These five critical stages are the manifestations of cultivating children with high emotional intelligence.

Emotional intelligence is a combination of self-awareness control, self-motivation, recognition of other people\’s emotions, and handling of relationships. Some research points out: Success = 20% IQ + 80% EQ. Some people believe that emotional intelligence is a product of innateness. People with high emotional intelligence are naturally optimistic and positive, while people with low emotional intelligence are born with low self-esteem, sensitivity, and irritability. actually not. High emotional intelligence has a lot to do with nurture. Many children with high emotional intelligence cannot do without the nourishment of a harmonious and healthy family tradition. In John Gottman\’s book \”Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”, he proposed three ways to cultivate emotional intelligence: Seize the five key periods of cultivating emotional intelligence 1. A small babble in infancy (about 3 months) Babies who learn to speak seem to be far away from the term \”emotional intelligence\”. In fact, when children are about three months old, they are already capable and like to communicate face-to-face with their parents. Therefore, this is a good time to develop your children’s emotional intelligence. At this time, parents can engage in some silent facial communication with their children, such as \”mutual imitation\”. When the child makes a certain expression, the parents also make the same expression; when the child unconsciously taps toys, etc., the parents Sounds of the same frequency can also be emitted. This will be very interesting and wonderful for children. In the book \”Cultivating Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”, it is mentioned: \”This kind of imitative dialogue is of great significance to children, because it makes children feel that their parents pay attention to them and respond to their feelings. For For babies, this is the first time they experience the feeling of being understood, and this is also the beginning of emotional communication.\” 2. Early childhood (1~3 years old) When children are at this age, they already have a clear understanding of self-concept, and began to try to use independent abilities. Therefore, if parents can give their children some simple choices depending on the situation, it will be of great benefit to their children\’s growth, such as: changing \”It\’s cold today, you must wear a coat\” to \”What do you want to wear today? A jacket or a sweater?\” Change \”You must take the medicine\” to \”Should mom feed you or take it by yourself?\” Change \”Go and eat some fruit quickly\” to \”Do you want to eat an apple or a banana?\” Use less imperative tone and more Choose a sentence structure that will allow children to enjoy the joy of having autonomy, and at the same time shift the focus of the problem so that they will accept suggestions more happily. However, not only in early childhood, but no matter what stage of development a child is at, it is essential to see things from their perspective. The most important task for young children during this period is to become an independent individual. Therefore, it is important to avoid making them feel helpless and restrained. This will go a long way in cultivating their independent opinions. 3. Early childhood (4~7 years old) Children in early childhood have begun to have some emotions, such as being happy when seeing beautiful toys, being sad when having conflicts with children, being scared when watching horror movies, etc. Therefore, it is crucial for children during this period to have the ability to regulate their emotions and regulate their own behavior. And these are inseparable from the cultivation of friendship. By getting along with friends, children can understand themselves more clearly and master the basic ability to distinguish right from wrong and make judgments. Therefore, children will also become accustomed to communicating, sharing, and understanding other people\’s feelings and needs.Therefore, parents should not restrict their children\’s interactions with their partners because of worries, but should respect their children\’s friendships and let them get to know more partners, so that they can expand their communication and lay a solid foundation for the cultivation of future emotional intelligence. 4. Adolescence (8~12 years old) When children are in adolescence, their cognitive abilities gradually develop. After they have been in a group for a long time, they will naturally understand what kind of people are easily welcomed by everyone, and they will gradually realize their emotional intelligence. importance. They will do their best to win respect in the group, work hard to integrate into the group, and avoid being isolated by others. As stated in \”Raising Children with High Emotional Intelligence\”: As your child feels more and more influenced by his peers, you will find that he will do whatever it takes to avoid being embarrassed in front of his peers… They will Try to avoid drawing attention to themselves, especially if they fear their image or behavior will lead to criticism or ridicule. Therefore, when children complain that they are excluded or treated unfairly, parents should take them to watch a movie or listen to some music to ease their emotions, and then calmly discuss with them how to establish and maintain relationships with their partners. friendship. When children want to imitate how others dress and envy others for having nice toys, don’t ignore their “herd mentality” and don’t try to change their wishes. Because this is the performance of children\’s efforts to integrate into the group. 5. Adolescence (13-17 years old) Adolescence is the period of most rapid and obvious physical and mental changes for teenagers. During adolescence, due to changes in hormonal levels, their emotions sometimes lose control, have ups and downs, and even develop rebellious psychology. The balance between rationality and sensibility has become the biggest problem for adolescent children. Counselor Michael Rivera once said: Before your child\’s adolescence, you play the role of a \’manager\’ in your child\’s life: arranging schedules, planning weekend activities, guiding him to complete homework… But by adolescence, this Nothing applies anymore. Therefore, you must re-strategize and plan, change your role, become a \”consultant\”, and get back on the job. The transition from \”manager\” to \”consultant\” is the transition from a decision-maker to a counselor. Encourage children to make independent decisions, be their emotional mentors, let them take charge of their own autonomy, and understand some of their irrational behaviors. Listen empathetically to their problems, and be their most trusted ally when they come to you for help. Pay attention to children\’s \”emotional management\” Once, a neighbor\’s child came to me crying and said that when she and her mother were going to the mall, they fell in love with a Barbie doll and happily asked her mother to buy it, but her mother said nothing and wouldn\’t buy it for her. . He also reprimanded her in front of the salesperson and other customers. Seeing her crying so hard, I asked her: \”Are you sad because you didn\’t buy a Barbie doll?