What are the character flaws of children who are yelled at by their parents?

Psychologist Dr. Susan Forward said: \”Children cannot distinguish between facts and jokes. They will believe what their parents say about them and turn it into their own ideas.\” Parents\’ constant yelling education will often frighten their children when they are young, and will cause various personality problems when they grow up. In addition, frequent loud yelling will make the parent-child relationship worse and worse. Children who are yelled at by their parents often cannot feel the tenderness and love of their parents, and are even full of tension and anxiety that are not easily discovered, which will greatly reduce the effectiveness of your education. And the child\’s condition may be getting worse. When faced with your yelling, children will have three reactions: obedience, resistance, and turning a deaf ear. The louder the sound, the less able the child is to concentrate. Therefore, \”if you yell at your children, you lose.\” The \”lose\” mentioned here does not mean that parents and children should compete to win or lose, but that there is a way to lose on the road of education. Under what circumstances would you \”yell\” at your child? Generally speaking, emotions are triggered by \”internal triggers\” and \”external triggers\”. The so-called internal triggers, for example: I am not in a good state today, I feel uncomfortable, etc. caused by myself. The latest and most complete 2023 [Kindergarten, Junior High and High School] premium VIP course catalogs from famous teachers in various disciplines on the entire network, click to view now! And external triggers, for example: children are naughty and have arguments while playing, which in turn triggers our emotions, because I do not accept reasons such as children being too noisy at home and other reasons caused by the external environment. Think back to the scenes when we lose our temper with our children. When do they happen? There are roughly three categories: 1. Being annoyed by the child. This is the most common category. For example, you have agreed with your child to do your homework first when you get home, but your child wants to play for a while when you get home. Then you will start to urge. If the child does not respond after urging for a few times, he may start to explode: \”Why are you so disobedient? You agreed to go home and do your homework first, why haven\’t you started? Hurry and write for me. !\” This kind of yelling caused by urging often occurs in scenes such as getting up, going to school, eating, doing homework, sleeping, etc., and can be said to last throughout the day. 2. You already feel bad, and you take your anger out on others. The second type of situation is that you already feel bad, which may be psychological or physical. There is a \”kicking cat effect\” in psychology, which refers to the contagion of bad emotions. Bad emotions will spread from the top of the pyramid to the bottom, and the weakest character who has nowhere to vent becomes the ultimate victim. For example, today you were severely criticized by your leader because a certain project in your unit did not go well (the leader may have been in a bad mood because of something that happened in the morning, so he was criticized very harshly). When you get home from work, you see your child watching TV. It broke out in an instant: \”Why are you watching TV! Have you finished your homework? (Start endless nagging + scolding)\” Another situation is that you have some physical conditions, you may be tired or stressed. , will also lose temper easily. 3. Habitual \”yelling\”, that is, \”yelling\” passed down from generation to generation. For a long time, \”yelling\” has been formed as a way of communication, and it is believed that this is how to speak to children.Yes, his parents once raised him like this. Such parents will regard yelling as a habit, and their children will quickly \”adapt\” to this method. For them, yelling is routine. \”Yelling\” education destroys children\’s life. As we accompany our children to grow up, I believe that every parent will inevitably \”yell\” at their children for various reasons. And should this kind of \”yelling\” exist, and what impact will it have on children? 1. Children tend to become cowardly, have the habit of escaping from trouble, and are timid and fearful of trouble. Psychologists have proposed a theory of learned helplessness, which means that after suffering multiple failures or blows, they are prone to a state of psychological despair and helplessness. For example, children who are yelled at are very sensitive, gradually become cowardly, and like to avoid conflicts. 2. Emotionally unstable, impatient, quick-tempered, and yelling like parents. Parents are role models for their children, and children are their mirrors. Parents’ behavior will subtly affect their children in the long run. What parents do will affect their children. Will learn how to follow. When encountering problems, children will also be irritable and lose their temper easily, and they will also use this method to solve problems. Over time, children will develop an irritable character. As they grow older, they will also yell at you and others, or even get physical. 3. Children who are used to pleasing others can easily develop a please-pleaser personality. Children who are often yelled at by their parents are very fearful in their hearts. In order to stop being yelled at, the children become cautious and will compromise to please their parents. Children will consider everyone\’s opinions and feelings, and others are always more important than themselves. If things go on like this, children will develop a pleaser personality. A pleaser personality refers to someone who cares too much about other people\’s feelings and ignores his own feelings in social activities. He doesn\’t know how to refuse when he encounters something he doesn\’t want to do, and he works hard to accommodate others. I believe that no one wants their children to be influenced by others. 4. If you are used to lying, you will not have the strength to fight back when you were a child. Faced with a strong and violent adult, the only choice for a weak child is to lie to avoid being punished. Over time, you will raise a child who loves to lie. 5. Introverted and low self-esteem, feeling that they can’t do anything well and not confident that happiness can lead to wisdom. If adults are strong and rude, children’s energy will be suppressed and they will not be able to express themselves. They do not like to express their opinions or make decisions. He will close himself off, which will make him feel safe. Over time, children will feel that they are worthless and cannot find their own value. 6. Definitely rebellious. When you are young, you don’t have the strength to resist adults, but wherever there is oppression, there will be resistance. Especially for children who have their own ideas and are relatively strong-willed. The more they are oppressed when they are young, the more they will rebound when they grow up. When he grows up and has strength, especially in adolescence, he will definitely resist you. Over time, rebellious children were raised. 