To deal with children\’s unreasonable troubles, there is only one trick – be a good audience

I just had the Rooney Flu for a few days and I went to school for two days. I started having vomiting and diarrhea again yesterday. I called the teacher to ask for leave. I originally wanted to take half a day to check on the situation, but the teacher said that recently, a child in another class had rotavirus. Maybe Rooney is infected, so he\’d better not come to the park for the next few days. Rooney cheered with joy, but I was worried, this guy is a disaster at home! No, after calling the teacher, I asked him to wash his face and apply moisturizer. After a while, I heard him screaming: \”Mom! Come here!\” I thought he had his pants on again, I quickly put the baby into my mother\’s hand, ran into the room in three steps and took a look, and almost screamed. I saw that his hands were covered with a thick layer of sticky and greasy moisturizer, which he couldn\’t wipe off even though he tried to wipe it off. Only half of the large jar of Cetaphil I just bought was left, and there was still some oil left in it. Plugged in is a bottle of allergy medicine that he sprays into his nose! Seeing the embarrassment on his face, I asked angrily and amusedly: \”My little ancestor, what are you doing?\” \”I want to take out that medicine.\” \”Oh my God! Why are you doing this?\” A bottle of medicine inserted here? The moisturizer I just bought has been wasted by you!\” I cursed at him while trying to find a way to take out the medicine, and he hurried to the bathroom to wash his hands. This was just a small episode in the morning. At the end of the day, there are many similar worries. Fortunately, my mother is back. I don’t have to carry Beckham on my back while cooking, and I have to clean up the mess left by Rooney in the house. So yesterday I The mood is not as irritable as last week. But nagging is always unavoidable. When I saw Rooney practicing the piano, his hands would always collapse involuntarily. I started to make mean remarks again and wanted to correct him. He was naturally unhappy if he talked too much, so he stopped playing soon and refused to come back to the piano bench no matter what I said. To be honest, at that moment, I really wanted to beat him up. I haven\’t practiced the piano for a day since I fell ill last week, but I held back because he was really uncomfortable. Although I wasn\’t angry with him, my dissatisfaction was written on my face. He saw it but didn\’t care. He even brought the iPad over and asked me to enter my password and watch two episodes of cartoons. Of course I don\’t agree: \”I haven\’t practiced the piano well, so I can\’t watch animations!\” \”Why can\’t I watch it? Didn\’t I already practice?\” \”Do you call that practicing? I have said it before, if you don\’t practice the piano well, is it wrong? You can watch animation.\” \”Will you show it to me?\” He began to threaten me. \”I won\’t give it!\” I tried to restrain myself and said calmly and firmly. His eyes were wide open and he stared at me fiercely: \”You won\’t give it, right? Huh?… I really want to kill you!\” If I had heard such fierce words from him before, I would have jumped. Woke up. This time, I took a deep breath, called on my metacognition, and quickly realized that the anger I was about to explode was not just because he didn\’t practice piano, but because he had too much anger accumulated in his heart after his mischief in the morning. Come to think of it, it\’s actually not a big deal. At the same time, I saw a hint of cunning flash in his eyes, and immediately concluded that his anger was fake. He knew that I was dissatisfied with his piano practice, and would definitely not allow him to watch animations, so I thoughtPreemptively irritate me and then bargain with me when I\’m mentally exhausted. He has used this trick more than once, and he succeeded almost every time, because I couldn\’t help but be angry when faced with his unreasonable behavior. But this time I won\’t be fooled again, I decided to fight him to the end. \”Oh, how are you going to kill me? Tell me.\” I asked with a smile. He was stunned for a moment, but he didn\’t expect that I wasn\’t angry. He didn\’t know how to respond to me. \”Are you going to use a knife or a gun?\” I continued to ask, trying to divert his attention with a game. But he didn\’t buy it. \”I\’ll call 110 and ask the police to arrest you!\” He began to change the subject. \”I didn\’t hit you, and the police can\’t do anything about it. Don\’t call the police randomly, otherwise you will be the one the police want to arrest.