To raise a boy, mothers must know how to “abdicate”

Compared with the girl\’s well-behaved and sensible nature. Why do boys have so many problems? A mother said that her son, who had just entered the first grade of elementary school, was talked to because he could not abide by the school rules. The teacher said sincerely: \”He often fails to abide by school rules at school. He shouts loudly when quiet situations are needed, and chases in classrooms where running is not allowed. When he raises his hand to answer a question in class, he does it by himself without the teacher\’s permission. Stand up and tell the answer. When the students were lining up, he left the line alone and ran around on the edge. He felt that he was not wrong and had no intention of controlling it.\” This is a problem faced by many parents of boys. question. I remember that one of my former colleagues was often interviewed by a kindergarten teacher. He said that the child could not sit still in the classroom and often ran around during class, sometimes standing at the door. In the end, she could only take the child home, but she didn\’t know what to do? What happened to our boy? Nowadays, many families hold a liberal and relaxed educational philosophy. Is it wrong to respect the nature of children? In the school, an environment transitioning towards society. For the first time, children who are accustomed to freedom will feel uncomfortable with rules. Many parents who advocate the concept of liberal education believe that children should follow their nature to explore, and are opposed to such suppression by schools. However, do we also need to reflect on our family education methods? For example, the absence of a father and the weakening or even loss of children\’s sense of rules. Only by understanding our boy can we love him better. Scientific research shows that boys have 15 times more testosterone than girls, but serotonin, which makes people feel calm, is much lower in boys than girls. Therefore, boys are naturally more impulsive, adventurous, and aggressive than girls. \”Don\’t jump!\”, \”Quiet!\”, \”Sit tight!\” This may be what mothers say to boys the most, if the child is disobedient. You will be very annoyed. But if your child really obeys your instructions, you may find that he has turned into a boy who is timid and easily nervous. How to make him wilder may become a new problem for you. problem. The old proverb once said: It takes a village to raise a child. No matter how strong a mother is, she cannot raise a boy well alone. When a child is 0-3 years old, the mother\’s careful care and giving will give the child an initial sense of security. But at the age of 3, or even older, the father\’s role becomes prominent. Every child needs parental care, but as they grow older, boys and girls gradually develop different growth needs. But boys like adventure and excitement, and dad is more comfortable doing these things. Mothers must know how to abdicate and let fathers participate. When Japanese educator Hayao Kawai mentioned \”paternal education\”, he said that in the modern environment where small families mainly raise children, a very common problem is: \”The upbringing of children is very difficult.\” It is easy to fall into a closed mother-child relationship.\” \”The mother deprives the father of the right to raise children.\” The reality is that many fathers are not as good as mothers. Frizzy dads are always kicked out of their children in infancy. Because you can’t take care of a newborn baby carelessly, but you can also consider asking fathers to change diapers.The work of soaking milk powder. Hug your children more and talk to them more. Cultivate a sense of intimacy between parent and child and prepare for the next stage. Unfortunately, many dads have never been involved. And mothers are being pushed to become more and more powerful. What impact will such a result have on children? Li Weirong, the master of structural family therapy, said: Parents and children are not as good as distant children! This statement comes from her decades of experience in family therapy: families where the mother and son are too \”sticky\” and the father has no place to stand are most likely to raise problematic children. If your mother occupies this seat in the family and acts like the \”boss\” at home, while your father \”submits himself\” and has no say, you are actually telling him that this is how a man should be. As a result, the child will really become more and more like his father. Or show the other extreme and sneer at his father. Therefore, mothers should help fathers establish authority in front of boys, instead of belittling their husbands and allowing themselves to have absolute say. If you want your child to be closer to his father, then the premise is to respect the child\’s father and be close to him. Otherwise, under the influence of your words and attitude, your children will learn how you treat their father. I once met a boy who cursed his silent father with vicious words. As soon as his father was about to speak, the child\’s mother came over and scolded him, not giving him a chance to speak. If a boy denies his father in his heart. Then there will always be a hole left in his personality development that cannot be healed. Many people think that when a child is young and he is not sensible, it does not matter whether his father has any influence on him. But in fact, children of different ages have an inherent need to connect with their father, especially if there are boys in the family. Without a father involved in child care, it is often the boy who suffers the most. Because father\’s love gives children a sense of direction. As for the understanding of the three words \”sense of direction\”, I think it is the sense of order brought by rules. Just like when we drive, the traffic rules let everyone know how to drive, so that everything will not get messed up. We establish a sense of rules for our children, not to restrain them, but to protect them. I often play outside with my son. You will find something very interesting. Children are constantly testing all safety standards, as well as rules and discipline. They will take risks freely and boldly in an environment they consider safe. Some actions look dangerous to us, such as climbing some relatively high steps and railings. But they have already tried many times. If we can discover it in time and give him some guidance. Children will feel more at ease and sometimes invite adults to play with them. But boys\’ nature dictates that they prefer to challenge order. Therefore, if the family respects his nature, the child will show strong creativity. But without a sense of rules, he will lose his sense of direction after entering school. Don\’t know what to do? Finally, I hit a wall and was criticized, and then I thought about rebelling and running away. In addition to providing support, consideration and care to boys, fathers are also responsible for disciplining and even punishing boys. Boys without fathers are more likely to have problems in adolescenceBloody, scarred, and even mentally defeated from which he would never fully recover. When a boy is 3-6 years old, his father must be involved in raising him. Because the role of a father inherently carries a \”rule\” component. I\’ve always tried to respect the development of my child\’s nature, so I\’ve been faced with his tantrums and rebellion at times. My family will say that I missed too much. But I understand that when it’s time to set rules, I won’t show any mercy. So we have a rule stick at home that I rolled up myself in newspaper. I usually put it on top of the refrigerator and rarely use it. But it comes in handy when you break the rules. Because I believe that children with a sense of rules can find the collective rules when they enter a group. Entering society can abide by its rules. Do children who follow the rules become timid? No, such children are more confident and secure. Because they know what they do is right, and such behavior will bring good results. On the contrary, they are children who lack awareness of rules. He looks very free and easy, but in fact, he is always suffering from tangles in his heart. I don\’t know how to adapt to this strange environment, and I often get hit and miss. This is one reason why teenagers who are arrogant and rebellious on the surface are extremely fragile on the inside. If you have a boy at home, please remember: Mom must know how to abdicate, and Dad must return as soon as possible.