What a terrifying power parents have over their children

Because the school requires it, my 5-year-old daughter started learning rope skipping. After not being able to jump for several days, the child\’s father became anxious: \”You can\’t jump like this, it\’s wrong…\” \”Look at how stupid you are, I\’m so anxious!\” The daughter soon became impatient, and finally simply pulled the rope. Throw it away, just give it up. Seeing that the situation was not right, I quickly called the father and daughter to stop. After two days of rest, I took my daughter to practice. All kinds of rainbow farts were used: \”You can learn how to swim, I believe you can do it this time too!\” \”Wow, you persisted for 10 more minutes today, and you successfully jumped. It\’s really good!\” \”Compared to Yesterday I jumped two more, you have made progress again!\” As a result, the child jumped more and more enthusiastically and kept practicing every day. After a few months, she was able to perform dozens of dances at a time. The same child behaves very differently just because adults treat her differently. This is actually the power of suggestion! Brain scientist Professor Hong Lan once said: \”The brain can be changed by language. It will constantly change the distribution of nerves due to external demands.\” When parents tell a child with certainty that you are smart and hardworking, you will definitely learn no problem. The child\’s brain will automatically input it and unconsciously use behavior to prove this expectation. As a result, the child\’s brain will become better and better, and his grades will become better and better. On the contrary, when parents always belittle their children, the child\’s brain will have the concept of \”I am bad, I can\’t do it\” and use various behaviors to \”prove\” the parents\’ words. Not only will the brain become \”stupid,\” but the entire life may fall into a vicious cycle. In psychology, this phenomenon is called a \”self-fulfilling prophecy.\” As psychiatrist Professor Susan Ward once said: \”Children will always believe what their parents say about themselves and turn it into their own ideas.\” The influence of hints on children really far exceeds ours. Imagine. Parents’ verbal evaluation of their children is a guide to their children’s behavior. Whether a child\’s future is good or bad is hidden in the parents\’ mouths. 02 \”My parents\’ negative hints ruined my life.\” This is a true story from CCTV\’s \”Psychological Interview\” column: 33-year-old girl Fan Jincheng has been living at home ten years after graduating from college. When asked why she didn\’t go out to work, the girl replied desperately: \”They clipped my wings, but they still blamed me for not being able to fly!\” Growing up, it was difficult for her to get support and encouragement from her parents. After finally making a meal, my mother said, \”It tastes terrible.\” She showed the shoes she designed to her parents, but they were told, \”What\’s the use?\” Her daughter wanted to start a business, but she was only teased: \”You\’ve made it. Dogs have become successful!\” Under the long-term suppression from his parents, Fan was indeed cowardly and had low self-esteem, and could not do anything well. After repeated studies, I barely managed to get into an ordinary university, but I became seriously afraid of society. I changed several jobs and finally resigned because I was not qualified. Recommended must-read parenting books for parents: Meet Your Child, Meet Your Better Self pdf What ruined her was the long-term negative hints from her parents. Some parents may think that it is for the good of their children that I \”beat\” them from time to time! As everyone knows, the subconscious mind cannot use negative sentences or turn around. When we criticize our children: Why do you always lie? What the child hears is: I am a liar. When we yell at our children: You don’t want itAlways make the room dirty! What the child hears is: I am just a dirty child. When we say to our children: Be careful, don’t catch another cold! What the child hears is: I am not in good health and get sick easily. Our purpose and intention may be to wish our children well, but constant reminders form a strong hint, and the children learn: \”I am just unlovable, bad, and problematic. My parents criticize me and scold me.\” , it’s all because I’m not good and I don’t deserve to be loved.” In the end, the child becomes what the parents call a “problem” child: he likes to lie, hates studying, has a lot of bad habits, and always gets sick at every turn…Hypnosis expert from Stanford University Dr. David Spiegel clearly pointed out: \”Before the age of 12, the human brain\’s information transmission pathway is not yet mature, and nearly 85% of children are extremely susceptible to hypnosis. Children aged 4-10 are most susceptible to hypnotic suggestions. “Children depend on their parents unconditionally. Whether their lives are positive or negative depends entirely on their parents\’ thoughts. 03 \”My mother\’s positive hints are the light of my life.\” The boy\’s name is Li Linqing. He was diagnosed with cerebral palsy when he was 1 year old. Not only is he unable to stand and walk, but only three fingers on his hands can move normally. Fortunately, Li Linqing\’s intelligence was not affected. His mother kept telling him, \”You are no different from normal children.\” She accompanied her son to study and learn to read, and insisted on sending him to a normal school to receive formal education. She always reminds her son, \”If you don\’t use your disability as an excuse, it will not stop you from doing everything you want to do.\” Whenever someone laughs at Li Linqing, and whenever harsh reality challenges mother and son again, her mother will stand firm. Be by your son\’s side and tell him with words and deeds: \”You have no problem.