There is an ability that your child must have in the future, but schools never teach it

If we seriously want our children to \”be themselves\”, we must first teach them to face this matter sincerely, that is, \”how you feel.\” Two days ago, I went to a friend\’s house for dinner, and my friend insisted that her daughter play me a piano piece she had just learned. I had to listen to piano music that I didn’t understand at all before I had eaten. Of course I wasn’t happy about it, so I said, “Let’s eat first. Listen to piano music and don’t rush the meal.” The baby was reluctant at first, but when she heard that there was support for this, she immediately expressed that she did not want to play the piano for the guests, probably because she understood that this weird aunt might not understand. We both looked at each other and smiled, feeling as if we had just reached a united front and met our comrades. But my friend was not happy: \”Hey, you kid, be good and stop being so rude.\” Who knows if \”being rude\” has nothing to do with \”whether you can play the piano or not\”, but we usually do it first. Swear before talking. Looking at the child\’s pitiful expression, I once again supported her: let\’s eat first and then talk after eating. Unexpectedly, my friend refuted me again: \”Be good and play quickly. You can\’t be so rude.\” Huh? ? ? It would be rude not to listen to piano music ~ I didn’t dare to refute this. When the baby saw that I was at a disadvantage, he finally sat down on the piano bench and played a song reluctantly. I also endured my hunger and pretended to understand and listened to the song obediently. Of course, as a guest, it is natural for you to praise something after listening to it, and pat your friend on the back and say that she is a good educator. Sure enough, my friend was very happy after hearing this, and immediately hugged the child lovingly and said, \”Well, he is so good and obedient! Mommy loves you the most!\” My hand that was picking up the vegetables shook unconsciously, and my friend noticed something. If it’s not right, then ask me what’s wrong. After we finished eating, when our children were watching cartoons and we were the only two sisters left, I told her: \”It\’s good if you say you love your children very much. Why do you put \”obedience\” in front of \”love\”?\” ? \”It\’s easy to say, weren\’t we praised like this when we were children?\” \”Then if the child doesn\’t obey, do you still love her?\” The friend was silent. Each of us has been used to hearing our parents praise us like this since we were young. We have long accepted that a so-called \”good child\” is a well-behaved child; and a good child is an obedient child. However, what did the child do to earn the praise of being \”obedient\”? Children are praised for being obedient by suppressing their own reluctance. All the children refused to go to the dentist because they were afraid, refused to eat vegetables because they hated it, and refused to perform in front of guests because they were shy. If they reluctantly suppress and hide their feelings of fear, disgust, and shyness at the time, they will be praised for being obedient and well-behaved, and will be considered a good child. Children who grow up being praised in this way are likely to feel that all these unpleasant feelings and emotions are embarrassing and troublesome in the future, and then become an adult who always wants to suppress these emotions – this It\’s not that you have high emotional intelligence, it\’s that you have wronged yourself. When we, as parents, can say to our children, \”I\’m really angry if you keep doing this\” or \”You\’ve already made me angry\”, we can make the parents admit that they have emotions, and they are very emotional. . And adults who are so emotional,What’s the next sentence to scold the child? It\’s \”Why are you so disobedient, kid!\” It means to blame the other person for being \”disobedient\”, which means \”I can have emotions, but you can\’t have them.\” This is a very mysterious thing. When sound waves encounter walls, they will produce echoes, and when light waves encounter obstacles, they will refract. Why do angry and abusive parents send out strong emotional waves, but require their children not to refute or refract, but to \”absorb\” these coming from them? What about the adults’ emotions? Oh, by the way, not only do children have to \”absorb\” their parents\’ emotions, but they also ask for their own emotions to be erased. That is, children originally have a reflex when they receive the emotions of our adults. Whether it is fear or anger, it may be expressed through crying or acting out, but at this time our parents will usually say: Why cry! What are you talking about? This kind of education is like telling children: Emotions are a privilege. Do you want to have your own emotions? Wait until you become an adult. When children grow up with this attitude, they will feel that they should not have emotions, and even if they do, they should hide them. Then wait until you can boss others around, then let your emotions fully vent. Or, once some children are treated like this by their parents, they will turn around and treat those who seem weaker than them or who serve them. This kind of cultivation turns emotions into a display of power. If you look at those people who yell at the service staff when they go to buy something or eat in a restaurant, I am afraid they have misunderstood the meaning of emotions. Thinking that whoever has power can have emotions. However, in the children\’s future lives, many people do not have a power relationship with the children, and there is no distinction between superiors and subordinates. How should we get along with each other between friends, lovers, colleagues, and classmates? Facing these equals, what should children do when they have emotions? How can we accept the other person’s emotions? These are all life problems that children are about to face or are currently facing. In Teacher Li Meng\’s \”Be Myself Youth Growth Camp\”, there is a strong emphasis on allowing children to fully understand and express their emotions, especially in specific relationships, such as between parents, classmates, and teachers. It provides targeted solutions on how to deal with emotions or conflicts. If we can help children take expression of emotions as a matter of course rather than as a privilege, then children will be able to incorporate emotions into their daily lives and live comfortably. Psychologist Goldman published a sensational book \”Emotional Intelligence\” more than 20 years ago, and the author wrote a special preface for the Chinese version. He emphasized in the preface that although parents in the Chinese-speaking world are very good at urging their children to do well in exams and get good grades, and to do well in company tasks and have a good job, in terms of upbringing, they very much ignore their children\’s ability to create their own lives. Even though more than twenty years have passed, the words of this book are still timeless. Our basic education teaches children how to deal with their minds, but forgets to teach them how to deal with their hearts. Fortunately, this is something we can practice with our children. Many mothers have also discovered that in the adult world, everyone obviously has this in mind.With all kinds of emotions, why do some people always remain calm and balanced, while others appear restless and confused? In fact, this is the power of self-growth. Some people are able to self-study and synchronize their physical and spiritual growth. In our personal growth camps, many veteran students have begun to gradually identify their emotions and learn how to get along with them through continuous practice. Some people think that since schools don’t teach and there are no exams, why bother with self-study? It’s too troublesome. In the end, just like people who haven’t learned addition, subtraction, multiplication and division when they see the classroom, they are dumbfounded and helpless at their complicated hearts. We will encounter emotions every second in our lives, but we will not encounter mathematics every second. In addition to teaching addition, subtraction, multiplication and division, schools also teach chemistry, physics, the internal organs of paramecium and the capital of Argentina, but no one teaches us to understand emotions. Emotional knowledge is not like the knowledge in school textbooks that will be thrown away after the exam. Instead, it will accumulate in our hearts and become the so-called wisdom. On the one hand, we advocate that children should learn to be themselves, and we adults should learn to find ourselves, but on the other hand, we are ignoring our own feelings and turning our backs on our own emotions. This is like kicking the scale while eating late-night snacks. He went to the corner and covered it with a towel, dreaming about gaining abdominal muscles and waistcoat lines. If we begin to learn to face our feelings and then be able to properly handle our emotions, our hearts can change step by step. Fortunately, it is not too late to start this matter at any stage of life. Through guidance and practice, you can gain something: you will become more and more able to settle your emotions, learn to care about important people, and learn to care about irrelevant people. People learn not to care. In other words, when your heart forms a calm lake, any drop of rain that is about to fall into your waters will not set off a stormy sea – only by accepting the existence of emotions and becoming the master of them will you not become an emotion inexplicably throughout your life. slave.