This kind of child is the most lovable, but when he grows up, he is the least promising! Countless parents fell silent after reading this

Do you have such a good child around you: he is often praised as \”obedient\” and not noisy; he can not only understand the parents\’ difficulties, but also be skillful in taking care of others like a \”little adult\”; he usually does not cause trouble and is friendly When there is a conflict between peers, the first choice is to be humble… They are the \”dream babies\” in the minds of many parents. They are worry-free at home and attract praise outside. But for children, this kind of sensibleness is too cruel. I met my colleague Wenwen’s child twice, once at a party, and I was left with the impression that he was “very well behaved”. When Wenwen was cooking, the child was picking vegetables. When eating, he sat upright and was not picky about food. He would also greet me from time to time: \”Auntie, this is delicious, please eat more.\” I nodded and said \”ok\”. But throughout the whole process, I saw the little girl helping Wenwen as a helper and taking care of me as a guest, which made me feel a little emotional. Just like when we met again later, on her birthday, I asked her what she wished for, and she whispered to me: \”I hope my parents can treat me like a child. I don\’t want to grow up so fast.\” At that moment, I knew: It turns out that children will also feel sorry for their own sensibleness, because it means paying the price of innocence. The three-piece set of \”trap babies\”: obedient, sensible, and disadvantaged. In the TV series \”Reply 1988\”, Deshan\’s situation resonated with many people. There are three children in the family, and she is caught in the middle. She has an older sister with good grades and a younger brother who is valued by her parents. And she can only be ignored by her parents and choose to give in in everything. Usually, when there are only two eggs left, I give them to my sister and brother first, and I can only eat pickled beans. Every birthday is celebrated on the day of my sister\’s birthday, and the two sisters celebrate it together. So when she asked: \”Am I someone who can be treated casually and it doesn\’t matter?\” the \”good\” children outside the screen couldn\’t help but break their guard: children who can act coquettishly get candy, and sensible children are the most aggrieved. Few people would give up the things they like, especially children. The humility shown is more about the fear of \”disobeying and never getting the love of your parents\” rather than a real dislike or want. This reminds me of \”The Life of the Disliked Songzi\”. In order to get love, Songzi lowers himself while relying on others for happiness; Zhu Chaoyang in \”The Hidden Corner\” does not make friends in order to satisfy his mother\’s expectations. If you only study, you can’t refuse even a glass of milk that you don’t like to drink; Shen Wei, who was once called the “Wandering Master” by netizens, gave up the happiness he wanted the moment he chose to be obedient: “If it weren’t for dad’s If asked, I might choose another major and it wouldn\’t be what I am now. \”There are many good kids like this. They have been asked to be obedient, sensible, and suffer losses since they were young, but few people notice that the smiles that children should have are disappearing from their faces. Parents who are too strong make it difficult for their children to adapt. \”Supporting Role Syndrome\” A well-behaved child\’s self-defense is losing ground. Does your child have \”Supporting Role Syndrome\”? He doesn\’t like to push forward and is willing to be a supporting role in the team. For example, if you don’t raise your hand in class, you still worry about being called on by the teacher; if you choose to sit in a corner in a busy place, you don’t want to be noticed. Teachers and parents may think that children are introverted, but data released by the China Youth Daily Social Survey Center shows that among 2,000 respondents, nearly half of the respondentsThere is \”supporting role syndrome\”, among which 53.9% of the respondents attributed this phenomenon to the \”good boy\” education they received since childhood. When they get along with others, they are often the ones who compromise and accommodate. They choose to be \”little transparent\” and sacrifice their own needs through silence and evasion. Netizen @梅子 is a child who grew up in this environment. She gets excellent grades and never gets into trouble. In addition to studying, I also help adults with work and do some handicrafts to save enough money to buy stationery. Although he is not very old, he is much more mature than his peers. She claimed that this was a \”consensus\” reached with her elders, and she was forced to learn to behave well, and then grew up quietly where her parents could not see her. But everything goes as others wish, but my own ideas are never taken seriously. She dreamed of going to high school and college entrance examination, but her parents used various reasons to persuade her to go to normal school. At the age of 14, she did not resist, and she could only secretly carry it to her family. Since then, an arranged decision has allowed her to walk a longer road than others: from junior college to postgraduate entrance examination. It seems inspiring, but only you can understand the bitterness. Every time she thinks about it, Meizi can\’t help but feel regretful: If only she had gone to high school back then… But there was no such thing as being too obedient, which would have already weakened the self-defense of the good child. As popular science psychology writer Nori Xiong said: \”If your child is not rebellious when growing up, you have to worry. It means that he is hiding under your umbrella and cannot get out of his own life.