\” I said seriously. He was a little scared. After hesitating for a while, he grabbed the blocks on the ground and wanted to throw them at me. \”Don\’t mess around, it will hurt if you hit the blocks.\” I quickly stopped him. He threw the blocks hard on the ground. It was obvious that he had not lost his mind and that he could control himself. I was right about this. He rushed towards me again and wanted to hit me, but I quickly got out of the way. He screamed in anger and waved his hands in the air. I always remained calm and watched him \”perform\” with a smile. I found that after putting myself in the role of the audience, I was no longer irritated no matter how much trouble he made. According to the words of the lazy mother, \”Let him make trouble when he is troublesome, let him make trouble when the breeze blows on the hills, let him be stubborn when he is stubborn, and let the bright moon shine on the river.\” At that moment, I actually felt like a Buddhist mother, haha. He made a fuss for a while, and finally realized that force this time was not going to work, so he started to be soft and gave me a sugar-coated bullet with a smile: \”Mom, I know you are the best mother in the world.\” , you love me the most too, just let me watch one episode, okay? Please.\” Of course I was unmoved. No matter what, the bottom line must be adhered to. If you say you can\’t watch it, you can\’t watch it. You can\’t. Let you take advantage of the loophole again. He had to give up and play with toys instead. A child\’s tantrum is probably the most troublesome thing for parents. It can make a charming little angel who can impress us with just a smile turn into the most annoying devil on the earth in the blink of an eye. . Most of the time, due to the action of mirror neurons in the brain, seeing a child throw a tantrum causes us to throw a tantrum as well because it activates memories of our past irritability and pain. There are also some parents who are trying to restrain themselves, which may be effective at first, but when their children go too far, they finally can\’t help but burst into even greater anger. In fact, restraint alone is not enough. Only by understanding the reasons for the child\’s tantrum can we find an effective way to deal with it. Still remember why my children always lost their temper? Something about the upper brain and lower brain? The lower brain is responsible for the body\’s basic functions (such as breathing and blinking), innate reactions and impulses (such as fighting and avoiding), and strong emotions (such as anger and fear), while the upper brain controls humans\’ advanced analytical thinking abilities. , such as decision-making, emotional control, self-understanding, empathy, morality, etc. Since the brain is divided into upper and lower layers, we can imagine that losing temper also hasTwo different types: upper rage and lower rage. Daniel Siegel, in his book Whole Brain Parenting, says that upper level rage is when a child decides to throw a tantrum, makes a conscious choice to act, pushes a button and starts terrorizing you until he gets what he wants. Despite his exaggeration and his sincere pleas, he can still stop being angry at any time. If you are smart, you may have guessed that Rooney\’s tantrum this time was the anger of the upper management. Because his brain is not completely held hostage by the lower brain, the upper brain can still function, and he can control his emotions and body well. To deal with a child\’s upper-level anger, empathy is useless. It will only make him intensify. According to my practical experience, the best way to respond is: withdraw from the battlefield and be a good audience! When you put yourself out of the situation and watch as an audience, you can not only judge more clearly whether a child\’s tantrum is caused by upper-level anger or lower-level anger, but you can also see your own emotional changes more clearly and make timely adjustments. Remember, when your child is at the top of his anger, the more you fight with him, the more violent he will get because his goal is to get your attention. However, you need to pay attention to the following three points when using this method: first, make sure that the child\’s tantrum is caused by upper-level anger, and his request is unreasonable; second, you must always remain calm rather than holding back your anger ( It’s better to vent it out directly. Children prefer the real you than you who pretend to be gentle); Thirdly, this method is not suitable for children under two years old, because they do not yet have the ability to deliberately cry to achieve their own goals. ability, we should try our best to meet their needs in a timely manner. If they cannot be met, it is best to use empathy and diversion.