What age is the key to cultivating children with integrity and self-discipline?

Self-discipline is a word that has been paid more and more attention to in recent years. Some people may ask what it has to do with children. Is it necessary for a child whose nature needs to be liberated to discipline himself? In fact, such worries only see the restrictive side, but ignore the essence of self-discipline. The essence of self-discipline is not to restrain one\’s nature, but only to help a person manage himself. On the contrary, it is conducive to understanding and releasing the true self. But, how easy is it for a child to manage himself? Look at those adults who are addicted to tobacco and alcohol. It would be life-threatening to ask them to quit smoking or alcohol. They even tell you, \”If you don\’t smoke and drink, what\’s the point of living?\” What else can you say? It can be said that it is easier to cultivate self-discipline in children than in adults. And it is easier to develop self-discipline in younger children than in older children. I saw a particularly interesting sentence in a book a few days ago. It was fun when I was a kid, but it\’s different when I grow up. Because the older you get, the more problems a person has and the more difficult they are to correct. Therefore, it is necessary to cultivate children\’s self-discipline as early as possible. During the National Day holiday, I took Xiao Xiaoyu back to my hometown. Because there are a lot of things to deal with during the few days we go back, we often spend the entire day away from home. It was inconvenient to take the child with me, so I left him at home alone and was looked after by my grandma. The old man is 78 years old and his legs and feet are still flexible, but it is still difficult to keep an eye on a five-year-old child. Every time I tell the little guy, I agree on some rules. Then he hurried out. After coming back in the evening, grandma said that he was sensible and would not run into the road randomly. He would just play quietly in the sand alone. I didn’t stay in front of the computer watching cartoons all the time. After watching it for a while, I would turn it off and go outside to play. I know that in the eyes of the old man, all he sees are his advantages, and some minor problems must be ignored. But overall, I know he doesn\’t let himself go too far when it comes to TV time and snacks. Just being completely self-disciplined is definitely not enough. Because occasionally when I encounter a good cartoon, I really lose track of time. And when I encounter something I love to eat, I can’t help but eat more of it. But even so, we cannot give up on the cultivation of children\’s self-discipline. How old is the key to developing self-discipline in children? Before we talk about age, let’s look at goals. If you want your children to learn self-management, you must first understand a principle of self-discipline: bear pain first, and then enjoy happiness. That was definitely not the right time in the first three years of life. Because between the ages of 0-3, children need a lot of love from their parents. And at this time, it is not easy for you to let your children understand this truth. The love they need is not met, so you tell them to endure the pain first? Psychoanalytic psychology believes that the relationship between parents and children in childhood determines the child\’s character and destiny throughout his life. The mother-infant relationship is the top priority and determines the child\’s most basic sense of security and existence. The background of life is happiness or misfortune, which is established before the age of 3. Therefore, in the first few years, you can love your children as much as you want and cultivate a close relationship between parent and child. Just be careful not to spoil your children in the name of love and develop bad habits. Love and rules are not in conflict. At the age of 3-6, it is a critical period for the formation of children\’s rule awareness and early behavioral habits. At this time, the child\’sSelf-management begins to sprout. They will begin to show a strong desire to prove their abilities. And he began to make rules in the game and was willing to accept control. He did not feel like he was the best in the world like he did when he was two years old. Children of this age begin to develop various abilities. Can understand your instructions and express your ideas smoothly. Therefore, starting from the age of 3, parents can start to cultivate their children\’s self-discipline. Of course, this is a long-term process. It usually takes until the age of 10 to truly form self-discipline and internalize it into your own habits. Children who can achieve self-discipline will have much higher learning habits and efficiency. What role do parents play in cultivating children\’s self-discipline? Here are some suggestions: 1. First, parents should work hard on self-discipline, manage emotions, and set an example. The formation of self-discipline does not come from strict control, but from love. Because many times, when we lose our temper, it is not for educational purposes. It\’s just to vent your dissatisfaction and anxiety. True self-discipline comes from role models, love and companionship, and respect. Parents themselves need to reflect on their behavior and habits. Of course, everyone has shortcomings and some little hobbies of their own. We can cut it, or we can keep it. You can choose when and how to appear. For example, if you love a TV show, you can watch it after your child falls asleep. Don\’t take your children with you! Because when your child gets into trouble, you will definitely compromise and let him watch cartoons, and it will be difficult to control him. 2. Secondly, give children enough sense of security to keep their promises. A person who can truly be self-disciplined must be a child whose childhood attachment to his parents was sufficiently satisfied. I once met a relative\’s child. His father was very strict with him and often criticized his behavior. Especially after his parents divorced, the situation at home became even worse. Dad\’s temper got even worse and he even beat him up after drinking. Scold him and say that if it wasn\’t for him, his mother wouldn\’t divorce you. No one would want you if you don\’t live up to your expectations. Later, he began to skip classes, fall in love early, and hang out outside. His father was helpless and didn\’t want to take care of him. He said he would leave after completing compulsory education. once. I met him at a relative\’s house and chatted with him for a while. \”You are about to graduate, what are your plans?\” \”No plans, no one will take care of us even if we are beaten to death.\” A friend of his interjected from the side: \”Your girlfriend will take care of you.\” He said nothing, which showed that he didn\’t want to talk more. \”It would be better for you to continue studying. It will be bitter first and then sweet.\” I advised him. \”Don\’t tell me these big principles. Just live one day at a time and feel comfortable. The future is too far away for me.\” I felt very heavy at that time. When a young man tells you that the future is far away and unreliable, it shows his inner confusion and pain. He has never felt safe in his heart. What courage does he have to bear the pain in front of him, and what courage does he have to wait for the future that is just around the corner? For such children, they cannot develop self-discipline because they dare not wait or believe. 3. Parents can hold back and let their children do what their own master children can do. Encourage their children to do it and never replace them. Because your substitution will only break the child\’s egomanage. There are also many children who have no chance to manage themselves. Because they have been taken care of by their mother for a long time. Everything has been arranged by my mother, just follow it. Everything is left to your parents to arrange, so why do you need self-management? Such children will be unable to develop the ability to manage themselves and will find it difficult to become independent. One day, the children ask us, why should we be self-disciplined? My answer is: My child, you cannot be happy every day, nor can you be happy all your life. There will always be some problems and troubles coming your way. Because suffering is the essence of life. I hope to give you a positive, warm and brave heart. And you must learn self-discipline, because it will help you face this life full of hardships. Self-discipline is of course painful, for example, all your desires will compete with your willpower. Especially when the mind is immature and the willpower is weak, the resistance is even more intense. But I will always be with you and walk through it together.