Three tips on how to handle parent-child relationships well

I read a post on Zhihu: I went to Peking University and was a graduate student in the UK, but I haven’t been back home in 10 years. I haven’t contacted my parents in 10 years. Everyone calls me a “white-eyed wolf.” When I was a child, my parents always liked to beat and scold me. They arranged everything for me. They controlled me in the name of love and used me as their capital to show off. All of this was a nightmare for me. I have been withdrawn, unsociable, and sensitive since I was a child. I feel like I am living like an orphan. People around me condemned me and said I was a traitor, but I couldn\’t refute it. 10 years have passed and I will go home soon. I hope that when I see my parents again, I can find a different feeling. At the bottom of the post, there is a question: As a child, how should we get along well with our parents? As a parent, how can we move forward side by side with our children? I want to say: Love and growth are issues that parents have been exploring throughout their lives. However, I still hope you can tell your children these three sentences. Don’t take your children as your face, and don’t ignore the loving nature of your children. You are a bad student, and I also love you to share the story of my son and me. When my son was in fifth grade, he once scored 56 on a math test. He didn\’t dare to go home and ran to his aunt\’s house. I picked him up after work and bought his favorite egg tarts, but he hid in his room and never came out. Later, after I comforted him for a long time, he opened the door crying and said, \”Mom, I\’m sorry, I failed the exam.\” .\” I said: \”It doesn\’t matter, even if you get a zero score, my mother will love you.\” He said, \”But, I want to get a high score, so my mother will love me more.\” I corrected him, no matter if you got a 10 or so Score, or 100 points, mom and dad love you equally, we love you because you are our child, not because you are a child with good grades. After hearing this, his mood suddenly changed and he jumped up and down happily. Top 10 Bestseller List Li Zhongying\’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills e-book It is undeniable that parents hope that their children will be top students. In the minds of most children, there will be this idea: If I do well in the exam, my parents will like me more; If I don\’t do well in the exam, my parents will hate me. Excellence has become a weapon for many children as they grow up. Therefore, for a child, he needs scores to prove his worth and his status in the hearts of his parents. You have to tell your children that grades are not a measure of excellence, accept their imperfections, and let them see their self-worth. Life is not an arena. There is no need to regard high scores as the greatest glory. Short-term results cannot be exchanged for a lifetime of galloping. It is wise to let your children find the joy and direction of life under your guidance. In the case I shared at the beginning of the article, parents used their children as a means of showing off, causing a stiff relationship between the children and their parents. In fact, when faced with your child\’s grades, don\’t blurt out, \”Son, you always come first in the exam, you really make me look proud\”, and don\’t say, \”Look at your grades, you\’ve brought shame to our ancestors.\” You need to tell your child: I love you regardless of your grades. The quality of your grades is not something your parents can show off to, but the hard work you put in will definitely become the most beautiful medal in your life. Whether you are rich or not, I love you. I have a relative,He has been very strict with his children since he was a child. His son graduated from a prestigious foreign university and settled in Australia. I also have a relative who has raised his children since childhood. His son graduated from high school and is now working as a general worker in a factory. Many years ago, people in the village always used the child with good grades as a role model for the whole village, and made jokes about the children with poor grades. Now, that wealthy son from Australia has not been home for five years. His parents are sick and hospitalized, and he always asks someone to take care of him. And the poor man who worked as a general worker in the factory would go home with fruits and pork from time to time to help his mother cook and shave his father\’s beard. My father once said to me: \”I\’ll be proud of you if you make a difference in the future. If you don\’t have much ability, it doesn\’t matter to me. The most important thing is to have a good attitude.\” I read a question: What are outstanding children like? ? Gao Zan\’s answer is: ranked first in the whole grade in the exam, graduated from a prestigious university, has an annual salary of one million in a first-tier city, can marry a fair and beautiful woman, can marry a rich and handsome man, has endless glory in front of him, but is as lonely as water in the back, and has become the face of his parents in life, but yet You can\’t live the life you love. I deeply agree. Many seemingly successful children have actually never had their own happiness, never experienced the feeling of being loved, and have endless grievances with their family members. Many children are not rebellious, but want to rebel against everything they don\’t like. You need to tell your children: I will not arrange everything for you, and I will not let you find the glory for me that you have never had. I hope you know that no matter what happens to you in the future, I will love you no matter whether you are rich or poor. If excellence is a heavy shackles for you, then I hope you won\’t be so excellent and live your life as you love. I hope you pursue your free self. As long as you don’t steal or rob, and be an upright person, you will be the pride of my life. I have no regrets, I gave birth to you and raised you. I love you no matter how late you are in getting married. My cousin is 28 this year. She is not married yet. She has argued with her parents countless times because of getting married. Every time she discussed the topic of marriage with her parents, she would hang up the phone in tears, and then she would have a cold war with her parents for a while. She said that she couldn\’t stand the feeling of being urged to get married, so she would just find someone to marry. Reminds me of the story of the movie \”The Winner Takes All\”. The 35-year-old daughter was planning to marry a doctor she didn\’t like, so her father made an appointment with the doctor to talk and said something that made people cry: If my daughter can\’t meet someone she likes, it\’s okay to find someone to accommodate her. But I am a father, and I hope that my daughter will find someone to fall in love with, have no regrets in her marriage, and be able to find true happiness, the kind that gives her hands to the other person from the bottom of her heart. She should not marry for her parents, she should marry the person she loves deeply for her own happiness, for a long-lasting marriage. If before getting married, she could say to me very forcefully: \”Dad, I found this person, and I won\’t marry him unless he is the one.\” Otherwise, I would rather she not marry. After reading this conversation, many people sighed and said, it would be great if my parents treated me like this. In life, many parents are afraid that their children will not be able to get married when they are too old, and they themselves will lose face, so they will give their children an ultimatum at any time: \”You must go on a blind date this year, otherwise no one will really want you. You have to do it for me.\” Let\’s consider it,We are also older. \”Such reproaches have caused many children to jump into the grave of marriage, wasting their hopes and expectations in lack of love. How many parents regard their children\’s marriage as the most satisfactory answer in their lives. What you need to tell you Child: Don’t treat marriage as a transaction, don’t treat marriage as a bet. You need to find someone you love to spend your life with. Even if there are regrets in life, don’t let yourself down. As long as you can find your destination in the end, it doesn’t matter if it’s a little later. . 6980 Yuan Zhang Guowei’s Comprehensive Parent-Child Relationship Skills Recording + Handouts + Quick Notes Because, I want to see you happy. Writer Chi Li wrote a passage to her children: \”My love for you is every breath in my life. Every smile, every tear. If God allows, I will only love you more! \”Sincere love is freedom and belief. Love is understanding, perfection, and letting go. The road of love and growth is not easy to walk. It will be full of thorns, full of blame, full of misunderstandings, and full of blows, but it will also be accompanied by joy and joy. Warmth, accompanied by strength. I hope that no matter what kind of child you have, you will tell your child: No matter what you become, I love you; if life allows, I will love you more. Give it a like and wish you Love an open life and let your children be themselves.