These three behaviors of yours can easily raise unstable children with low self-esteem.

\”Even if I kill my critics, I still feel criticized.\” There is such a very vivid story in the book \”Self-Esteem\”. Sheila, a 29-year-old girl, said she needs a lot of energy to face her critics. It seems that there are many critics around her, making her feel that she is very bad, that everything she does is a mess, and that she does not deserve to have good things at all. Worse, she realized that the critics\’ voices came from a feeling rather than a real person. \”Even if I strangle my critics, if I root them out, I\’m sure this feeling of self-hatred will still be there.\” What a vivid example. The educational effect of 103 kinds of games for young children: American student games and quality training manual to cultivate children\’s cooperation, self-esteem, communication, and emotional intelligence PDF Our self-denial and self-attack do not come from certain people, but from our feelings. Imagine that even if those people were actually dead, we would still have self-doubt. Sheila\’s feelings stem from her alcoholic mother, and she has needed to take care of her mother\’s feelings since she was 3 years old. She must please her mother, compliment her mother on her beauty, and comb her mother\’s hair, otherwise she will suffer. If she has her own ideas, wants to go out to play, or doesn\’t want to listen to her mother\’s orders, her mother will get angry and scold her for being selfish, or even ignore her for a whole day. Sheila\’s feeling of being inferior was caused by countless painful exchanges with her mother and the accumulation of suppression over time. The feeling of “I firmly believe that I am terrible and that I will never be satisfied with myself” is like having a critic living in our brains. We will also use a ruler in our hearts to talk to critics. Some people have a soft ruler and will agree with the critic, \”You are right, I am so unbearable.\” Others have a hard ruler and will refute the critic, \”You are right.\” That’s not right, I’m obviously great.” This ruler for dialogue with critics can be called self-esteem. The book \”Just the Right Self-Esteem\” defines self-esteem this way: Self-esteem is how we see ourselves and whether we like ourselves in our eyes. A child who believes that he is good enough and is loved dares to refute criticism. A child who does not trust himself to be loved will identify with the critical voice. Children with low self-esteem look at themselves in a negative light throughout their lives and always live in the evaluation of others. They have a low sense of security and find it difficult to face life positively. Children\’s self-esteem levels are related to the first critical voices they hear, which are often related to some of their parents\’ behaviors. Different levels of self-esteem have different self-evaluations. Teacher Wu Zhihong once told a story about a little boy that made him awe-inspiring. In an event with the children of Project Hope, there was a performance session in the evening. A little boy was singing off-key all the time, basically causing the whole room to burst into laughter as soon as he opened his mouth. Although everyone was laughing, the boy still sang the whole song firmly, with determination and confidence on his face. As he sang, no one laughed, and everyone was full of admiration for him. After singing the song, the boy received thunderous applause. Everyone respects him not because of his singing, but because of his strong self-esteem and firm self-confidence. Children with high self-esteem have a strong selfYes, when they face the voices of critics, after thinking about it, they will reflect on whether it is their fault or the fault of others, and then they can quickly continue to determine themselves. Children with low self-esteem are weak at heart. When faced with the voice of critics, they will echo that voice: Yes, I am that bad, I just don’t deserve to be loved, and I deserve to be disliked. For example, if the teacher scolds him in front of the whole class, a child with low self-esteem will feel like crawling into a crack in the ground, feeling like a joke, and may even find it difficult to get over that incident for many days. Children with high self-esteem may, after a short period of loss, think about how much of the teacher\’s words are true and how much are emotional, and then learn lessons and live a positive life. He will not feel that he cannot hold his head high because of this, or that his classmates and teachers will look down on him. In the face of frustration, children with high self-esteem react as follows: the feeling of loss is fleeting; when being denied, they will not give in easily and may even defend themselves; they do not care about others\’ negative evaluations; they do not make excuses for their own frustrations; Don\’t think that you will be abandoned because of failure. Similarly, when faced with setbacks, children with low self-esteem will react by: chewing on negative emotions for a long