These behaviors of parents are raising a child with low self-esteem.

\”Why do children always tell me that they can\’t do it and don\’t dare to do it? Even if I say it\’s okay even if they fail, just go and try! But he won\’t move!\” \”Then I saw his timid look, and I felt like \”Get angry!\” \”Finally, I grabbed him by the collar and pulled him over! Regardless of whether he liked it or not, in that situation, I felt completely mad. I always felt that the parents in the class were watching. Looking at me, my face turned red! \”I don\’t like this feeling, I don\’t allow my children to do this!\” This is a mother\’s description of the activities in her son\’s class. When registering for the primary election, she thought Children who are \”not expressive\” are forced to sign up. Even though I had been working at home for a long time, I still gave up when I got there. See other children express themselves confidently and generously. Looking at my child with low self-esteem, I feel really anxious and angry. Why is this happening? Why do children fall into self-denial and show a strong sense of inferiority? Alfred Adler, the father of individual psychology, once said: “In the growth experience of children, there are many reasons for the feeling of inferiority: compared with adults, children are at a disadvantage in size and strength; Time, physical defects caused by disease or other reasons, differences in appearance and physique, competition between siblings, poverty, parents’ excessive expectations for their children…\” From here, we can see some answers. In fact, we can find out if we think about our own experiences or some of our children\’s behaviors. A few days ago, I took Xiao Xiaoyu to take pictures. He always dared not smile and pursed his mouth tightly because he did not want to show his teeth. Because the teeth are still changing, the two big front teeth, and there are no teeth on either side, look even bigger. I know this is not the main reason. Because he didn\’t brush his teeth seriously before, there were black spots on his teeth. Some classmates said that his teeth were black. In order to make him brush his teeth more seriously, we often mentioned it in front of him. And I like to joke, and sometimes I talk about little black teeth. So he was particularly concerned about dental problems. Now that he is whiter, he is happy, but he still cares about what others think of his teeth. Fortunately, he has not yet felt inferior because of his dental problems. But I know that I can\’t continue to make such jokes, but should avoid this kind of unconscious \”harm\”. Even if we don\’t mean to. 2 A mother left a message in the background and asked me: \”I am a mother of two children. One is darker and the other is fairer. People will say it when I go out. Children are more concerned about their blackness, but people often say it when I go out. How should I deal with it? Yes. What’s a good idea?” This scenario is also common for us. Outside, there are always many adults who like to compare children. \”Your child is so tall! You see, ours can\’t do that! He just doesn\’t grow. Alas…\” \”Look, this child is really white and has good skin. Did he inherit it from his mother or his father?\” \”That child\’s grades are Well, I always get high scores, but this one is just so-so.”… Some children seem to not care. And some children will have very strong reactions at that time. This is related to the child\’s inner sense of self-identity. If a child has a good opinion of himself and gets enough recognition and love from his parents. They don\’t care too much and will express their thoughts to their parents. If the child isOften denied by parents, it is also a case of low self-esteem. Such a comparison will deepen their negative evaluation. You will further deny yourself. So, to sum up, these behaviors are more likely to cause children to have low self-esteem. The first is comparison. Secondly, parents have too high expectations. The other is denial. In fact, these behaviors are related. You will find that many parents combine these behaviors together. We can feel it when we look at this situation. That time I took Xiao Xiaoyu to play in the mall. He wanted to play digging for fossils, so he played in that shop. Two girls came next to them and started playing, while their mother watched. After a while, my mother became anxious. \”If you want to dig like this, don\’t dig just a little bit. You can knock harder!\” \”Why can\’t you be more efficient? Mom has something to do when she gets home.\” A girl knocked hard and dug out a large piece. \”Look at how awesome my sister is!\” she said to another girl. \”Why are you so careful? You won\’t be bad. You are always so timid. You are still a sister!\” I saw this sister who was scolded by her mother pouting and listening to the criticism. And my sister has almost dug it out. Mom started talking about sister again. As we watched, we could see the mother comparing the two children, and denying the elder sister\’s \”caution\”, feeling that the bolder sister was more powerful. Mom must be expecting her elder sister to be more sensible and perform better than her younger sister. After all, she is the eldest! But these behaviors, if not paid attention to, will only cause my sister to have low self-esteem. I feel that I am not as recognized and liked by my mother as my sister. 3 What to do? It\’s much easier to solve the problem once you find the cause. The mother in the article who forced her children to participate in activities was actually comparing her children with those cheerful and lively classmates. I feel that my child is not as good as other children, so I want to push him. But if the child fails to do it, he will scold him angrily. Over time, children will doubt their abilities even more. It is recommended that parents discover their children\’s strengths, provide positive incentives, and find self-confidence. Every child has a shining point, please believe this. Children who don\’t like to express themselves or participate in activities may like to read and think. Maybe you like sports, or like small animals, and can take care of flowers and plants. These are all advantages! If you just blindly force children to do it, and then let them feel the blow and failure, they will only become more and more inferior. And the child who cares about his skin color will feel pressure because he is under the judgment of adults. Mothers can have a good talk with their children. In our world, there are people of all colors. tall, short, fat, thin, white or black are all normal. We should not point fingers at others, nor should we be afraid of other people\’s words. We don\’t need to pay too much attention to those kind jokes or adults\’ chats, just talk casually. Even if your skin is dark, your mother still loves you very much and thinks it\’s pretty good. With parents\’ encouragement and love, children\’s stress will be reduced a lot. 4 Every child may be troubled by low self-esteem when growing up. If they receive correct guidance and treatment, they can inspire children to take action and think about alleviating their inner inferiority complex. And this behavior is the process of pursuing superiority. Because psychologicallyFrom a scientific point of view, each of us has an \”inferiority complex.\” So don’t think that low self-esteem is a terrible thing. If it is handled properly, it can also inspire people to make progress. Adler also pointed out: In fact, each of us has varying degrees of inferiority complex, but this inferiority complex is because we all want to make ourselves better and live a better life. But not all people can get out of low self-esteem. Some people sink deeper and deeper into it, trapping themselves firmly. As long as you observe deeply, you will find that their childhoods are very similar, and the seeds have already been planted in their original families. However, if parents blindly attack their children, causing them to lose the courage to act and become self-defeating, they will often end up raising \”problem\” children. They will avoid studying, deliberately cause trouble, and gain some attention or other psychological satisfaction. When I grow up, I also escape from reality, don\’t want to work, and show that I don\’t believe that I can do something well, so I just do nothing and always hang around doing nothing. Every child has a self-evaluation chart inside him. From a very young age they start to rate themselves on what they do well and what they don\’t do well. What do people around me think of me, and what do I think of myself? The results of this evaluation are deeply affected by the behavior of parents.