This kind of behavior of parents will leave a lifelong shadow on the children

I saw a topic on Zhihu that exposed scars: \”What is the one thing that hurts you the most about your parents?\” Many people mentioned their parents\’ verbal violence. One Zhihu friend also summed it up with a slightly ironic sentence. Words: No one is more gifted with words than parents when it comes to hurting their children. Why do so many people hold back the verbal abuse they suffered as children? Probably because it is not like a physical injury, which will heal over time. It is like poisoning, but there is no antidote. It is a chronic disease that cannot be rid of in a lifetime. Therefore, as a parent, you must be deeply aware of the negative impact of verbal violence on a child, manage your mouth, control your temper, and do not let your careless words become a yoke that binds your child for a lifetime. Take a look at the hurtful words below. Do you still use them? 01 Stop crying, I’ll beat you if you cry again. Some parents see their children crying, and without saying a word, they will say angrily: If you cry again, I’ll beat you! This sentence may be effective in stopping the child from crying at that time, but the harm it brings to the child is also immeasurable. In the world of children, crying is a normal thing, because children are different from adults. When adults encounter unhappy things, they can find hundreds of ways to deal with it, but children only have one way of \”crying\”. Or express pain, irritability, dissatisfaction, etc. Crying is like a window for children to excrete negative emotions. If you close this window, the child can only keep the pain in his heart, and over time, many mental diseases will develop. You can try to comfort the crying child and tell him that it is okay to cry, but you still need to understand where you have gone wrong, be gentle to the child, and have principles for things, so that the child can recover from his \”untimely\” crying. Really learn something. 02 I am very disappointed in you. When your child does something unsatisfactory and his test scores are a mess, would you blurt out this sentence? And when you say this to your child repeatedly, the deepening result is that he really can\’t do anything well. Based on the child\’s existing cognitive experience and knowledge level, his view of the world is confused and full of imagination, and his self-positioning is also chaotic. Therefore, they tend to regard the words of adults as golden rules and an extreme guide to self-positioning. Important reference. When he hears \”I am very disappointed in you\”, his judgment of himself must be negative and pessimistic, and his originally high-spirited attitude will fail. Instead of concluding a child\’s temporary frustration, wise parents will be a guiding light on their child\’s growth path, help him analyze the reasons for failure, and find a correct path so that the child can go further and further. 03 Why are you not as good as others? There is a joke on the Internet that says, \”The most terrifying thing in the world is not the seven aunts and eight aunts, but other people\’s children.\” If you live in a family where comparisons are made everywhere, this \”other people\’s children\” \”It may be a shadow that you can\’t get rid of in your life. In fact, \”other people\’s children\” are just a perfect child pieced together by parents who hope that their sons will succeed (or that their daughters will succeed). It may be the little girl next door who got perfect scores in math, or Xiao Ming who speaks fluent English in the community…AbbyCompetitive parents and vain parents always like to bring out the advantages of each child to deal with their own children. They are well aware of their children\’s pain points, and they use eggs to attack stones, displaying their children\’s weaknesses and leaving no room for their children\’s self-esteem. This kind of parents are blinded by external \”face\” and only see the child\’s shortcomings and flaws, turning a blind eye to his strengths and strengths. This not only weakens the child\’s motivation to strive, but also buries the child\’s talent invisibly. . 04 The sentence \”I do everything for you\” does not seem to have any lethality on the surface, but in fact it has the greatest physical and mental constraints on children. It can be described as a \”gentle knife\” in verbal violence. Parents have an unshirkable responsibility and obligation to raise their children. From birth, a child is an independent individual. It should not be an extension of your wishes, nor an accessory that you can dispose of at will. \”I do everything for you, but you haven\’t studied hard yet\”, \”I do everything for you, you can\’t live up to my expectations\”… When you use your authority and hard work as a parent to kidnap your child, It is easy to develop a character that is sensitive, fragile, careful to please, depressed, and has no backbone. It is also easy for children to be burdened with heavy family debts early on. 05 You are so stupid, what can you do in the future? Living in such a fast-paced society, parents are becoming more and more focused on efficiency, and their patience wears out faster and faster. For example, when I see a child learning Tang poetry, I wish I could memorize it after reading it once. When I first learn English, I try to memorize 26 English letters backwards and forwards in one breath, otherwise the child will be labeled \”stupid\”. \”You are so stupid, you will never be successful in the future.\” This kind of \”stupidity\” not only points to the present, but also points to the future, making children who are originally full of vigor and passion for the future like a deflated balloon and fall into a vicious circle of self-doubt. . Children have their own path of growth, and each child also has his own pace of growth, which varies at different speeds. Life is a marathon, not a 100-meter sprint. The child running in front may not have the last laugh. This is a long journey of overcoming obstacles. How can you decide who will lose and who will win at the starting point? 06 \”Why do I have a child like you?\” This sentence has a meaning of hating iron but not steel, but it is extremely lethal. It seems that the existence of a child is the column of parents\’ life resume, the most failed experience, from head to toe, there is no satisfactory place. You should be the kind of parent you want your children to be. If you have a lot of flaws, how can you criticize your children for being perfect? When you look at your child with a negative eye, he is actually giving you a score in his heart. Parents are a child\’s most trusted relatives, and family is his warmest harbor. If the most important people in his life and his most important family are not willing to accept him or tolerate him, who else can he rely on? \”Words can hurt people more deeply than spears and halberds.\” The power of words is unimaginable, and the harm caused to children is difficult to eliminate. I have only selected a few representative sentences above, and there are many other negative words. Maybe right now, a parent is using some vicious words to attack a child who has done something wrong. He must be frightened and at a loss. , secretly thinking with a frightened facesad. \”Bad words hurt people.\” The speaker is unintentional, but the listener is intentional. Don\’t let your words that you say without thinking accidentally hurt your child and cause him scars that are difficult to erase in his life.