Tsinghua professor: Raising children to be \”thick-skinned\” will give them more advantages in the future

A while ago, a girl in military training in Guizhou became popular all over the Internet when she sang \”Mouth Dudu\”. Look at this magical singing voice and exaggerated movements, everyone present was made to laugh. After the video was uploaded to Douyin, it instantly attracted more than 5 million views and more than 100,000 likes! Everyone praised her for being confident and cheerful, but some people questioned her for being too clumsy and shameless. In response to this, the girl patted her chest and said, \”What kind of face do I want? I just want to live a different life!\” The drama scenes of girls in military training reminded me of the recently popular \”social badass syndrome\”. In life, children with strong social skills are indeed very lovable. No matter where they go or who they interact with, they can easily bring up the atmosphere of the scene and are very handy. Children with strong social skills will be better in the future. Li Meijin once said frankly in \”Round Table School\”: Parents should make their children \”thick-skinned\” from an early age. As the name suggests, it is to cultivate their \”socially awesome\” character, because such children are not afraid of judgment and have a strong heart. Once, the host asked Sa Beining: How come you became the director of a radio station when you first went to Peking University? Sa Beining scratched his head and replied calmly: \”It\’s because I\’m thick-skinned. I volunteered at that time, and I was the only one in the class who raised my hand!\” Those children with strong social skills tend to have a smoother life path. This is the case for Zhang Zifeng, a young flower born in 1995. When she was 4 years old, she went to Henan to participate in a children\’s talent show. Facing the camera, she showed no stage fright. Instead, she performed a classic opening line, which is still unforgettable: \”People are floating in the world, but Zifeng doesn\’t get stabbed. Why doesn\’t he get stabbed? Because he has a unique trick.\” One is that I am cute, the other is that I am lively, and the third is that I can dance. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. Anyway, I have so many talents.\” All the judges present were amused, and one of them even called Mother Zhang aside: \”It\’s a pity that your child is left in Henan. You can consider taking her to Beijing to have a try.\” From then on, the brilliant stardom of \”National Girl\” Zhang Zifeng began. But there are many people who are famous for right and wrong, and there are constant criticisms along the way. Faced with the gossip from the outside world, she always looks calm and composed. How to overcome social phobia? How to cultivate your child\’s social intelligence electronic version It is precisely in this way that Zhang Zifeng can have a better mentality to develop his career, polish his acting skills, and become a new generation of small actor. Just like the Japanese writer Junichi Watanabe said: \”Faced with the various problems of all living beings, some people are obsessed with it, some people don\’t care much, and some people turn a blind eye. In this regard, people have different feelings, but there is one thing It is very clear that only by ignoring all kinds of unpleasant problems can we live a cheerful and magnanimous life.\” Some people say that children with strong social skills will be more comfortable in the future and get twice the result with half the effort. But the sad thing is that in real life, children with \”social phobia\” account for the majority. The thinner the skin, the more likely it is for children to have problems. A few days ago, my best friend complained to me about her daughter: \”She failed to do well in an exam, and she fell into despair. When the teacher criticized her, she immediately turned red and wanted to crawl through the cracks in the ground. . Even when eating, she kept her head down and said nothing, not daring to talk to her colleagues at all.Learn to communicate. \”In recent years, there have been more and more glass-hearted children like this. Studies have shown that 46% of children in our country have varying degrees of glass-hearted children. They are sensitive and fragile, and will immediately fall into panic when they encounter criticism and accusations. , will even become depressed because of a look or a word from others. Just like my child, he has been thin-skinned since he was a child. During holidays, other children would perform performances for his grandparents. When it was his turn, he covered his face. He trotted up behind me and tugged on his clothes to show weakness: \”Mom, I don\’t dare. \”When he went out to play, he saw many children catching small fish in groups, and his eyes were full of envy. But when I suggested that he go over and say hello, he immediately turned away and never had the courage to take this step. . What impressed me the most was when my son was in fourth grade. At that time, his grades were pretty good, but he was criticized by the teacher in class because he was careless and made a mistake on a very simple question. After returning home, he fell into disgrace. He didn’t cry either. While eating, he suddenly asked me melancholy: “Mom, the teacher criticized me today, does she dislike me? And everyone in the class saw it, now they don’t like me anymore, right? \”After hearing this, I was stunned. Because I specifically asked my son\’s classmates, the teacher\’s criticism was actually very kind, and the tone was not very bad. How could such a small incident turn into an abyss when it came to my son? ? \”Glass heart\” and \”thin-skinned\” are like shackles, restricting a child\’s happiness and growth. Such children, even if faced with the opportunity to succeed, find it difficult to have the courage to step out and fight for themselves. Gradually, Their mentality will be narrower and their life path will be more difficult. How to cultivate children with strong social skills? Children\’s introversion is generally divided into two types. [Authoritative Classic Collection] How to improve emotional intelligence and social skills picture book learnig to get along 15 volumes