These three child-training sentence patterns are really poisonous! Once the summer vacation comes, the coffin board won’t hold up anymore.

Today is the day of the CC final exam. I looked at it, should we be considered late, right? Many sisters have already brought their babies on the road. It is said that the current scenic spot has been occupied by primary and secondary school students and their resentful parents. Last week, my aunt and I went to Shanghai for a business trip, and we felt that there were significantly more excited children and irritable middle-aged mothers around us. I watched several on-site child training sessions on trains, high-speed rail stations, hotel front desks, and scenic spots. I was deeply touched and couldn’t help but say to my sisters: Bear, I know you want to train, but don’t be in a hurry. training. 😂There are three kinds of reprimands. Although they relieve anger, they are too hurtful. 1 Being criticized in public As a mother of two children, I know very well that if I couldn’t bear to go out during the summer vacation, I might not be so angry. Once you take your baby on a trip, you are basically a humble parent and start a hellish copy of parenting. Children are really a magical species, weak and full of tormenting energy. Those problems that you think are not problems will become big problems in minutes as soon as you step out of the house. But being criticized in public is really scary. A post-00s friend shared her experience: In the sixth grade of elementary school, her mother took her to a wedding. During the banquet, there was a dish she particularly liked to eat, but she couldn\’t reach it, so she stood up to pick it up. When she stood up to pinch her for the second time, her mother suddenly scolded her loudly, \”Why are you so unruly, you greedy girl!\” Since then, she has never attended any gatherings with her mother. No matter what my mother tried to persuade me, it was of no use. Shame is truly one of the most secretive human emotions. Once it\’s on your back, it\’s very difficult to get rid of, and it may even become a lifelong shadow. When a child makes a mistake, the most taboo thing is to be criticized in public. It is like \”peeling off\” the child\’s coat and making him \”run naked\” in front of everyone with shame, embarrassment and embarrassment. His first reaction is to escape from this embarrassing situation. No matter how reasonable you are, he won\’t listen and won\’t change it. Many people think, what does a little kid know? The fairy tale king Zheng Yuanjie mentioned in \”How to Destroy Your Child\”: If you want to completely destroy a child, the ultimate method is to humiliate him, belittle him, and make him feel ashamed in front of outsiders (classmates/relatives and friends/neighbors). From around the age of two, children begin to develop an awareness of the need to be respected. At the age of 4-6, it enters a sensitive period and produces a very strong sense of self-esteem. Remember the kid who was slapped by his mother in front of the whole class and teacher? Two minutes later, the boy hesitated and jumped from the fifth floor. Are those two painful slaps? No, it\’s the shame that has nowhere to hide. The ancients said that \”teaching children behind closed doors\” means teaching children in front of outsiders. Even if you set rules and make children lose their dignity, it is not worth the gain. Therefore, in front of outsiders, I rarely reprimand CC&DD in public. Either endure it for now, write it down in a small notebook, and then settle the accounts carefully when you get home. Either take the child to a place alone, work one-on-one, and then put the child back after discipline. Even sometimes at home, if there are elders around, I will take him to the bedroom alone to discipline him. Give your children some self-esteem and avoid anyone holding you back. 2. When you go out and criticize mistakes, accidents will come sooner than planned. Many parents get nervous when they go out, fearing that their children will be out of control and challenge public order.Good customs, disturbing others, and even more afraid that the baby will be over-excited and accidentally hurt himself. Therefore, the frequency of criticizing children has also greatly increased. When my aunt and I were having dinner, we met a family. During the meal, I kept hearing their mother say: Don’t scoop that soup, or I’ll burn you! Can you please be silent while eating? It\’s like a pig robbing its food. Don\’t run in the hall or hit anyone again! Could you be more honest and stop moving around? If nothing else, the child didn\’t listen at all. Because in many cases, our criticism is equivalent to \”reminding\” our children. Daniel Wegener, a social psychologist at Harvard University in the United States, once conducted an experiment in which participants were asked to imagine anything in their minds except a white bear. As a result, the participants\’ thinking rebounded strongly, and soon a white bear appeared in their minds. This is the famous \”rebound experiment\”. It tells us that many times, the more you emphasize something you don’t want your child to do, the more it will occupy the child’s brain. Our picking of \”wrongs\” is equivalent to repeatedly presenting \”wrongs\” in children\’s minds. What should I do? Point out mistakes less and give more positive instructions to children to serve the soup themselves. Instead of saying: \”Don\’t spill it,\” say: \”Steady and pour it slowly.