To raise a child who talks to his parents about everything, you only need to do one thing

Last month, when I came back from Japan, the flight was delayed on taking off due to weather conditions. People sitting on the plane waiting were scrolling boredly on their mobile phones. While the children were asleep, I quickly responded to friends’ WeChat messages and found that my friend W sent a series of voice messages, which made me anxious. One day, W went to pick up her 5-year-old daughter from kindergarten and found that her daughter\’s hair, which was originally tied into a ponytail, was hanging down. I thought it was because I woke up from a nap and the teacher didn\’t have time to comb the braids, but the teacher explained that the children were not allowed to comb their braids and had to wear them. It was so hot in the summer with her hair down. When W asked her daughter why, she just lowered her head and said she liked it that way. In the evening, it was time to take a bath, but my daughter was reluctant to enter the bathroom. Seeing his daughter\’s hair disheveled and sweating on her forehead, W realized something was wrong. She pretended to be relaxed and chatting with her daughter, carried her daughter into the bathroom, lifted up the hair on the back of her daughter\’s neck, and suddenly discovered a few bloody streaks on the back of her daughter\’s neck. The injury was not serious, it looked like a scratch, and it had scabbed over. The daughter realized that her mother had discovered her \”secret\” and was very nervous. She shook her head and said to her mother: \”I didn\’t mean it, Mom, it doesn\’t hurt at all, it really doesn\’t hurt…\” At this point, W choked up. Compared to those scratches, the fear in her daughter\’s eyes made her heartache even more. \”It\’s so hot, and the child just covers the wound under her hair like that. It hurts so much when she\’s sweating. How afraid is she of being discovered by me, so she keeps enduring the pain without making a sound?\” W was very sad. She thought she was right. The daughter\’s love is meticulous, but she suddenly discovered that her daughter was bullied outside and she didn\’t dare to let her mother know. If a daughter dares not tell her mother when something happens, how should the mother care for and protect her daughter? I can understand W’s mood. Classmate June Zhe just celebrated her 4th birthday, and I would like to share with you what I have gained from being a mother in the past 4 years. As a birthday present for our child, we took him to Thomas Land at Fuji-Q Highland in Japan. There were not many people in the park, and the children ran around happily all day. When I returned to the hotel in the evening and changed his clothes, I found that his knee was bruised and scabbed. Seeing me observing his wounds, his first reaction was to dodge, took his pants and put them on his legs, mumbling: \”It doesn\’t hurt, I don\’t feel pain…\” I felt very distressed, just like W, not because The child was injured because the child was so nervous and scared about the injury. After thinking about it, I didn\’t ask him if it hurt like I usually do. Instead, I smiled pretending to be relaxed, helped him put on his pants, and said, \”It\’s not a big deal. Mom used to fall a lot when she was a child, and in the summer, her knees also get old.\” It\’s injured.\” Classmate Zhe asked quickly: \”Is it like on my knee?\” \”Yes, that\’s it. It will bleed a little, and then a layer of scab will form. When the scab falls off, the wound will heal. Remember Don\’t pick at that scab, it will bleed again.\” He nodded, and then we washed together and read picture books before going to bed, until we turned off the lights and lay on the bed, holding his little body, I asked softly: \”Can you tell mom where you fell today?\” \”It was in Thomas Paradise, in the cave with water.\” He gestured to me. \”Why didn\’t you tell your mother at that time?\” \”I was afraid that my mother would be anxious and angry.\”In retrospect, every time I saw him injured, I would anxiously ask him if it hurt, and tell him in a warning tone not to do this or that, as if as long as he remembered what I said, he would not be hurt. But I am really so anxious because I care about him and love him, not because I am angry. I hugged him tightly: \”Mom will not be angry because you are injured, although sometimes she seems anxious. Mom just wants to help you. Do you believe that mother can help you when you encounter difficulties and dangers?\” \”I believe it.\” .\” \”Then, when you think you may need help, come and tell your mother, okay?\” \”Okay.