\” Being sensible is never wronged. Reasons, but consequences. A good education is to allow children to become their own bloggers @Xiange slowly is a high school teacher who once shared such teaching cases online. She said that among the students she came into contact with, there was a type of child who usually took class very seriously, but easily fell off the mark during exams. Talking about the reason, it is not that they have poor psychological quality, but that they are very good at \”guessing the teacher\” and giving feedback based on the teacher\’s most used form, rather than really understanding it. After getting to know them more deeply, she found that most of these children had strict parents behind them, so they learned early on to \”observe people\’s emotions\” and even to please others. As the psychoanalyst Winnicott said: \”If a person is too normal and loses his wildness, it is very sad.\” Indeed, allowing children to cry as much as they want and laugh as much as they want will make them more like themselves. . So, what can parents do? Three methods to share with you. 1. Before asking your children, first ask yourself to be truly obedient, so that your children can learn to change from \”other discipline to self-discipline\”. For example, some parents are accustomed to telling their children to \”watch less TV and read more\”, but when parents and children are in the same room, they keep their mobile phones close to them, which is in sharp contrast with the scene of their children doing homework. I am deeply impressed by this sentence: \”The best way to educate children is to cultivate yourself persistently.\” If you teach others, you will not be able to teach; if you teach others, you will learn it once. Just preaching will not be effective. Parents might as well set an example first. Children will naturally be affected if they observe more positive guidance. 2. Allow children to make mistakes instead of avoiding them. Listen to a story. There was a baby elephant in the circus. In order to tame it, the staff chained one of its feet to a wooden stake. In order to gain freedom, it broke free many times, and was eventually bruised by the chains. Over and over again, it doesn\’t work. Even as an adult, itHe had enough strength to break free from the wooden stake, but also lost the courage to resist when he was young. Because the punishment of trial and error has long been engraved in my mind: \”No matter how hard I try, I can\’t break free.\” The same is true for family education. The attitude of parents when their children make mistakes is a kind of psychological suggestion, which is called \”limiting belief.\” Just like those children who \”passively become good\”, when they grow up and enter the workplace, they will still have the imprint of their original family. They will not refuse anything and are always careful when getting along with others. Therefore, if your child does something wrong, don\’t rush to beat or scold them first. You can give them a chance to start over or make up for their mistakes. 3. The more relaxed adults are, the more cooperative children will be. Some time ago, my son saw that most of his classmates bought phone watches, so he asked me to buy him one too, the most expensive one with the most functions. I thought I was still a student and it would be nice if I could talk on the phone, so I didn’t agree. But this kid was so stubborn that he had a cold war with me, and finally his dad came up with an idea. Directly give the child a \”task\”: make a research report, count the phone and watch styles, prices, and functions of the classmates, and then discuss it together. This kid, who is in the stage of adolescence where he likes challenges, agreed without saying a word. After the matter was completed, he not only came to \”negotiate\” with me with the statistical results, but also chose a watch with a relatively good price/performance ratio based on specific comparisons. It really makes me, an old mother, \”impressed\”, and people gradually realize that: as children grow up, they will become playful, learn to talk back, and \”bargain\” with adults… This is not necessarily a bad thing, but also a step from controlling oneself to A kind of growth in controlling external objects. At this stage, they need options more than answers. Parenting expert Wang Renping said: \”My child, no matter how much I love you, you are destined to walk your own life journey. I will talk to you about my life experience, but I will not ask you to be obedient, let alone plan your life.\” \”Because, behind \”sensible\”, there may be many unseen needs and ununderstood grievances. Children\’s obedience does not necessarily mean the success of education. Even if parents just want their children to have a smoother life, the focus of education is never based on obedience, but to allow children to become more like themselves through attempts and choices. When they become the protagonists of their own lives, it is the greatest pride of parents.