech to \”I\” can make the child more happy. accept. Netizen @lemon once shared that as her children get older, they often \”rampage\” at home. The mother is helpless and collapses. She used to yell and compete with him when she loses her temper, but now she has changed her expression: \”You If I don\’t like it, it will cause me more trouble. How can you do it (give specific methods)?? Although saying this, the child may not be able to accept it every time, but in most cases, the result will satisfy the mother and the child. Also, if the children usually lose things, many parents will say: \”Why did you lose things again?\” I won’t buy it for you if I lose it again! \”Can be replaced with, \”I hope you can take care of your things so that you can take care of yourself in the future. \”When you lose your temper, use \”I\” instead of \”you\” to speak. Your emotions will be calmer and the effect of expression will be more significant. 2. Stop talking and avoid nagging. The most common scene in parent-child education is: When pointing out children\’s problems, once the training begins, it is difficult to stop. The mantra of parents is often: \”Did you hear what I said? \”Occasionally, they will go over old scores, pull and detail the children\’s faults, and forget the topic of the current conversation. The direct result of this is that when the children have a strong self-awareness, they will pretend to be obedient and then treat their parents The teaching \”goes in through the left ear and out through the right ear\” and the \”zero response\” in psychology means that parents\’ constant nagging will make children \”deaf\”. In fact, many things only need to be said once or twice. Children can understand by talking about things as they are. On the contrary, talking too much will have the opposite effect and make them confused about priorities. Therefore, nagging less and staying on top of everything is also a strategy. 3. Don\’t be sarcastic and hurt your children\’s self-esteem. He once talked about the way he educates Guo Qilin on a program: \”I just want to smash his self-esteem. After bullying him enough at home, he will not be bullied when he goes out. \” Therefore, Guo Qilin was often scolded in public and was forced by his father to write a letter of apology. He once said frankly: \”I am just a guest at home. \”Those sarcasm in the past often resulted in children being far away from their parents, as well as the trauma of having their self-esteem and self-confidence shattered. Therefore, after a child makes a mistake, you can seriously tell them what the problem is, or you can give them some advice. Children choose opportunities to make up for their mistakes and express your expectations for them, but do not escalate your anger to deny their personality. Parents with high emotional intelligence never control emotions, but manage them. When children correct their mistakes when they know they have done so, say \”It doesn\’t matter, your parents will stand behind you.\” You can also correct them in a timely manner when they are spoiled and arrogant: \”We love you very much, but we will not spoil you.\” \”Knowing how to give reasonably and not to give reasonably is the safest education.