\” My child, I\’m sorry that my \”care is chaos\” has brought you stress and even fear. I have always believed that \”the child is the flesh that fell from the mother\’s body\” is true, but now I finally realize the fact: from the moment the child leaves my body, it no longer belongs to anyone, including me. Although he has always shown a high need for my attention, this does not mean that no matter how much I love him, he must accept it unconditionally. After arguing for a long time, I love him purely because I like it and it has nothing to do with him. I have no right to ask him to understand and accept my love 100%. He just needs me to help him in a way that he is willing to accept, that\’s all. Q is well-known in the mother group for asking questions. Every time she appears, she will be anxious and seek help from everyone. In September last year, Q\’s son had just turned three years old and was in a small class in kindergarten. He was not used to it when he first entered the kindergarten. Every morning, there was a \”life and death\” scene at the entrance of the kindergarten. Q asked anxiously in the group, will this affect the child\’s sense of security? Is it because the kindergarten teacher has a bad attitude that the child doesn’t want to go? Should I take my child home for a while and wait until he is older before entering the kindergarten? etc. Dear mothers, please give me some advice. Several \”experiencers\” used their personal experiences to teach Q, telling her that nine out of ten children have experienced separation anxiety when entering kindergarten. Mother\’s trust in kindergarten is very important, and children will learn from their mother\’s positive affirmation of kindergarten. He found self-confidence and security in his attitude… After a month, the child successfully adapted to collective life. But a new problem arose. Q found that his son\’s face and arms would have scratches every now and then, and they were not serious. It looked like they were caused by children, but Q couldn\’t sit still and asked everyone how to prevent children from being bullied. , should I report this situation to the teacher and ask the teacher to take more care? Then there was the most recent chat. She left a message on my WeChat at three in the morning because \”she was thinking about her children and woke up in the middle of the night and couldn\’t fall back to sleep.\” It turned out that after reporting the child\’s \”injury\” problem to the teacher many times, she discovered that the teacher implemented \”special protection\” for the child. During free activities, the child was not allowed to play and run with other children, and some climbing and climbing game facilities were not allowed. Don\’t let children play either. Q was very angry and felt that the child had been unfairly restricted, isolated and isolated. Q\’s love for her son is undoubted, and she is always thinking about how to take good care of her son. But judging from the current situation, Q\’s many cares actually add to the burden on the children\’s collective life. A few days ago, I was chatting with a friend who works in a university and heard somethingVery tragic. A professor and his wife in that university had been in a relationship for many years, but in order to keep their children in a stable learning state, they never divorced, and they always looked like they were in love with each other in front of their children. Until not long ago, the college entrance examination was over, the children performed stably, and the college admission notice was just around the corner. The couple finally went to get the divorce certificate. When they came back, they told their children that their parents had wanted to divorce for a long time, but they had persisted until now just to not affect your studies and allow you to go to college smoothly. According to the usual understanding in the past, should children be grateful for their parents’ love for them and their parents’ patience and sacrifice over the years? The professor and his wife may have thought so too. However, the child who knew the truth committed suicide by jumping off the building that night. News about the \”surge in divorce rates after the college entrance examination\” circulates every year. This one is the saddest thing I have ever heard. It turns out that sometimes the self-righteous love of adults is too heavy for children to bear. I watched a movie many years ago. I can’t remember the title, but there is a detail in it that has always been imprinted in my mind – the boy was beaten at school, came home with a black eye, and was preparing dinner. The mother was surprised when she saw the child. Then she calmed down and asked calmly: \”Do you need my help?\” The son lowered his head and replied: \”No, I can do it.\” \”Okay, if you need it, I will always be there. \”Just a few words of dialogue, I am deeply moved every time I think about it. How much love does a child need from us? When he was still an infant and had no ability to take care of himself, of course he needed our best care and every detail; when he gradually grew up and began to let go of our hands and walk on his own, even if he was unsteady and would fall, we had no choice but to Force yourself to be calm and watch him get up and move forward; when he leaves home and walks into a strange group, the people around him will definitely not be friendly, but there will also be malice. When you see him hurt, no matter how heartbroken you are, you still need to keep an appropriate distance and care without caring. If he behaves randomly, watch him learn to protect himself little by little; when he has his own judgment of right and wrong and life circle, even if you can no longer understand the words and deeds of him and his friends, the best thing to do is to give moderate suggestions and not to control or interfere. If we do this, we can form a friend-like parent-child relationship with our children, right? When children are sad or sad, they can always think of their parents, and they feel happy just thinking about them.