To parents: Blind “hardship education” is meaningless and may even ruin your children

In recent years, hardship education has become very popular. Many parents believe that today\’s children live too comfortable and easy lives, resulting in weak willpower and lack of ability to withstand setbacks, so they deliberately create hardship for their children. Does the more hardship a person endures, the stronger his will and the greater his achievements? The answer is of course no. The saying that suffering makes people stronger is survivorship bias. For more people and more often, suffering and setbacks will only make people feel discouraged, give up on themselves, and lose the confidence and courage to move forward. It is not suffering that makes life successful, but the faith, love and dreams in our hearts when we face difficulties that become the armor of our lives. CCTV recommends over 500 high-scoring excellent documentaries. Children will become addicted to self-discipline after watching it. Many parents may worry that society is very realistic and will not treat their children as kindly as parents. If you let your children suffer enough and suffer enough, they will be able to better adapt to society in the future. However, if parents treat their children badly because the world is not good enough or perfect, and use the name of education to make their children get used to hypocrisy, ugliness, setbacks and suffering, then what else in this world is worth their children’s nostalgia? The reason why children are still attached to life and have expectations for the future is not because they are convinced that there is truth, goodness and beauty in the world, and no matter what difficulties they go through, they always have a home to go back to, a light is always on, and a love is always waiting for them. Are you there? As the famous British psychologist Winnicott said: \”Children must confirm that they can go home at any time before they can move forward with peace of mind.\” Another major misunderstanding in hard-working education is to simplify and simplify the attribution of success. ization and mechanization. Many parents believe in the concept that \”you can become a better person only if you endure hardships.\” There are too many people in this world who can endure hardships, but not many who can achieve success and fame. Education is based on helping children become healthy, self-reliant, ordinary people who love life. Whether a child will succeed in the future and whether he can endure hardship is only one aspect. It also depends on the individual\’s talent, understanding, love, character, family background, luck and era. Parents only focus on making their children endure hardship, and it is easy to ignore the role of other factors and conditions in success, risking everything. The famous international sculptor Mr. Cai Zhisong said in an exclusive interview: \”There is nothing to mention before mentioning hardship. Many people mistakenly believe that success can only be achieved through hardship. In fact, this is not the case. Countless people have endured countless hardships, but few have succeeded. . The most important thing is our thinking, our wisdom, and our choice. If you can succeed by enduring hardship, it means that success can be replicated, and you can achieve whatever you want, but the world is not this world.\” I have always thought , Compared with enduring hardship, if a person can know himself, be diligent in thinking, learn to choose, find his own talents and passions, and devote himself to them, it is easier to achieve success and achievement. Too much emphasis on enduring hardship is essentially using tactical diligence to cover up strategic laziness. Success is actually a compensation for one\’s cognition, not a reward for hardship. Deliberately giving children hard food will not only be unhelpful in improving their ability to resist frustration, but will also damage the parent-child relationship and create a sense of deprivation in the child. Because even if the parents are well-intentioned, this kind of deliberate suffering is passed on to the children\’s parents\’ immediate feelings towards the children.Unacceptance, dissatisfaction and distrust of life status and abilities. The first thing a child feels is the denial and disgust of his parents, which will weaken the child\’s self-esteem, self-confidence and vitality, making the child think that he is not worthy of a happy and happy life. Only by maintaining a hard-working life can we win the approval of our parents and gain a sense of security. At the same time, deliberate hard-working education can easily put the parent-child relationship directly into a state of confrontation, causing children to feel disgust, rebellion, and even hatred towards their parents, making it impossible to build a strong life connection and healthy attachment relationship between parents and children. In a certain sense, it can even be said that encountering parents who deliberately make their children suffer is the biggest hardship for their children. I have a friend whose family\’s financial situation is pretty good, but in order to cultivate the hard-working character of his children, he has been fostering his children with his grandparents in the countryside before going to school. When the child was about to enter elementary school, this friend took him back to live in the city. As a result, not only did the child not become more independent and strong, but because he had been separated from his parents for a long time, he lacked a sense of security and belonging, became emotional when things happened, and had no close relationship with his parents, which made his friends regretful. There is also a type of so-called hard education, which is not really intended to improve children\’s abilities and qualities, but is a form of punishment from parents to their children. For example, news such as \”Dad took a boy who was tired of studying to move steel bars at the construction site\” and \”Mom made him swill buckets and pick up noodles when he complained about the hardship of studying\”. Such parents usually stand on the moral high ground and warn their children, \”If you don\’t suffer the hardship of studying, you will have to do it.\” \”Eat the hardships of life\”, adding drama to yourself and brainwashing your children. However, a child can go back to school today because he hates the pain of labor, and tomorrow he will give up studying and do other easier things because he hates the pain of reading. Learning and reading are essentially curiosity and exploration of the unknown. A person who loves life and labor will not be bad at learning or reading. Because learning and reading itself is a kind of life and a kind of labor. As parents, we need to understand that a child\’s ability to withstand setbacks does not depend on how much suffering he has endured, but on how much love and hope he has stored in his heart. This requires parents to live out their own happiness and value first, so that their children can see their parents\’ love for and cherish life. In an adult world that is pessimistic, boring, bitter and full of hatred, it is difficult for children to have a vision for the future. At the same time, we should try our best to let our children feel the unconditional love of their parents and experience heartfelt happiness when they are young, so as to plant the seeds of light, beauty and hope in their hearts. When children encounter various setbacks and hardships in the future, only the heart that has been nourished by love can develop the power to avoid collapse, not to despair, not to be pessimistic, not to give up, to have attachment to life, and to have reverence for life. Have confidence in yourself, be convinced that this world is worth it, and the years can be expected.