time; paying special attention to others\’ negative comments; making excuses for themselves after failure; thinking that those who are better than themselves will not fail; frustration will make them feel If you are not loved, you will be abandoned. These three behaviors of parents are hurting children\’s self-esteem. Self-esteem is made up of three major components: self-confidence, self-view and self-love. Self-confidence refers to belief in one\’s own ability to perform, self-view is a person\’s view of himself, and self-love is a person\’s unconditional acceptance of himself. Children with low self-esteem often have none of these three aspects confirmed. Deep down, we all have moments of self-doubt. People with low self-esteem will infinitely expand this self-doubt, and gradually replace the inner positivity and sunshine with helplessness and negativity. People with high self-esteem will trust themselves more, believe that they are good enough, and have more power to rise again. The difference between the two often lies in the self-evaluation soil established by parents for their children since childhood. These three behaviors of parents will lower their children\’s self-esteem and make them unsure of their own value. First, children who have not been validated by their parents do not dare to validate themselves. Parents are like a mirror. Children can confirm their own good or bad from their parents\’ expressions and behaviors. If parents\’ denial, blow, and dislike make children feel bad about themselves, they will confirm that they are \”bad\” themselves. It must be because you are not good enough that you are attacked and humiliated by your parents. When parents cannot let their children feel their self-worth, their children\’s self-esteem levels are low, and it is difficult for them to see their own sunshine and strength. Second, parents’ emotional neglect makes children feel ashamed. When children are young, they hope that their reactions will attract the attention of their parents. They hope that someone will comfort them when they cry, and they hope that someone will nurse them when they are hungry. However, if parents do not meet these emotional needs of the child, the child will experience a sense of shame. The meaning of this shame is – I could have called my parents, but my parents ignored me. I am so bad. This is really shameful. This sense of shame can make a child self-loathingEvil, self-attack, lowering one\’s own evaluation, that is, lowering one\’s self-esteem level. Third, parents take care of everything and children cannot feel their abilities. The perception of one\’s own abilities is an important component of self-esteem. If children grow up without ever having their “abilities” confirmed, it will be difficult for them to build high self-esteem. Children who have not developed self-confidence are cautious, hesitant, and give up easily. In general, the nourishment of self-esteem = feeling loved + feeling capable. If parents cannot make their children feel loved and capable, it will be difficult for them to water and fertilize their own self-esteem. A happy life requires proper self-esteem. Self-esteem is a double-edged sword. Sometimes, the voice of criticism can make people progress, and sometimes, the voice of criticism can make people unable to recover. Children with low self-esteem may have characteristics that our traditional culture considers excellent: modesty, pleaseability, and introspection. Of course, although children with high self-esteem have a strong ability to resist frustration, they are likely to be unable to listen to other people\’s suggestions and lack the spirit of introspection. We should let our children have appropriate self-esteem. If it is difficult to figure out the middle level, then we should try our best to build high self-esteem for our children. After all, our environment is one of criticism and humility. It is a very rare quality for a person to believe in himself and have a firm understanding of himself. According to research, the formation of children\’s self-esteem is related to the following five aspects. We can focus on these points: Appearance – whether my appearance is popular; athletic ability – am I strong in athletic ability and can I protect myself? Popularity – Am I popular among my peers and do I have many friends? Is my behavior regulated? Do I follow social norms? Am I a polite and self-disciplined child? Academic Performance – Are my academic performance satisfactory? A child\’s self-esteem level directly determines his understanding of himself, whether he can be happy and whether he can accept himself. No one can define the success of education, but what we can all be sure of is that a child who is confident, sunny, dares to love himself, and has a strong heart is more able to feel happiness and joy. What really makes us feel bad is not the specific person, but our own feelings. Let’s not be that girl who “Kills the critic and I still feel criticized”, let’s be that little boy who dares to sing firmly in the face of ridicule.