\” She wiped her tears and mumbled and replied: \”Actually, I have a lot of toys at home. It doesn\’t matter if I don\’t buy them. But there were so many people in the mall, and my mother scolded me loudly, which made me feel embarrassed.\” It can be seen that compared to their favorite toys, children pay more attention to the spiritual care and attention given by their parents.The harmony of the atmosphere when dealing with each other. Sometimes they are sad not because their material needs are not met, but because of the power and momentum exerted by their parents. Accusations in public, indiscriminate denial, and control of children\’s free will will all cause them to have a closed mind. Parents who ignore their children\’s feelings and emotions will make it difficult for their children to control their emotions when they grow up. As time goes by, your child will become less and less willing to communicate with you. When you ask \”How are you at school?\”, you are afraid that the grievance and unhappiness you originally held in your heart will become the basis for you to accuse him, so you can only respond perfunctorily with \”Not bad.\” Paying attention to children\’s emotional management is much more meaningful than paying attention to \”what they ate today\”, \”how many points they scored on the test\”, etc. To pay attention to children\’s emotions, we must improve the ability to \”empathize\”, which is the so-called empathy. In a simple sense, empathy is the ability to put yourself in a child\’s shoes and respond accordingly. Empathy allows children to regard their parents as friends they can trust and confide in, rather than as indifferent bystanders. Empathic parents, when they see their child crying, imagine that they are the child and understand his pain. When a child yells or stamps his feet angrily, he will also put himself in the child\’s shoes to understand his dissatisfaction and annoyance. \”Cultivating Children with High Emotional Intelligence\” says this: In the process of communicating with children, if we can pass on this intimate and emotional understanding to them, it means that we recognize their experiences and lead them to learn Comfort yourself. This technique allows us to be in the same boat with our children. No matter whether there are rapids or rocks ahead, we can witness together and guide our children on the right track. Having high emotional intelligence means controlling your emotions well. Therefore, cultivating children\’s emotional intelligence begins with managing children\’s emotions. Improve father\’s \”involvement\” Psychologists have long discovered that in the process of raising children, the degree of father\’s involvement is crucial. The father\’s participation plays a very critical role in the cultivation of children\’s emotional intelligence. The way a father gets along with his children is very different from that of a mother. There are some ways that a father can influence his children that a mother cannot. Their participation in children\’s lives allows children to develop towards different goals and has unique competitiveness, especially in terms of social relationships, academic performance and life development. Ivanka Trump was once rated as “the richest female born in the 1980s” by Forbes. Although she was born in an extraordinary family, she has no princess disease at all. He could obviously rely on his reputation to make a living, but with his excellent grades and strong strength, he broke into a new world in the business world. Not only did she help her father in real estate, she also created her own brand. Some people question her true ability and believe that her brilliant achievements are inseparable from her father Trump. But Ivanka said: \”If I don\’t do a good job, my dad will fire me.\” She admitted that her life is a \”home run\”. She usually sleeps for four hours, gets up before dawn to run, and after finishing her run, she When she started working, she learned these highly self-disciplined habits from her father. Despite his wealth, Trump raised his children when they were youngWhen children are young, they should pay attention to cultivating their sense of independence. For example: usually only living expenses and education expenses are provided, and even the phone bills have to be paid by the children themselves; when flying, they only buy economy class for their daughters and tell her that if they want to upgrade to business class, They have to buy their own cabin; after graduating from college, let them go out into the world on their own instead of directly entering the family business. Talking about her father\’s influence on herself, Ivanka said this: My father was very bold in doing things, so he was able to start a large company. I spent a long time observing how he worked, and then I founded my own company. To be a good leader, if you have seen how my father inspired employees to fight, you will be motivated yourself. According to research, boys who lack the care of their fathers find it difficult to balance masculinity and self-control; while girls who are accompanied and supported by their fathers have greater potential for academic and career development, and will have healthier interpersonal relationships and love relationships. relation. As the saying goes, \”Like father, like son\”, the state of a child is often a mirror of the father\’s character. Children with a bright, healthy, and sunny mentality often have fathers who are optimistic and open-minded; while children with poor interpersonal relationships and dark psychology often have fathers who are indifferent, strong, or selfish. Therefore, in children’s education, we should increase father’s participation and let fathers care more about their children. Children can learn perseverance, courage, stress resistance and responsibility from their fathers, and these are the cornerstones of future career development. They are also important components of emotional intelligence. People with high emotional intelligence like to interact with them and can always gain support from many people. Parents should start cultivating children\’s emotional intelligence from childhood, so as to lay a good foundation for their children to enter society in the future. The sooner you develop emotional intelligence, the better. Grasping the five critical periods of developing children\’s emotional intelligence, paying attention to children\’s emotional management, and improving father\’s participation are all good starts for cultivating children\’s emotional intelligence.