These three behaviors in children are signs of low self-esteem. It’s not too late for parents to pay attention to them now.

I have seen such a video online. During the Children\’s Day art performance, a little boy stood in the C position and sang with all his heart. His confident and generous appearance infected countless people. Some netizens commented: \”I am so envious of such confident children. They are not shy, enjoy themselves, and devote themselves wholeheartedly to being themselves.\” I believe that many parents hope that their children will be confident, generous, and generous, no matter how they speak or behave. Calm and calm; on the other hand, those children with low self-esteem are burdened with heavy psychological baggage and live cautiously, fearing to make mistakes. There was once a very popular question on Zhihu: \”What will a child with low self-esteem look like when he grows up?\” Under the question, many netizens detailed the characteristics of children with low self-esteem: they speak in a low voice and dare not look at other people\’s faces. Face. Never or rarely reject others. Whatever I do, I will subconsciously refer to other people\’s opinions; I always deny my own opinions in my heart and constantly refute myself; one of the netizens\’ answer made people feel particularly distressed across the screen: \”How can someone like me? Even me They don’t even like themselves!” If your child has the following three behaviors, it means that the child has low self-esteem, and parents must pay attention to it! 01 If a child has the following three behaviors, it is a sign of low self-esteem! 01 Overly concerned about other people’s evaluations. In parents’ daily life, some unconscious words can become the trigger for some children’s low self-esteem. For example, the following common sayings: If you can\’t even do a small thing well, what else can you do in the future! You are so timid, I really admire you. Look at what other people are doing and learn from them. Parents\’ verbal attacks hit their children\’s immature hearts again and again, making them more cautious and afraid to try. I have seen such a true story. A girl got full marks in every exam, but she didn\’t dare to raise her hand to answer questions in class. The teacher was very surprised and asked her: \”Why don\’t you raise your hands to answer questions in class?\” The girl said: \”I am afraid that I will make a mistake and the teacher and classmates will laugh at me.\” Afterwards, after the teacher reported the child\’s situation to the girl\’s mother, the mother slapped the girl on her face. He scolded her and accused her: \”I can\’t do anything well. What can I do when I grow up?\” This mother\’s critical words made the originally excellent child become less and less confident and her inferiority complex became more and more serious. . She is even more worried about being ridiculed and criticized by others when she makes mistakes. For a child with low self-esteem, a look or an unintentional comment from others can make him or her mood fluctuate and make him sad for a long time. Children who have been verbally assaulted by their parents for a long time become introverted, have low self-esteem, and lack self-confidence, which not only affects the child\’s personality, behavior, and psychology, but also affects the child\’s lifelong happiness. 02 Unable to accept failure and excessive pursuit of praise. \”The Courage to Be Disliked\” said: \”If someone is arrogant, it must be because he has an inferiority complex.\” There is a kind of inferiority complex, which is a child who has a strong competitive spirit and cannot accept his own inferiority complex. If you fail, you subconsciously think that if you lose, you will not be recognized by the people around you. Behind the competitiveness is children\’s love for comparison, and low self-esteem often stems from comparison. Such children often live a very tiring life. The generation of this kind of inferiority complex is closely related to parents’ improper praise methods. a lot ofSometimes, when a child wins, many parents will praise him: \”You are awesome!\” \”You are so smart!\” \”You are so awesome!\” Too many such compliments will give children an illusion and prevent them from seeing themselves correctly. ability. The next time a child encounters difficulties and realizes that he is not as \”powerful\” as his parents said, he will not be able to accept his failure, and frustration will arise spontaneously. Some parents always emphasize \”success\” to their children: how good it is to be first in the exam, what rewards are there for winning the competition, and how good it is to do better than others in the exam… But when their children lose, few parents tell their children what should be done. How to deal with failure. Such children will be in fear of losing their parents\’ encouragement and worry that they will not be loved by their parents. The seeds of low self-esteem will also begin to take root deep in the children\’s hearts. 03 Often say \”I can\’t do it, I don\’t dare\”. Many parents like to use \”other people\’s children\” to stimulate their children\’s ambition and expect their children to become better. As everyone knows, this way of \”setting an example\” will cause children to become frustrated and develop an inferiority complex because they cannot meet their parents\’ requirements. The seeds of inferiority are planted by parents in their children through unintentional comparisons. If a child has a low opinion of himself and often says \”I dare not, I can\’t\” when facing difficulties or challenges, it may be a sign of low self-esteem, and parents must pay attention to it. Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward wrote in \”The Toxic Parent\”: \”No child is willing to admit that he is worse than others. They want to be affirmed by adults, and their understanding of themselves often comes from the evaluation of adults. . Parents’ attacks and comparisons are like time bombs, destroying children’s self-confidence again and again, causing children to fall into a whirlpool of negative emotions. Long-term emotional suppression is not conducive to cultivating children’s emotional regulation ability, and will also affect children. Academic performance and future personality development. Brain scientists have found that emotional suppression is a process that consumes mental energy such as attention. Emotional suppression can make the human brain reach a saturated state in an instant, and there is no more energy and space to do it. Things related to learning. Suppressed emotions will invisibly destroy children’s attention. Research by Robert Desmond, a neuroscientist at the Massachusetts Institute of Technology in the United States, found that the prefrontal cortex controls attention. When these neurons release signals together, they will form a gamma wave whose signal fluctuates up and down like a sinusoidal curve due to resonance. At this time, people can actively choose the direction of attention in the brain. The circuit is composed of brain areas such as the prefrontal cortex and parietal cortex. To maintain concentration, the activity of the prefrontal cortex is very important. If the prefrontal cortex is underactive, the child\’s concentration will be easily influenced by external stimuli, and the child will be easily distracted. The mind wanders and is tired of responding to one stimulus after another. To improve children\’s concentration level, parents can start by training the prefrontal lobe of the brain, using a multi-point training method to train us more comprehensively and accurately. of the brain, strengthen the connection between the prefrontal cortex and the neural network, and increase the activity of the prefrontal cortex through EEG biofeedback training.Electrical biofeedback technology can activate the brain\’s neural network, allowing children to reasonably release dopamine during tasks, affecting brain metabolism and neuroelectrophysiological activities, promoting the reconstruction of the central nervous network, and regulating the secretion levels of various transmitters and brain functional networks. 02How to cultivate confident and outstanding children? When parents discover signs of inferiority emitted by their children, if they do not provide timely and correct guidance, the children will become more and more withdrawn, which will have a very negative impact on their studies and life. The book \”The Awakening of Confidence\” introduces 3 habits to cultivate children\’s self-confidence and shares them with all parents. 01 Use \”present tense\” instead of \”future tense\” to affirm your children aged 6-12. The focus of life gradually shifts from family to school and groups. Children of this age are very concerned about the recognition of classmates, teachers, and peers. At this stage, if the child builds self-confidence, it will help the child\’s academic and interpersonal communication. On the contrary, children will doubt their abilities, lose self-confidence, and become sensitive and inferior. When a child shrinks from a challenge, he or she may be tempted to give up and try again “in the future.” Parents can encourage their children like this: \”I can try it now, I am brave now, I am excellent now!\” By encouraging themselves with \”present tense\”, children will gain courage and make themselves stronger now. A survey once showed that the proportion of children who are often encouraged and comforted by their parents, when they encounter something they cannot do, will try to find a way to try it on their own is as high as 85%, which is significantly higher than that of children who are rarely encouraged and comforted. 02 Give your children more positive psychological hints. The famous \”Rosenthal effect\” points out: \”If you give others a certain expectation, the other person will unknowingly accept your influence and make this expectation come true.\” In daily life, parents should give their children more positive psychological hints so that they can work hard in this direction. Mom noticed that you were very serious about your homework just now, working harder than yesterday. I found that you wrote a few words very neatly today. Mom is so happy. Your room was really clean today and the quilt was neatly folded. It\’s even better than yesterday. A child who is often encouraged, affirmed, and receives positive cues will become more and more confident and continue to develop his or her maximum potential. British psychologist Hadfield once said: \”When people are confident, they can develop more than 500% of their potential, while people with low self-esteem can only develop 30% of their abilities.\” 03 Cultivating children\’s growth mindset Research results on fifth grade primary school students show that children who are praised for their efforts are more willing to learn than those who are praised for their achievements. Even if they fail in an exam, children who are praised for their efforts are more able to face difficulties bravely. Of course, this has a lot to do with the way parents usually praise their children. When a child makes progress in doing things or performs well, parents may wish to praise him from the heart, objectively and concretely for his seriousness and hard work. When children encounter setbacks, it is crucial for parents to help their children make reasonable attributions and cultivate their children\’s growth mindset. Effective praise is an affirmation of the child\’s hard work, as well as some inner qualities, such as seriousness, carefulness, persistence, optimism, courage, and positivity.etc. Under the guidance of parents, children develop a growth mindset. Even if they encounter difficulties, they will continue to maintain the motivation to move forward and find ways to change the status quo. Instead of feeling sorry for yourself and others, you feel that your abilities are destined and cannot be changed. There is a saying in \”Human Weaknesses\”: \”People are born to like to be encouraged. Treating children with this kind of education can allow children to grow up in a relaxed and pleasant atmosphere, gain confidence, and become better.\” On the road to parenting. , when parents master the correct method of educating their children, the education process will be more effective with half the effort. Let’s encourage all parents!