Tsinghua professor: Children who talk a lot and those who talk little will lead completely different lives 20 years later

Recently, I accidentally watched an interview with Tsinghua professor Peng Kaiping. In the interview, he mentioned this point of view: \”What kind of talents are needed in the future? The future needs talents that cannot be replaced by artificial intelligence. There are at least two particularly important skills, one is complex thinking, and the other is the ability to communicate. So we On the one hand, we must cultivate children\’s imagination, creativity, and divergent thinking abilities; on the other hand, we must cultivate children who can speak, express, communicate, infect, promote, and summon.\” In the eyes of Professor Peng Kaiping, speaking is what human beings do. One of the most significant advantages. \”In the future, we Chinese cannot just be satisfied with doing things. We must formulate rules and become world leaders. What do leaders do? Can speak and summon some people!\” Speaking seems to be a very ordinary thing. But in real life, many children have caused too many misunderstandings and conflicts because they \”cannot speak\”, and they have suffered a lot from being \”dumb\” because they are \”taciturn\”. As written in the book \”Crucial Conversations\”: \”Most of the things that affect life, if you study carefully, you will find that they are caused by poor communication.\” Therefore, it is particularly important to cultivate a child who can talk and loves to talk. Children who talk a lot have smarter brains. As early as 1861, French surgeon Broca discovered that the brain and language are closely related. In recent years, with the development of brain imaging technology, scientists have further confirmed that there are two locations in our brain, namely: Broca\’s area, responsible for organizing language; and Wernicke\’s area, responsible for understanding language. In the process of learning and using language, corresponding areas in the brain will also be activated. British scholars have further confirmed through experiments that if the brain is impacted by a large amount of verbal information for a long time, brain function will even change. Such an experiment was published in the magazine \”Nature\”: researchers selected 88 subjects and scanned their brains through technology. The results found that bilinguals who \”talk\” a lot (can be understood as people who master and use two languages ​​​​a lot) have significantly increased gray matter density. Generally speaking, the higher the density of gray matter in the brain, the better the performance on intelligence tests and the higher the IQ. In addition, experiments also found that changes in gray matter density are closely related to age. In other words, the earlier a child\’s language skills are developed, the higher the density of gray matter in the child\’s brain will be and the higher the IQ will be. After reviewing a large amount of information, I also found that children who talk a lot are not only smarter and more focused, but also have certain advantages in learning strategies, problem solving, cognitive abilities, etc. Therefore, children with strong language expression skills have a more promising future. Behind every \”talkative\” child stands a parent who knows how to talk. Whether a child can express himself or not, the influence of the family is crucial. Linguist Hoff conducted an experiment: He found 33 mothers with a college degree or above and worked in technical or management positions based on their academic qualifications and positions, and called them \”high SES mothers.\” We also found 30 mothers with a high school education or below, working in unskilled and service positions, and called them \”low SES mothers.\” The content of his experiment was to observe the daily interactions between mothers and children in the family.talk. The results show that when high-SES mothers talk to their children, they are better than low-SES mothers in terms of number of sentences, sentence length, and vocabulary richness. Correspondingly, the vocabulary mastered by children of high-SES mothers far exceeds that of children of low-SES mothers. What’s even more shocking is that this gap is not just a tiny bit, but a “vocabulary gap” of thirty million. Several American scholars once conducted a famous study. They tracked the vocabulary development of children from 42 groups of professional families (that is, middle-class and above families), working-class families, and low-income families for two and a half years. Researchers found that: in professional families, parents speak an average of about 2,153 words to their children per hour; in working-class families, about 1,251 words; and in low-income families, about 616 words. By the time a child is 4 years old, the vocabulary gap between children from professional families and children from low-income families has reached as high as 32 million words. Researchers believe this is because parents in high-income families spend more time with their children and pay more attention to interacting with their children. In low-income families, parents are busy working and have less communication with their children. Feynman, the Nobel Prize winner in physics, once mentioned in his autobiography that one of the ways his father educated and enlightened him was through chatting. Once, his father read \”Encyclopedia Britannica\” with him and read the part about dinosaurs. The book writes: \”It (the dinosaur) was 25 feet tall and its head was 6 feet wide.\” If you are an ordinary parent, you may have finished reading this sentence. But Feynman\’s father paused and turned on chatty mode to his son: \”Let\’s see what that means? That means if it stood in our front yard, it would be enough to stick its head in the window.\” . However, it may also encounter some trouble. Its head is too wide and may break the glass…\” Parents are always the best ferrymen for their children. If you want to harvest an excellent child, parents must first learn to chat and sow the seeds of knowledge and wisdom in the child\’s heart. How to communicate with children? Parents must keep in mind the \”two dos and don\’ts\”. There was an online survey on the daily chatting time of parents and children. The data showed: \”Among 4,000 primary school students\’ families, 34.53% were able to chat for about 10 minutes; 34.53% were able to chat for 20 minutes. 