7. Don’t know how to reject others and have no independent opinions. Parents often lose their temper with their children. If a child is oppressed for a long time, when others ask him to do something, he will still finish it even if the other person’s request is excessive, because obedience has been engraved in his bones since he was a child. cognition. Unconditional obedience to parental coercion will not only cause children to lose their autonomy, If you don’t have your own opinion in doing things, your character will become weak. Methods and techniques for children\’s emotional management. Parenting books on how to cultivate children with high emotional intelligence. Ultra-clear PDF. 7 effective methods of emotional management to help you stop yelling and irritability. 1. Accept your own emotions and understand the consequences of yelling. First of all, parents must accept their yelling. behavior and the resulting guilt. You are not alone, all parents deal with yelling issues. But if you start changing now, you will become a better parent than other parents and live a happy life sooner than the yelling parents. Learn to be kinder to yourself, and you\’ll be kinder to your children. Secondly, parents must understand the serious consequences of yelling. For parents, yelling can worsen their mood, lead to chaos in work and life, and even affect the status and quality of work and life. For children, yelling can lead to inattention, rebellion, poor academic performance, and children will imitate their parents\’ use of yelling to solve problems. In the long run, the seven bad characters and bad behaviors mentioned above will appear. When children always have behavioral problems, parents must first check and self-examine their own behavior to see if there are various behaviors such as yelling and child abuse. If you want to change your child\’s bad behavior, start by changing your parents\’ behavior. Parents’ bad behavior is the root of their children’s problems. Parents\’ good behavior is a compass for children\’s growth. 2. Look for the \”source of emotion\” Emotions are \”invisible\” contagious, and every emotion occurs for a certain reason. If the source of the emotion is not found and resolved, this bad emotion will drive and affect everything we do. When we find that we are in a bad mood, we must learn to review: what exactly happened; when a bad mood comes, we must find the root cause instead of letting the mood happen. 3. Listen before \”yelling\” When your child makes a mistake, the best way is to listen. Listening is the most important key in parent-child communication. Parents who learn to listen are better able to adjust their emotions, understand what is going on and find ways to deal with it, rather than yelling. Although yelling prevents the current mistake, it cannot prevent the child from making the same mistake next time. Listening to the child explain what happened and guiding the child to actively recognize his own mistakes through communication is the correct way to guide the child to correct himself. 4. Learn to \”think from others\’ perspective\” Both parents and children should learn to empathize and understand others. We must learn to experience things from the child\’s perspective, and we must also teach our children to learn to stand in the perspective of others and see how bad their mistakes have impacted others. For example, if a child often ignores others, parents can try to treat the child in the same way. After the child has an emotional outburst, explain it to the child. Only when the child understands the emotions of others will he know how to correct his own behavior. Younger children can Do it in a storytelling way. 5. Try not yelling or yelling. The ABCDE rules are reasonable and don’t raise your voice. You can educate your children well without yelling or yelling. ①Ask yourself: \”Why are you losing your temper?\” \”Is this matter worth getting angry to solve?\” \”Why can\’t it be solved in another way?\” In the process of asking yourself these questions, your emotions will also slow down. slowclam down. ②When you breathe and get angry, chemical signals are released in a specific area of ​​the brain, and then these signals stimulate the endocrine system to secrete certain hormones, such as adrenaline, through the nervous system. Every time you realize that your voice is too loud and you want to get angry at your child, take a few deep breaths. Through deep breathing, you will find that your mood has calmed down a lot without you realizing it. ③ Calm yourself and find a \”pause corner\” for yourself. Based on the first two steps, try to calm yourself. Of course, don\’t suppress your emotions too much, otherwise you will get the result of a \”volcanic eruption. Tips: Positive pause: when you When you feel like you are about to yell, leave the scene first, take a positive pause, see your emotions, and accept them. Let us calm down first and feel better. We can also relax by scrolling through our mobile phones and listening to music. Even You can do housework, release negative emotions through exercise, and watch funny videos to distract your attention. Create a positive pause area: Find a calming corner for yourself at home, or you can make one for your child. The place does not need to be too big, he can It is a small corner, but it can calm you down. ④ Determine the needs of the child. Understand what the child needs, why they show \”rebellious\” behavior, and whether your own methods are really suitable for the child\’s future development. We are dedicated to giving The way of education is not necessarily what the children want, we need to understand this. Knowing the needs of children is a prerequisite for education. ⑤ Empathy: Put yourself in the child\’s position, imagine and feel the psychology of being yelled at, I believe many Parents have also had the experience of being misunderstood and yelled at when they were young. Think about how lonely and helpless we were at that time… Therefore, before yelling at your child, try to stand in the child\’s position, feel his feelings, and Understand her behavior. 6. Improve your educational ability through learning. When a person is very full inside, he will rarely ignite the fire of \”anger\” in his heart and lose his temper. Even if you want to It’s easy to be aware of yourself when you have a bad temper. Then make a positive pause, in your own “pause corner”, and soon feel calmer. 7. Try “low-pitched education”. As the saying goes: Don’t speak loudly when you are reasonable. The same goes for educating children. If you want your children to accept your opinions, you must learn to control your emotions and learn to lower your tone to communicate with your children. Finally, I want to say that mothers must first learn to take care of themselves and make themselves feel good before they can do a good job. Only by doing this can you be able to take good care of your children and your family. Try to encourage, praise and affirm more times than spank, scold and yell at you. If you hurt your child, you must know how to express love, communicate and repair your emotions in a timely manner. Click \”Like\” and interact with Let’s encourage everyone.