\” \”You will become what you want.\” \”You will always be the pride of my mother.\” After more than 20 years of studying, Li Linqing has overcome many difficulties and become a Bachelor\’s and master\’s degrees, and finally became the first disabled student to obtain a doctoral degree from the School of Computer Science and Technology of Soochow University with outstanding results. When he graduated with his PhD, Li Linqing summed up the past and said: \”If you are attacked by fate, the best counterattack is to counterattack it.\” After reading his story, many people sighed: No wonder it is said that the words of parents are the feng shui of their children throughout their lives. Every child grows up under hypnotic suggestions. Negative hints are like corrosives to the soul, causing a child to shrink back, feel inferior, and lose the courage to face difficulties. And positive, positive hints, like sunshine, shine on children\’s dark areas, making children optimistic and confident in overcoming difficulties. 04How parents can correctly apply \”hints\” to raise their children. George Bernard Shaw once said: \”Remember, our behavior is not affected by experience, but by expectations.\” If parents expect their children to become something with positive beliefs, they are likely to become something in the future. There is such a true story: a child was very active in school and could not sit still. The teacher specially found the child\’s mother and asked her to go back and \”discipline\” the child. After school, the mother said to her child, \”Do you know what the teacher said to me today? She said you were quieter than yesterday.3 minutes. \”The next day, the mother said to the child, \”The teacher said that you were quieter for 5 minutes more than yesterday. \”After a period of time, the child really paid attention to the class. This is the magic of positive hints. What should parents do to give their children as many positive hints as possible? Use less negative sentences and more affirmative sentences. For example, replace \”Don\’t be nervous, \”Don\’t be stressed\”, replace it with \”Relax and take your time\”; replace \”Don\’t stand so far forward when watching TV\” with \”Stand back\”. Discuss the matter as it is, and don\’t attack your personality at every turn. In particular, avoid the following disaster sentence patterns: \”You are as stupid as a pig\” \”I have never seen anyone as bad as you\” \”You let me down so much\”… Never say such final words to your children: \”You always…\” \”You It\’s always been…\” \”You just…\” In addition, use more positive language to modify the child\’s behavior: for example, when a child is playful and forgets to do his homework, don\’t say, \”I think you just didn\’t do it on purpose!\” \”Not conscious at all!\” You can say: \”Sometimes I forget the time to do my homework. I believe this incident is very rare. You already attach great importance to learning. I believe you will be more self-disciplined. If you need my help, just tell me.\” I. \”When children tend to miss questions and words when doing homework, don\’t say: \”You are always so careless!\” You can say: \”I believe you can do your own thing, but I will sort out the day\’s homework with you before going to bed to prepare for tomorrow.\” \”When a child hits someone, while stopping him, don\’t say, \”You are a troublemaker!\” You can say: \”You have always been a child with a sense of justice. Try to use other ways to communicate with others next time. I believe you will have better ways to solve problems in the future.\” \”When a child lies, don\’t say, \”There is no truth in his mouth!\” Will it be okay when you grow up? You can say: \”You were afraid of being criticized. You were afraid that your parents wouldn\’t love you, so you didn\’t tell the truth.\” You really want to be a good boy, I believe you have good intentions and it was not intentional. \”When a child doesn\’t dare to try, don\’t say, \”Be brave, what\’s the point?\” or \”Don\’t be so timid, it\’s too unmanly.\” You can look at your child with a smile and say firmly: \”I believe you can do it. Try again. I\’m with you.\” Or, \”When you think about it, let\’s try again. It doesn\’t matter if we can\’t do it; there are always more solutions than difficulties.\” \”… Some parents may ask, does this mean that they cannot criticize their children at all, and can only be careful and \”support\” them? Of course not. It is unnecessary and unrealistic. There is a famous saying in positive psychology Losada Ratio. It was originally proposed by Marcel Losada when he was studying company organizational management. He found that in the dialogue during company meetings, if the ratio of positive words to negative words is greater than 3:1, the company can flourish. Development, otherwise it is easy to go downhill. On this basis, psychology professor John Gottman proposed a \”Family Losada Ratio\” of 5:1. That is, every criticism we make of our lovers and children should be matched with 5 Only words of encouragement can maintain a stable relationship. Therefore, based on the \”5:1 family Losada ratio\” principle, trust and encourage your children more! The following are very useful golden sentencesYou must always tell your children: \”I know it will get better!\” \”You have the strength to face it.\” \”You are a lucky one!\”… Mr. Tao Xingzhi once said: \”You have Watt under your pointer. \”There is Newton in your cold eyes, and Edison in your sneer.\” Every child is dancing on the tip of their parents\’ tongues. There is a problem called parents thinking there is something wrong with you. There is a kind of confidence that your parents think you can do. Never underestimate the power of \”suggestion\”. The words parents say casually may be the path their children will take in the future. Give it a thumbs up and encourage all parents.