These 4 behaviors are destroying your parents’ sense of authority. No wonder your children don’t respect you.

Some time ago, a friend complained to me: It is difficult to communicate with her daughter now. As long as she speaks more than three sentences, her daughter will lose her temper. I don’t know if it is because of puberty. This phenomenon is actually very common, and it is also a headache for many parents: why are the children we have raised so hard not only ungrateful, but also have no respect for us? Where is the authority of parents? The authority Mian Ma talks about does not mean making children fear their parents, but trusting them. Children\’s trust in their parents is innate, which means that parents\’ sense of authority over their children is inherently present. So why do parents lose their sense of authority? It’s not the children’s fault, it’s the parents who use the following four behaviors to destroy their own sense of authority. 01丨Words and actions are not consistent. \”Words must be spoken, and actions must be resolute.\” This comes from \”The Analects of Confucius\”. Most of us have learned this when we were students, and parents educate their children in the same way. Many times, parents will scare their children in an attempt to make them obedient. For example, if a child cries, the parents will say: If you cry again, the police will take you away! As a result, the police didn\’t come. Or, parents will say: If you look at your phone again, you will go blind! But the child\’s eyes were not blind. Parents often say the harshest words to scare their children. When the children are young, this can indeed have a certain effect. When these words have no results, the children lose trust in their parents and think: Parents only know To scare me is to make a fuss out of a molehill! 02丨Breaking a promise: \”If you score more than 350 points in the exam this time, I will buy you a mobile phone!\” This is what a relative of mine said to his child. It turned out that the final exam question was very simple, and the child did score 50 points, but This score was at the bottom, so the relatives changed their minds and refused to buy a mobile phone for the child. As a result, the child cried at home for several days. Let’s not talk about whether the relative’s promise is reasonable or not. Since the child has promised it, it must be fulfilled. If it is just an empty promise and nothing is done later, the parents will certainly lose trust in front of the child. There are many situations like this, such as agreeing to go to the amusement park but then forgetting about it. We always feel that our children are small, we always feel that our children are our private property, and we can treat them how we want to treat them. We don’t take our children seriously. If things go on like this, our children will lose their trust in us. 03丨Change the rules \”Nothing can be done without rules.\” Many families have rules, such as stipulating that children can only watch TV for 30 minutes, or stipulating that children exercise for an hour every day. Since this rule has been established, you must abide by it with your child. You cannot just say that you are in a good mood today and want to watch your child act coquettishly for a while, so you allow it. I will be in a bad mood tomorrow and I will be scolded by the leader. The child will want to watch TV again after watching it, so he will be beaten and scolded. The result is that the rules you set are just decorations. Children cannot figure out the rules and can only act based on your face. When your children are young, they may be afraid of you. When they grow up and have the ability to resist, they will quarrel with you. 04丨Simple and rude, beating and scolding children. Some parents never reason with their children, thinking that they are the reason. They treat their children\’s education in a simple and rude manner, beating or scolding them. Power comes from the fist, but resistance also comes from it. I remember watching it some time agoI came across a video recorded by a boy who excelled in academics. He said: I found that the children in our class who were poor at academics were the ones who were scolded and beaten the most. Because they have not been valued or loved since childhood, when they grow up, in the eyes of these children, they will feel: It is not important, it does not matter, no one cares about me anyway! Either they become submissive and timid and have low self-esteem because of their parents\’ random beatings and scoldings, or they become rebellious and promiscuous because they don\’t care about their parents\’ attitudes. I like Long Yingtai\’s works very much. In her works, you can see her respect and patience for children. She never treats children as private property, will not beat or scold children at will, and will give children respect and love. The so-called father-daughter relationship is like this. The fate of decades will drift apart for the rest of our lives. But as parents, we have the obligation and responsibility to be responsible for our children. We bring them into the world, although we do not want our children to How outstanding and successful, but at least let the children learn to be independent and have the ability to support themselves.