This is why I blocked my parents, revealing the hidden pain of millions of families

A few days ago, there was a hot topic on Weibo #This is why I blocked my parents#, which triggered widespread comments. There is a video below the topic. In the video, the reason why the girl blocks her parents is shown. When she was a child, the girl showed her favorite paintings to her father. The father said coldly: \”What\’s the use of these paintings? You won\’t be able to make a living from this in the future?\” The girl confided to her mother: \”It turns out that my deskmate has been talking behind my back. \”I told you bad things,\” but her mother said, \”I told you not to make bad friends, now you know you were wrong, right?\” The girl showed her parents a funny video, and her father scolded her, \”Why are you laughing so loudly at night?\” I just know how to yell.\” The girl shared her travel photos with her mother, and her mother was always picky, \”Why do you think you always purse your lips and smile? It\’s so ugly.\” The latest and most complete on the Internet in 2023 [Young, junior high school] Various A complete catalog of VIP courses by famous teachers in various disciplines, click to view now! After work, the girl complained to her parents that her boss always wore small shoes for her and criticized her in public. However, her father accused her: \”Then you have to blame yourself. Why do you criticize you for not criticizing others?\” After that, when she went home during the Chinese New Year, she met her father. After greeting her parents, the girl no longer had the desire to share and went straight back to her room. At this time, her parents blamed her for having a bad temper and not making phone calls when she was outside. The girl\’s voice is: \”I just want to chat with you, not listen to your preaching.\” Yes, preaching will only make each other drift away; empathy will enter the child\’s heart. When we are used to standing in our own perspective and making irrelevant responses, we cannot truly understand them. When we are accustomed to standing against our children and cannot stand with them to empathize, over time, the children will naturally close their conversational boxes and alienate us. Empathy refers to the ability to put yourself in other people\’s shoes and experience others\’ situations, so as to feel and understand other people\’s moods. Luo Jing, a doctor from the Chinese Academy of Sciences, said: \”Parents who understand empathy are more likely to get into the hearts of their children.\” Parents who do not understand empathy have a hard time winning their children\’s hearts. Excellent parents never lack empathy. Adults don’t know that children’s world is all “butt”. Yesterday, it rained and I sent my daughter to kindergarten in the morning. At the school gate, I saw a mother wearing a raincoat in front of me. The child huddled under the raincoat and followed her mother. When passing the card machine at the door, the child accidentally bumped into the machine, causing his mother to stagger as well. The mother immediately became angry and scolded, \”Where are you looking at while walking? Are you still lingering, don\’t you know you\’re going to be late?\” The child didn\’t say anything, but I, who was a bystander, fully understood his helplessness. From the position of the mother, it is difficult to realize that the child\’s view is blocked by the raincoat, thus affecting the pace of progress. Mom\’s focus is only on the front and \”it\’s going to be late.\” I have no idea what kind of world a child sees at his height. When children are young, children lack language expression and find it difficult to explain; when they grow up, children often know that explanations are useless and have no intention of explaining. Therefore, the silence and alienation shown are even more difficult for parents to understand. A study in the European psychology community has proven that many incomprehensible behaviors of children in life actually have their roots in their parents. If you are willing to squat down and observe the child, from the child\’s position and angleIf you look at the question carefully, many of the answers are self-evident. I read a story called \”The World of Adults is Full of Butts\”. A mother took her son to a shopping mall. When they arrived at the entrance of the mall, his son refused to go in and held her hand to go home. The mother persisted, but the child remained unmoved. Suddenly, she saw that her son\’s shoes were dirty, so she bent down and polished his shoes. The moment she bent down, the mother discovered that the half-open door of the shopping mall that she saw from the child\’s height looked like the mouth of a monster. It was dark and scary. The mother suddenly realized that from the child\’s perspective, she could only see the adult\’s butt. If adults only look at the world from their own perspective, children\’s disobedience and incomprehensible behavior will be scolded and looked down upon by us, and the children will naturally feel aggrieved and helpless. When the joys and sorrows of parents and children are not connected, we cannot get into the heart of the child. Only when you squat down can you see your children and yourself. Children who are not understood will only push their parents further and further away. There is a line in \”The Big Exam\”: \”Don\’t expect your parents to understand you, because not being understood is the fate of children.\” There are some problems that we don\’t understand because we don\’t understand them. We understand that for some problems, our children have been asking us for help, but we have chosen to resist, causing parent-child conflicts to intensify. Just like the boy Zhang Zhao in the documentary \”Mirror\”, he fell in love early, played with mobile phones, and chose to drop out of school in his senior year of high school. He had a bad relationship with his parents and once kicked them out of the house. At first glance, this child seems unfilial and excessive? If parents were more warm and understanding, how could their children behave so aggressively and indifferently towards their parents? In the eyes of his parents, Zhang Zhao dropped out of school because of puppy love. Zhang Zhao admitted frankly that he did not go to school because the repressive environment put too much pressure on him. When he talked to his mother about his pressure, her mother would say: \”Thousands of people in the school can bear it, why can\’t you?