PDF+MP3+Translation One type is born introverted, and parents should guide their children to find a path that suits them on the premise of respect. The other type is acquired introverted, because they have been suppressed a lot by their parents, and they naturally develop bad habits with social barriers. Habits, so parents should reverse this situation in time to allow their children to return to social confidence. Professor Carolyn Webster-Stratton, a clinical psychologist at the University of Washington, and Jamila Reid, a child clinical psychologist, found in the study: \”Children with strong social skills have better academic performance Children who lack social skills are more likely to perform poorly academically. \”One of the characteristics of those children with strong social skills is: thick skin. They dare to let go of their prejudices and walk in the world easily; even if they encounter hardships, they will have the determination and courage to come back to life. A Tsinghua professor also said: Children who are \”thick-skinned\” are very happy and are likely to succeed when they grow up! So, as a parent, how should you raise such children? Empathy: Think about the problem from the child\’s perspective. In order to cure my child\’s glassy heart, I started running The law of empathy in psychology. For example: A few days ago, my child came back and confided in me that the deputy monitor was handing out papers.Hou glanced at him, as if he was dissatisfied with him. I no longer looked stunned, nor did I make a fuss. Instead, I tried to start from a glass-hearted child, identify his emotions, and try to communicate with him: \”Baby, I understand you very much! If I am glanced at, Just one glance, and I will definitely be sad.\” My son suddenly raised his head and looked at me happily, which showed that his emotions had been affirmed and given positive feedback, so I then said, \”You know what? Mom goes to school. I was also glanced at by my deskmate at that time. At that time, I asked him to argue, but he suddenly burst into laughter and said that it was because there was sand in his eyes, not because he was glancing at me!\” Before I finished speaking, I saw my son and me. They laughed together. The essence of this kind of empathic conversation is that you need to fully accept your child\’s \”glass emotion\” and let him know that this emotion is common. When parents remove the emotional quagmire for their children, they will not fall deeply into it and become depressed and doubt themselves. 2. Encouragement: Approval from the heart of parents is the courage for children to move forward. When Yang Di first entered the hosting industry, he received a lot of doubts and objections with his unattractive face. But he has won a place in the hosting industry with his humor. Some people say: Without Yang Di, the show would be boring and unwatchable. He himself also confidently said: \”Without me in the hosting world, some happiness will be lost.\” This kind of inner courage and self-confidence depends entirely on the encouragement and affirmation of his parents. He explained: \”No matter what I do since I was a child, my mother has always said yes and never said a bad word. They constantly encourage me and affirm me, making me feel that I am really good.\” Many friends who follow Yang Di also agree. As you know, Yang Di’s mother is also a confident and optimistic person. She has attracted countless fans with her cheerful and lively personality. I believe that this kind of personality will continue to bring light and heat to Yang Di’s growth. In education, positive psychological suggestions are always the most effective way to improve self-confidence. If you think your child is too shy, then you should hint through his words and deeds that he is not a shy child. For example: Before, I wanted my child to send a fish to Grandma Wang next door, but he gave in for a long time and said Don\’t dare to go. As soon as I thought about it, I coaxed him: \”Grandma Wang praised you today, saying that you are brave and good at talking.\” When my son heard that Grandma Wang liked him so much, he quickly ran away with the fish. Facts have proven that a child who receives positive cues from an early age is more likely to have a healthy and sunny mentality when he grows up. Acceptance: Let us all become the best version of ourselves. Children are like all kinds of strange stones in nature. As creators, parents can turn stones into gold only if they have the courage to accept themselves. I have been a poor talker since I was a child, and because of this I have always been obsessed with my character. I shut myself in my study and seldom communicated with outsiders. When the child was born, I hoped that he would be generous. But contrary to expectations, the child turned out to have exactly the same personality as me. I began to place my hope in parenting books, but no matter how hard I tried, he remained the same. Yang Lan once said: Children’s Favorite 100 Traditional Chinese Stories MP3 Download 1.8G “Don’t put all your efforts on your children, if you enrich yourself, happy, responsible, and capable of emotional management, your children will imitate you. ” At that moment, I realized that from beginning to end, my energy had been in the wrong place. So, I learned not to be limited to my study room, but actively participated in many outdoor activities and parent-child activities. I no longer I felt inferior and timid due to my personality, but I completely accepted myself. Under this strong magnetic field, the child became much more cheerful. This \”educational effect of imitation\” is better than any of my previous educational achievements. Efficient. It turns out that only when parents stabilize their hearts and accept themselves, can their children move in the direction you want. Because the world is so weird, we are more inclined to cultivate a child with a strong heart. We hope that he will be optimistic, Big-hearted and strong. Such children will not be defeated by frustration or doubt. They seem to be like characters in a game. Not only do they have a suit of armor, they can also heal themselves and replenish their own energy when they fail. Such children , the world will look at him kindly when they see it.