27.14%; those who can chat for half an hour account for 31.1%. Only 7% of children can chat with their parents for one hour or more every day.\” Many children are unwilling to chat with their parents because they feel that their parents are too purposeful and talk about the most topics every day. It’s “study and homework”. In fact, if you want to stay close to your children and have a good conversation, you only need to master these few points: (1) When asking questions, you must respect the characteristics of your children. Once, I was dining at McDonald\’s and witnessed a terrible incident. Parent-child communication. Mom: \”What did you learn today?\” Daughter: \”…\” Mom: \”You just took the class half an hour ago and have you forgotten it now?\” Daughter: \”No.\” Mom: \”Then you can tell me!\” Daughter: \”Well… just the usual ones.\” Mom: \”You kid, you don\’t say anything all day long, just like a boring gourd!\” In fact, the kidWhen I was a child, my vocabulary was limited, and my memory was mainly based on image memory and short-term memory. When faced with broad questions from my parents, I usually couldn\’t give a perfect answer. If parents do not understand these characteristics, they will feel that their children are prevaricating, perfunctory, and unwilling to chat with them. At this time, you may wish to assist with other communication methods. For example, when parents find that their children cannot answer their questions immediately, parents should adjust their language in a timely manner and ask questions in a way that the children can understand and understand easily. At the same time, make good use of body language, hug the child, and kiss the child\’s forehead to calm the child\’s anxiety. You can also draw and sing with your children, and then ask targeted questions to your children after understanding their thoughts in a more intuitive way. When praising, add specific details. Many parents only say things like \”My baby was great today\”, \”What a polite child\”, \”That\’s awesome\” when praising their children. Rather than summarizing your child\’s behavior in a single word. Describing more details when praising children can not only make the children feel the parents\’ sincerity, but also enrich the children\’s vocabulary. For example, the child took the initiative to help his mother wash the dishes today. You can say: \”Baby, after dinner today, you took the initiative to help mom wash the dishes and washed them so cleanly. It\’s really great. What surprised mom the most was that after washing, you also knew how to use a rag to dry the water in the bowl. , is really attentive, and you can see that you are observing attentively at first glance. Can I give you a hug for the hard-working, caring and lovely you?\” (2) Don\’t ask two questions that can be answered with \”yes\” and \”no\”. In life, there are many Parents understand the importance of communication, but they do not understand communication skills. Frequently ask children questions such as \”Are you happy today?\”, \”Did you listen carefully in class?\”, \”Do you remember what you are going to do when you get home?\” After the children answered \”happy\”, \”listened\”, and \”remembered\”, they no longer knew how to continue the topic. In fact, the way you ask questions is more important than the content of the chat. Parents can use words such as \”what\”, \”how\” and \”why\” when asking questions to mobilize their children\’s thinking and enrich communication topics: ①Interesting questions Parents can use their children\’s points of interest and present questions in a variety of ways to Attract the child\’s attention and guide the child to continue speaking. For example: \”Baby, I see you are so happy today, is it because the teacher took you to draw?\” \”What did you draw today? Can you teach me how to draw?\” \”It turns out that the teacher taught you a new way to draw. The method of drawing birds is really interesting. Apart from this, what other methods of drawing birds do you remember?\” ② Inspiring questions are exactly what the saying goes: \”Don\’t be angry, don\’t be enlightened, don\’t be angry, don\’t be angry.\” The Encyclopedia of Parenting Communication Skills Allows \”Stupid\” Children to Go to Famous Schools Electronic Version Download When parents ask questions, they can ask their children to give examples and describe their own experiences, etc., so that children can connect new and old knowledge and express themselves in a diverse way. For example: \”Is what the teacher taught in class today different from yesterday?\” \”Oh, the distance, then which one do you think is closer, the distance to school or the distance to grandpa\’s house? Why?\” How did you know?\” If you don\’t understand the cause and effect, don\’t speak. Before that, I saw a highly liked short video on Douyin.. The content of the video is the daily conversation between a mother and her daughter. Once, when her daughter was about to do her homework, her mother suddenly came back. Unexpectedly, her mother asked her daughter indiscriminately: \”When you heard that I came back, did you start pretending?\” Another time, my daughter came home with a test paper that scored 92 points. . Instead of praising her, her mother questioned whether she had copied her classmates’ answers. There are so many similar things, and no matter what the mother asks her daughter, she is unwilling to speak. When parents are unsure of the cause and effect, they would rather remain silent than make random guesses based on their own experience. Many times, children close the channels of heart and language because of these uncertain words. There is a sentence in \”The Little Prince\”: \”The most conquering weapon in the world is language. One sentence can make a person\’s mood fall to the bottom, and one sentence can also make a person regain his strength.\” Language can become A stepping stone on a child\’s path to success can also become a stumbling block. Raising a child who can talk is a lifelong practice for parents. Chatting well and communicating with children more are the best gifts parents can give their children.