\” When Zhang Zhao passed by a tall building and threatened to jump off the building, his father would say: \”You jump. After that, his father mocked him: \”He doesn\’t have the courage.\” \”I asked him to jump, but he didn\’t even get up.\” And the voice in Zhang Zhao\’s heart was: \”Every time they say this, I I thought, if I go home again, I will be their grandson.\” His parents thought that Zhang Zhao didn\’t want to go to school, but what he really wanted was to study and go to university. Even so, the parents still smiled and retorted: \”He is not telling the truth, he is evil, he is lying to you.\” All kinds of words revealed are harmful to the children. What is exposed is the arrogance and ignorance of the parents themselves. Parents only see the world from their own perspective, only believe in the world in their own eyes, and never understand why their children\’s inner world becomes what it is today. Ask yourself, are children born like this? Or has our education deformed it? The three feet of ice did not last in a day, and all the unsatisfactory conditions were not entirely the child\’s fault. Do we respect and understand our children as equal individuals? Do we truly listen to our children and sincerely help them solve their problems? Children are our children, not our enemies. Why should we compete with them and win or lose? The book \”Empathy\” says: \”Without empathy, we cannot find support and encouragement in each other.Encouragement, tenderness and love. \”Children are not seen and understood, and naturally they cannot respect and get close to their parents. If you win the child, you will lose completely. Let go of our pride, we are not superior to the children, we are just born before them. \”The Little Prince\” said: \”All adults were once children, although only a few people remember it. \”If we remember our expectations and thoughts about our parents when we were children, and now treat our children as who we once were, can we be more tolerant and understanding of our children? Understanding and respect is the key to opening the door to a child\’s heart. The human heart is made of flesh, and the heart of a child is not made of stone. If parents understand and respect them, how can they not be willing to get close to us? Chen Mian in the TV series \”Beyond\” has been learning roller skating, but her real interest is short-term Speed ​​skating. Before her mother went on a business trip, she repeatedly told her to participate in the roller skating qualifying competition the next day: \”As long as you can win and qualify as a second-level athlete, we can enter a key high school. \”But Chen Mian secretly went out of town and applied to join the speed skating team. When she was at the competition, her mother called her to ask about the qualifying competition, and she even lied to her mother. The paper couldn\’t cover up the anger. When her mother knew the truth, she didn\’t Get angry, but offer warmth and understanding. \”You have grown up and have the right to choose the path you want to take. Mom believes you can do it.\” \”If you think you can do it, prove it to me. Of course, don\’t hold on. If you can\’t do it, just go home. Mom is waiting for you at home.\” The daughter was so moved that she almost cried and said, \”Mom, you are so kind.\” \”Essentials for Family Education: How to Encourage Children\’s Progress and Self-Confidence, 70 Episodes. The mother definitely hopes that her daughter will participate in the roller skating qualifying competition, successfully enter a key high school, and then go to college and work as a matter of course. But she also understands that her daughter has loved it since she was a child. If you still like speed skating when you are a teenager, it means you really love it. Now, if you have the opportunity to choose your love again, you definitely don’t want to give up. Giving up will definitely become a shortcoming in life. Simply support it. Parents have parents. Consider, but children also have their own persistence. If you force your children to obey your wishes, you will inevitably struggle and lose both sides. In addition to ensuring the bottom line of safety, why not give your children a certain right to make independent choices? German psychiatrist Stephanie Steele said: “Whether parents have the ability to empathize is the key to children accepting positive or negative influences. \”It is a difficult choice for us to give up what we think is right and support the path of love that our children insist on. It is difficult to understand and respect children, but it is worth it, because that is the key to the child\’s heart and the harmonious parent-child relationship. The basis of. Be an empathic parent and create a harmonious parent-child relationship. Professor Brene Brown gave an example of empathy in her speech. A person accidentally fell into a well and cried for help underground: \”I can\’t get out. , it’s so dark here, I’m about to collapse. \”One person looked down and said to him: \”You must be feeling very uncomfortable, right? Do you need a sandwich? Tell you a joke? Another person also said: \”I understand how you feel, you are not alone.\” \”If you were in authority, wouldn\’t the latter empathy sentence be more popular? Empathy, in short, is to put oneself in another\’s shoes and think in another\’s shoes. Do unto others, do not impose on others. People are emotional animals, and the quality of the parent-child relationship is sometimes determined by empathy. As long as we consciously observe and understand our children, know how to listen carefully, communicate attentively, and are willing to understand, affirm and support them, a good parent-child relationship will naturally come naturally. Practicing empathy is a compulsory course for good parents. Treating yourself as a child and thinking about what your children think is an effective way to learn empathy. As parents, we hope that we will practice this lesson intensively throughout our lives to help our parents and children have a harmonious and beautiful journey.