This kind of behavior of parents can easily raise Xiaobao to be a weakling and Dabao to be a victim.

When parents are planning to have a second child, they feel warm in their hearts. They will imagine countless times how the first child’s head will be next to the second child’s while they read picture books together, or they will hold hands and play on the lawn. Or maybe it\’s the tenth wedding anniversary of mom and dad. Each of them holds a corner of mom\’s dress and takes a family photo. Thinking about such a scene, I couldn\’t help but laugh out loud. Even in dreams, you will be awakened by sweetness. And what is the reality? The reality is that there must be such warm and beautiful scenes, but less harmonious scenes will also appear from time to time. For example, you are in the kitchen, and as soon as you turn on the faucet and wash a rice particle on the bowl, the boss and the second child start fighting in the living room. One screamed loudly for his mother, while the other fell to the ground and cried. While you were comforting Erbao, who was crying hoarsely, you told Dabao, \”Can\’t you just let your brother go?\” Do you know that he is younger than you? Looking back, Dabao was so aggrieved that water could squeeze out of his face. Just like in \”Where Are We Going, Dad 2\”, when Cao Ge\’s son and daughter had a conflict, Cao Ge also asked his brother to give in to his sister because the sister was young. The way Cao Ge\’s son held back and kept silent at that time was really endearing. Could it be that I am Dabao and am I at fault? Adults always take it for granted that Dabao should let Xiaobao go. Just like many people think that men should let women go. This is why in many families, the eldest son always has too many grievances and always takes on more. For the first time, my parents said, you are the elder brother (sister) and you should let your younger brother (sister) suffer, but you did as you were told. The second time, my parents said, you are the elder brother (sister) and you should let your younger brother (sister) go. The elder brother (sister) did so again. The third time, the fourth time… As time goes by, not only the elder brother (sister) feels that it is natural for him to let his younger brother (sister), but also the younger brother (sister) will feel that it is natural for his brother (sister) to let him go. Who would think that others give way to them as a matter of course? The weak and the victim. In other words, this unconscious behavior of parents aims to train the youngest to be a weakling and a victim, and the eldest to be a giver and sacrificer. I have a friend who is five years older than her brother. My family\’s financial situation was not very good since I was a child. When there was something delicious to eat or something fun to do, my parents used to say, let your younger brother eat first and let your younger brother play first. If there was a conflict between the siblings, it also means that you are the older sister and let you. Brother point. Later, she was admitted to college, and her younger brother dropped out of school before graduating from junior high school. After working, she sent half of her income to her parents and saved it for her brother to build a house and marry a wife. My parents said, he is your brother and he doesn’t make as much money as you. If you don’t help him, who will? So, she worked hard to make money and save money, just to build a house for her brother and find a wife. Of course, this situation also happens in families that favor boys over girls, such as Fan Shengmei in \”Ode to Joy\”. As long as there are more than two children, jealousy and competition in the family will inevitably occur. Unless parents can avoid getting involved in disputes, \”wrong cases\” will inevitably occur. At this time, as a \”judge\” or \”prosecutor\”, no matter who is right or wrong, it will bring harm to at least one party, because your eyesightNo matter how good it is, you can\’t see the whole story. Therefore, smart parents will not let themselves play the role of \”judge\” or \”prosecutor\”. It\’s best to stay out of the dispute and let the children work it out on their own. If you really can\’t help but intervene in the dispute, or if you know that one of the children is bullying the other. So, maybe the following approach can be used as a reference: Give a choice: you can either stop fighting, or go outside to fight, and come back when you stop fighting. Would you rather go back to your rooms to calm down, or would you rather work together to find a solution to the problem? If the little baby is really too young, comfort the big baby first and say to the big baby: \”Baby, mommy knows you are very angry. Look, your sister is crying too. Can we hug her together?\” When the big baby gets love and understanding, I no longer hate Xiaobao. On the contrary, if you blindly blame Dabao and let Dabao give way to Xiaobao, it will easily arouse Dabao\’s jealousy and hatred, and it will also easily lead to Xiaobao\’s willfulness and victimization mentality – it\’s all my sister\’s (brother\’s) fault, she made me cry. of. We all know that this is not always the case, and it is common for Xiaobao to deliberately (unintentionally) provoke Dabao. It doesn\’t necessarily make sense who is younger. \”Positive Discipline\” gave an example that I personally think is great: a father would stick his thumb in front of his children when they were fighting, and said: \”I am a reporter from CBC TV. Who would like to go first?\” Come to my microphone and tell me your opinion on this matter?\” Sometimes, the children would laugh, and sometimes they would take turns to express their opinions. After both parties have finished speaking, Dad will turn to the imaginary audience and say, \”Okay, friends. The live broadcast is over. If you want to know how these smart children solve the problem, please tune in tomorrow.\” To be honest, When I saw this paragraph, I couldn\’t help but think, if the teacher could handle the problem of fighting between boys like this, what an amazing teacher he would be! Families with several children are a thing of the past. Most families now have one or two children. Even if there are conflicts, they are relatively easy to deal with. But schools are different. There are so many children driven by \”libido\”. If they cannot be transferred and distributed well, fighting is a common way to release them. How teachers resolve conflicts between students is really something that requires level and structure. Back to business. Sibling rivalry affects children more than most parents realize. It can cause permanent damage to the personality, distort the personality, and it can also become a troubling subject throughout life. In \”Sima Yi\’s Military Advisor Alliance\”, Cao Cao\’s two sons, Cao Pi and Cao Zhi, Cao Zhi is extremely talented and knowledgeable. He usually likes poetry and poetry the most, has a peaceful and elegant temperament, and has no ambition to become emperor. However, because he was deeply favored by Cao Cao and appointed the crown prince in advance, Cao Pi was jealous. After Cao Pi succeeded to the throne, he always had a jealousy towards Cao Zhi and wanted to kill him. Later, Cao Pi used the reason that Cao Zhi was \”drunk and insolent and despised the envoy\” and restricted him to compose a poem within seven steps. Otherwise, he would be severely punished and would not be treated leniently. Thus, the famous \”Seven-step Poetry\” in history came into being: Boil the beans to make a soup, and strain the bean sprouts to make the juice. The bean is burning under the cauldron, the beans are in the cauldronweep. They are born from the same roots, so why rush each other? From a literary perspective, it is a blessing; from a historical perspective, it is normal; from a family perspective, it is sad. It is true that children like their siblings (having someone to play with), and it is also true that children are jealous of their siblings who are separated from their parents\’ love. Children long for complete love from their parents and feel reassured when their desire is acknowledged. They find comfort when this desire is understood and sympathetically appreciated. Acknowledge children\’s feelings, encourage children to express their jealousy, and give each child only love, not fair love. Dealing with problems can be fair, but there is no fairness in love, only uniqueness.