There is no need to raise your daughter as a boy, just raise her as a \”person\”

Two days ago, I took Ning Ning to play in the community and saw two five or six-year-old children climbing up and down the slide. The little boy climbed up the slide, jumped down with a bang, and then looked at the mother next to him triumphantly. This mother was probably used to this kind of scene, so she smiled and said, \”Be brave!\” The little girl next to her also wanted to do the same. She was learning to jump down, and as soon as she got into the pose, her mother on the other side quickly picked her up and said, \”How dangerous it is! For a girl, why are you jumping like this!\” The little girl looked aggrieved. They all did the same thing, so why did the boy get praise and she got scolded? This reminds me of a TED talk I watched. When raising girls, do we unconsciously apply too many labels? The video is 12 minutes and 35 seconds long. Please watch it in a wifi environment because I am a girl, so I dare not? The speaker was Reshma Saujan. She said that she had always done cautious things in her previous life until she was 33 years old when she mustered up the courage to participate in the election of a member of Congress. People around her thought she was crazy and thought she could never succeed. The final result was indeed a failure. But since then, she realized for the first time how important it is for girls to be brave enough to do things that they are not sure about. She shared a HP survey report: When men are looking for a job, if they meet 60% of the recruitment requirements, they will feel that they are fully qualified, while women must meet 100% of the requirements before they dare to apply. Why is this so? Think about it, whether it is the United States or China, when we raise girls, do we unconsciously reveal: they must look like a girl, smile without showing their teeth; they must be obedient and not play crazy everywhere; To marry a good family and live a stable life in the future… Just like the mother of the girl in our community, she subconsciously helps her daughter to avoid the risk of jumping. If she jumps, she will \”not be like a girl.\” Reshma Saujan said , such requirements have caused a large-scale \”bravery deficit\” among girls. That is to say, girls are more likely to be cautious when doing anything. Therefore, when we find that women are not as good as men in high-level corporate, government, and high-tech industries, besides complaining about gender discrimination, is it true that in the initial upbringing, we label our daughters not to be brave, but to be stable? Because she is a girl, life is like this, right? Something just happened around me. One of my college classmates has always been synonymous with excellence. When she was studying, she was a popular figure in the school. After working, she was confident and capable, and she quickly became the project director of a foreign company. Not long ago, she posted on WeChat Moments that she was officially resigning from the company and would spend half a year studying for the civil service exam. Everyone who knew her was shocked when they heard the news and didn\’t understand why she would give up such a good career to become an inconspicuous screw. Her response was: I know this is very low, but I am 31 years old. If I don’t get married, I will become an old woman just like my mother said! The prerequisite for her to get married is to satisfy her boyfriend\’s wish and become a civil servant.Po. Her boyfriend\’s original words were: \”I want to find a wife who has a stable job. When I come home, I can have a hot meal and hot dishes. When I come back from overtime work at night, there will be a light on for me. I think that is what it means.\” Home.\” But the school girl doesn\’t know how to cook, and sometimes works overtime until early in the morning, working even harder than this man. How to do it? In order not to become an old woman, she had to sacrifice her career. What she said at the end made me sigh with emotion, \”Actually, I don\’t have to be with him. It\’s just that at this age, I no longer have the energy to have a vigorous relationship. Two people can come together as long as they are suitable. My parents think he It\’s pretty good, and I think it\’s not bad, so let\’s live like this!\” I can\’t say that the school girl\’s choice is not a blessing, but I still feel it is a pity. If you are a 31-year-old man, you will probably feel that your life has just entered the best years, and there are endless possibilities. Even if you have nothing, just dare to fight. But for a woman who may be better, she has to choose a \”just life\”. When we teach our daughters from a young age that ladies should not take risks, learn to do housework, do well rather than marry well, and that the husband is the second reincarnation of life, we have already engraved \”the kind of life we ​​must live\” on our deep in their hearts. So, they actually have no choice! Because she\’s a girl, so she can\’t show off? In her TED talk, Reshma Saujani also told such a story. In a programming class, a girl asked the teacher for help very pitifully: \”Teacher, I can\’t write code.\” The teacher walked over and saw that her computer screen was blank, \”Did you just stare at it for the past 20 minutes? The screen is dazed?\” Actually, no, this girl\’s code was almost completed, but in order not to show the \”imperfect in her opinion\” code, the girl chose to clear it all. And I blame all the problems on my own abilities: I must be too stupid, I can\’t do anything well. It\’s really heartbreaking to see the girl\’s humble and cautious appearance! In life, we tell our daughters time and time again that girls should be modest and showy, not arrogant. When we tell others in front of our daughter, \”My girl is not as good as you praise her, she also has many problems.\” What the child receives is that no matter what I do, I cannot satisfy others, so how can I face new challenges? What about your confidence? A friend of mine who specializes in studying abroad said that many Chinese children, especially girls, fail to apply for schools even though they are very good, because they are too modest during interviews! He said that Chinese children, even though they have practiced piano to level 8, only tell the interviewer \”I am average at playing the piano\”, while foreign children dare to say \”I am very good at playing the piano\” even if they can play a little star. If you don\’t do your best, it would be embarrassing to show it to others; you are a girl, so you can\’t be too individual or showy. These subtle restrictions block too many opportunities that girls should have. Parents who raise girls, even if they cannot be a booster for their daughters, do not become a stumbling block in their lives. Don’t put so many labels on your children anymore, let alone tell them arrogantly: “No need to experience it, the salt I eat isMore rice than you eat, this is how the world treats women! \”Please give every girl space. They can play with dolls or be interested in cars; they can be good wives and mothers, or they can live a wonderful life alone. Only by allowing them to feel and experience various things freely can they have The breadth and depth of life, feel the meaning of life!