This innate emotion affects a child’s life-long happiness. How to counterattack?

Yesterday, several girlfriends gathered at my house with their children. Dabao and Xiaoyuer played the piano impromptu. The melodious sound of the piano was unanimously praised by the girlfriends, especially Lin, who applauded warmly and praised her endlessly. People gathered around the piano and asked Xiao Yuer questions about the piano. When the atmosphere was peaceful, suddenly, my best friend Lin\’s child Maomao jumped out and said: What\’s the matter? No matter how good he is at playing, he can\’t become Lang Lang. Lin was extremely embarrassed and blamed Maomao: Why do you say that about your brother? In what way is your brother not better than you? Maomao\’s face was red, her eyes were full of tears, and she clenched her fists: \”Others are strong and good, then you let them be your children!\” Lin was about to speak, and I hugged Maomao: \”Maomao, in In Auntie\’s heart, everyone has their own strengths. Xiao Yu\’er has Xiao Yu\’er\’s strengths, and you also have yours. You are smart, handsome, and have good grades.\” After I said this, Maomao calmed down. : \”Auntie, I\’m sorry, I was wrong. I shouldn\’t be angry with my mother.\” Afterwards, Lin quietly asked me: How could Maomao, who was only seven years old, be so jealous? Behind every behavior of a child there are his psychological needs. Psychologically, jealousy is an innate instinct of individuals, and everyone has feelings of jealousy and envy. But in the hearts of young children, behind that intense jealousy lies a deep sense of insecurity. Maomao expects to be praised and appreciated by his authoritative mother, but her mother often gives these praises and appreciation to others in comparison. His inner sense of superiority is destroyed, and his insecurity forces him to take away the praise and appreciation he wants. Coming back triggered a self-defense mentality, which was the reason for Maomao\’s jealousy. A few days ago, my best friend Yun came to my house with her child Lanlan. 2-year-old Lanlan is cute and well-behaved. She has a sweet little mouth and calls her \”auntie\” every time. She is very rare. I couldn\’t help but hold her in my arms and give her a kiss. Xiaobao and Xiaoguiyuan, who were enjoying themselves in the corner, happened to see me kissing Lanlan. She immediately crawled to me, squeezed into the gap between me and Lanlan, and climbed up my lap. Put your arms around my neck and bring your face to my mouth. I was stunned for a moment, and she pouted unhappily: \”Mom, kiss me.\” I smiled and kissed her on the face. She was happy, and she also kissed me on the face and leaned against me. She smiled so hard at Lan Lan that she couldn\’t even see her eyes. In fact, Xiao Guiyuan used her silent actions to demonstrate to Lan Lan: This is my mother, she belongs to me. Because Lan Lan destroyed her sense of superiority, she instinctively wanted to regain it. When every child is born, he has an instinctive fear and low self-esteem about the unknown world. At this time, their parents are where they belong and where they trust. Getting the love from their parents is their own sense of personal superiority. Once they feel that their parents are shared and possessed by others, this sense of superiority is destroyed. In psychology, all jealousy is a psychological reaction after the sense of superiority is destroyed. It is a negative emotion caused by seeing others possess or enjoy what you want. A 3-month-old baby already has this emotion, so parents must carefully protect their child\’s emotion and not take it lightly.It can easily and permanently destroy the child\’s sense of superiority. If due to parents\’ carelessness, partiality, neglect, and unfairness, the children have been in the mood of having their sense of superiority destroyed for a long time, an instinctive defense mechanism will gradually develop from their hearts (that is, the mood to regain their sense of superiority). ), resulting in jealousy. Therefore, those children with strong jealousy are caused by bad parent-child relationship. Bertrand Russell said: Jealousy is one of the biggest factors leading to human unhappiness. It is a very destructive negative emotion. If the child is not helped to regulate, regulate and control this negative emotion and is allowed to grow and spread, it will bring unexpected psychological difficulties to the child as an adult. In fact, jealousy is a double-edged sword. Children with strong jealousy are also more competitive. They will work twice as hard to surpass their peers in some aspect. Therefore, jealousy is also a positive psychology. What we have to do is to help children transform the negative effects of jealousy into positive aspects, making it a motivation for children to be positive and progress. (1) Confident people are not easily jealous. In psychology, people who lack self-confidence are prone to jealousy. For young children, the establishment of self-confidence depends not only on the recognition and affirmation of outsiders, but also the recognition of their parents and family members. If we look at children\’s shortcomings more than their strengths, it will easily make them doubt themselves and develop an inferiority complex. Once such a mentality is established, no matter how much we praise and encourage them, they will not believe it. Instead, they will think that we are just comforting them. (2) Praise children appropriately. Praising children appropriately is recognition of children’s efforts, makes them feel our expectations of them, and makes them more confident. Learn to praise their abilities, let them know clearly why they are praised, and make them more confident in themselves. It should be noted that you should not praise too much. A child who is indulging in praises will easily develop jealousy when others are praised because of his pride. (3) Try not to compare your child with others. Children are sensitive and fragile. If you always compare your child with other people’s children, he will feel that your love has been transferred from him to other people’s children. They will feel even more inferior and unconfident, and may even transfer their grievances and even hatred to other people\’s children. A netizen on Zhihu said: I have been tortured to death by \”other people\’s children\” since I was a child, so that whenever I hear \”XXXXX, a child from such and such a family…\” I will feel: Since I like other people\’s children so much, why don\’t I It\’s better to kill and regenerate. Therefore, in our lives, we should not compare our children with other children, but pay attention to every small progress of our children. After all, everyone has their own talents, personalities, and abilities. (4) Understand the psychological needs behind children’s behaviors. Behind every behavior of a child, there are hidden inner needs. Fang discovered that her 7-year-old child had recently become estranged from a good friend of his, and was sometimes even hostile. So Fang asked her son what happened with his good friend. The child told Fang that his good friend hadWhen a remote-controlled airplane arrives, don\’t let him play with it. The mother asked the child what he was thinking, and the child said: \”Sad, angry, and wanting.\” Seeing that her son had such strong jealousy, Fang did not blame or criticize him, because she knew that the child needed someone to listen to him most at this time. Talk to him and be able to understand and consider him. So, Fang held the child in her arms and listened to him patiently. In the end, the child\’s strong jealousy disappeared, and not long after, he was stuck with that friend again. Children\’s jealousy is intuitive and real, unlike adults who are mixed with many social factors. Many times, what children need is not the satisfaction of desires, but the listening of their families and the affirmation of their inner feelings. Allowing children to find an outlet for their emotions and achieve balance in their hearts will not only help protect their self-esteem, but also effectively prevent their jealousy from growing and spreading. There are no parents in the world who don’t love their children, but many times we don’t know how to love them better. We are willing to do everything for them, but the growth path of our children is beyond our control. We can only accompany them, pay attention to them, and when they go astray, pull them back in time and guide them to walk on the right path throughout their lives, and they will not deviate from it even when they are old. Every child has a long road in life, and we as parents also have a long road ahead. Many times we can only learn and do at the same time. While becoming good parents, we also become better ourselves.