\” The child wanders around at the high-speed rail station and cannot catch up with people. Instead of saying: \” Stop running around. If I run around again, I’ll beat you up.\” It is better to say: \”Hold me tight and walk slowly, I\’m afraid you will get lost.\” At the same time, see more of what your children have done well and use positive feedback to consolidate good behavior. \”You\’ve been waiting for us at the table. You\’ve done a great job.\” \”You\’ve been quiet and quiet along the way. It seems like you\’re a decent and civilized passenger.\” 3 Emotional venting criticism for this point, whether it\’s taking care of a baby Whether you go out or stay at home, as long as you have close contact with your children for a long time, you can\’t help but commit it. If a child steals something or intentionally hurts others, of course we can get very angry. But many times, children just pester you to play after get off work. They don’t want to eat that day, eat an extra snack, write some new words incorrectly, miss a set of papers, lose a few toys, jump on the sofa a few times… Think about it carefully Think about it, it’s not a big deal. But we also lose our temper and scold our children harshly. He just wanted to play with his mother for a while, but what came out of our mouths turned into \”Why are you so selfish? Mom is also very tired, so you can\’t play by yourself for a while.\” He just doesn\’t like to eat vegetables, so he just said, \”Just be picky about food. You will feel uncomfortable if you are not in good health, and you deserve to be sick.\” She just didn\’t collect the toys in time, so she became like \”Your room has become a pig\’s nest. You\’re a big girl, can you stop being so sloppy?\” From morning to night, everything is micromanaged and densely packed, and children are under inexplicable pressure. The temper we lose does not match this little thing at all, and this becomes the biggest internal friction in parenting. Consuming ourselves: We are like an annoying disciplinary committee, staring at the children\’s problems and shortcomings all the time. And he immediately became angry about it, and his whole body felt tense and unhappy. Consuming children: Children are the receivers of parents’ emotions. If parents always consume their children endlessly on small things, they will feel nervous all the time and timid in doing things. Those who are good at it are afraid of screwing up, and those who are not good at it dare not try. Don\’t dare to play too high and mess up the room too muchI was so confused that I didn\’t dare to lie down completely and enjoy my salty time. Depleting the family atmosphere: Whenever there is such a \”troublesome\” person in the family, it is like a huge black hole. A sarcastic remark, a disappointing roll of the eyes, a look of disgust and contempt, or a gesture of crossing one\’s chest and raising one\’s head in contempt can bring the whole family\’s emotions to a freezing point anytime and anywhere. This kind of child training is called \”ventive child training.\” The emotional output of a meal is as fierce as a tiger, solving the problem 0.5. It has no effect on reducing similar wrong behaviors in children. I know it\’s hard for an emotional person to never get angry. After all, naughty and mischievous children are all the same, and emotionally stable parents can only pick one. I have a very effective method that I recommend to everyone: be silent for a minute and ask your soul. 1. This matter must be taken care of. Doesn’t it have to be done by him? 2. If I speak to my boss with the same emotion and tone I have now, will he listen? The first question is, don’t worry about 50% of the things. On the second question, 50% of the anger disappeared. The remaining 50% has little fighting power and can easily be defeated by the rational brain and changed into positive communication skills. In fact, it’s not that children don’t want to hear it, it’s just that many times when their parents’ emotions come to the fore, they will instinctively choose to fight or escape. Why is it that even though we are obviously right and reasonable, our children still don’t listen to a word? Why does he still go against us even though we are doing it for his own good? Because he was very unhappy! The more you are right and he can\’t refute you, the more unhappy he will be! What hurts children is never the truth itself, but the way you \”reason\” and your attitude. The invisible language of belittling, suppressing, and scolding attached to the attitude. The child\’s appeal is actually very simple. Even if what you say makes sense and is good for me, I don\’t want you to say it in that way. You just need to remind me briefly what to do, that\’s enough. If you are emotional, you will definitely lose!