These 9 effective communication skills are best when your kids are out of control

Have your children ever lost control of their emotions: when they fell in love with a certain toy and didn’t buy it, so they sat on the floor and cried loudly; when they watched cartoons on their iPads and started to get emotional and build building blocks after saying a few words; when they encountered difficulties, He just threw the parts on the ground and was robbed of toys by his classmates at school; he would go crazy and even hit others;… When a child loses control of his emotions, is there really no way to do it? Why do children lose control of their emotions? The English word for emotion is Emotion. One explanation is Emotion= Energy in Motion, that is, emotion is flowing energy. Managing emotions does not mean suppressing them, but rather giving them an outlet to let them flow. Children\’s understanding and expression of emotions are still at an ignorant stage. They yell, throw things, and lose their temper, all using direct actions to express their emotions. Emotions themselves, in fact, are of varying degrees of severity. If you compare it to an emotional thermometer, the higher the temperature, the higher the level, and the more intense the emotion. Different emotional levels have different body language signals. 0-60 degrees is mild mood swings, such as impatience, speaking out of breath, etc.; 60-90 degrees is moderate mood, with obvious anger, such as yelling, throwing things, slamming doors, and provoking Parents, etc.; 90-100 degrees, which is an extreme emotional outburst, is often accompanied by the child\’s hysterical screaming and crying, vicious words and curses, and even fists and kicks. If we can be one step ahead of bad tempers, detect the emotional temperature of children in time, and actively intervene before reaching the outbreak zone, then in many cases, we may be able to prevent children\’s emotions from developing out of control. How should parents deal with their children losing their temper? A very vivid theory in \”Positive Discipline\” – \”Palm Brain\”, clearly and simply demonstrates how the brain loses its rationality when emotions come. Our brain is like a fist, the thumb is the most terrifying emotional monster, and the other four fingers are the \”brain lid\”. When we are calm and put our thumbs into fists, the \”brain lid\” is closed and the emotional monster is locked inside. And when we lose our temper and have conflicts with others, the emotional switch is touched, and the \”brain lid\” is opened with four fingers, and the emotional monster appears instantly. Many times we think that by understanding and acknowledging our children\’s emotions, they will calm down. But simply identifying with the emotion is not enough. When the child\’s mood calms down, guide him to adjust his cognition and look at the things that cause him trouble from another perspective. For example: \”The toy was accidentally broken by a classmate, and you feel very angry. But you can\’t restore the toy to its original shape if you hit him. Let\’s think about it together and see if there is a better way, okay?\” Count 9 communication cases Adult children have high emotional intelligence. When children have a tantrum, their parents\’ words and deeds directly affect their children. The following different communication and handling methods are worth thinking about for all parents. Let’s take a look. 1. When a child loses his temper and throws things × “Stop throwing things!”√ “If you throw these toys, I will think you don’t like playing with them. Is something going on?? \”When a child loses his temper, the more parents say something, the more I don\’t want to do anything. It\’s better to talk to them from another angle and tell them, \”What are you doing? This behavior cannot express what you want to say.\” ″2. When a child gets angry and hits someone × “Try hitting someone again! \”√\”It\’s normal for you to be angry and angry, but it\’s not right to hit someone. \”We need to be clear: there is nothing wrong with emotions, but the way of expression is wrong. Hitting and kicking others to hurt others and yourself are not allowed, and venting your anger on other things is not the best way to resolve anger. . 3. When a child does something wrong and needs to be punished × “That’s enough, you stand over there and you can’t come out without my permission. ”√“We can find a place to calm down. \”This kind of timed punishment will only escalate the child\’s anger again. For the child, knowing what he has done wrong is more important than meaningless punishment. 4. When the child confronts his parents × \”Give it now I\’m going to brush my teeth/eat/sleep! \”√\”Do you want to brush the bunny\’s teeth first, or brush your own teeth first? \”For children, losing their temper is one of the ways they want to take the initiative. They lose their temper when they want to be independent. At this time, parents need to use some tricks to give their children a clever choice: Don\’t let them Choose to do it or not to do it, but choose when to do it or how to do it. 5. When the child cannot listen to you × \”I have told you so many times, have you listened? \”√\”I say it once, and then you repeat it in my ear quietly, so that I know whether you heard it or not. \”Speak at different volumes, and children will remember it because it is fun. Repeating it can also have a reinforcing effect. The louder you yell at them, the harder it is for them to listen. 6. When children are not interested in learning × “Don’t let your mind wander, stay focused. ”√“This is difficult, isn’t it? Then let\’s rest for 17 minutes and then come back. \”According to the formula of research on productivity, a 17-minute break is the best. The half-time break can help children withdraw from a stressful environment, concentrate and start over again. When children usually do homework, play the piano or practice, You can use this method to regain your attention. 7. When your child cries in public × “You are so embarrassed. \”√\”Let\’s find a place where no one is around to solve this matter. \”In this case, if you reprimand the children twice, things may get worse. Taking them away and finding a suitable place to resolve the matter will not only avoid further deterioration of the matter, but also have a better ending. . 8. When a child is being unreasonable × “You are being unreasonable. \”√\”You are feeling very uncomfortable now, let\’s face it together. \”Psychologist John Goldman shared a story in his book \”Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”: A 3-year-old daughter got angry because her mother was busy entertaining unexpected guests and had no time to play with herself. Doodling on the sofa. When I found out and asked her what was going on, she took the paintbrush and said, \”I don\’t know very well.\” \”Goldman was angry. He told his daughter that he was angry and disappointed because she chose to lie. He didn\’t understand her as usual.Instead, they cleaned the couch together and taught her about the importance of telling the truth. Finally, discuss today’s emotions and behavior with my daughter. John Goldman believes: \”If children have a strong emotional connection with their parents, when their parents are sad, disappointed, or angry, the children will feel so hard that they are willing to become a well-behaved child.\” 9. When children When I break down and cry × \”I am counting 321, please stop!\” √ \”If green represents calm, yellow represents frustration, and red represents anger. I am walking from the yellow room to the red room. What about you? You are now Which room are we in, and how can we get back to the green room?\” When we are angry, our bodies will have a stress response, making us feel insecure. In addition to accompanying their children, parents also need to give emotions a visual image and make elusive and abstract emotions concrete. This can help children manage their emotions more effectively. We first satisfy children\’s need for dependence on their parents before we can cultivate their independent character. To help children manage their emotions, you can refer to the following points: empathize and acknowledge your children\’s emotions; set boundaries and let children take responsibility for their own actions; guide them correctly and teach them how to manage their emotions. When a child is sad, angry, or scared, that is when he or she needs a parent the most. When we recognize our children\’s emotions, we are also teaching our children how to comfort themselves, an ability that will benefit them throughout their lives.